Sometimes we love someone very much, but they’re not the right person for us. This is very clearly your case. A fulfilling sexual life is an integral part of human relationships/partnerships/marriages. What in HER mind is a fulfilling sexual relationship is very different from what’s in YOUR mind.
That’s ok. It happens. It’s called sexual incompatibility. Wanting what you want is neither gross nor sick, it just is. Doing that with someone who likes doing/receiving it is neither gross nor sick. You’re young, she was your first everything; therefore, you may have a very skewed sense of what ‘normal’ looks like. Porn is NOT good sex. Porn is most definitely NOT great sex. Porn is NOT a sex manual or an accurate description of normal sex. My suggestion? Read real books about sex. Ideally you’d be able to talk about it with trusted male friends, but that doesn’t work out very well IRL in my experience, especially if everyone you talk to is as inexperienced as you are.
Not everyone likes the same things and that’s ok. You desire to talk dirty to someone as part of what arouses you and this woman does not like that in the least. Your dirty talk makes her feel degraded, humiliated and offends her moral code.
Neither one of you is ‘wrong’, you’re just not right for each other.
Your real mistakes were in not ‘reading the room,’ or ‘knowing your audience.’ You never, ever talk dirty to someone before you’ve had your first sexual encounter. You DONT KNOW what they like. She might hate it (like this woman), she might feel conflicted about it, she might love it, it might end your relationship. Doing is way better than talking about it until your relationship is on very solid footing sexually speaking. That, my dear, WAS a very rookie move. She kept putting up silences, discouraging reactions and you KEPT AT IT. That was…disturbing… to read.
I’m not offended by dirty talk, graphic sex or whatever but if a man tells me anything, sexually speaking, and I raise the ‘uninterested’ vibes, flat out say it, gently try to steer him away from it, recoil or whatever and he does it again, and again? Boy bye.
I know you want to be with this woman, but trust me when we tell you that you won’t be happy in the long term with her. You two want very, very different things from your partners and both of you deserve to have that.
Also, when you meet again and she’s with someone and you’re with someone else, well, it won’t be her feeling morally superior to you (or your SO) because she knows you guys have oral sex. That threat was just sick. And empty.