(Closed) Really messed up with her heart – I need advice

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

And to continue, it might seem that you would be okay with not receiving oral as long as you can be with her. You might feel that now because you aren’t getting it anyway. But once you get married and you want to go further and she doesn’t..what will happen then? Are you going to push her into doing things she isn’t comfortable doing or are you going to give up what you desire sexually? It can be hurtful to be with someone who feels very differently than you aboit sex. It can lead to you feeling unfulfilled. And it really sucks. 

Post # 62
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You’re a horny teenager who tried to push your girlfriend’s sexual boundaries. First it’s unwanted phone sex & discussions about what you want, sexually. I can only imagine that you would have put the full court press on her to start performing oral sex prior to marriage,  once you got her to agree to it after marriage. Pushing, pushing, pushing. That’s what you did. Disrespectful. Thankfully, she broke up with you before things went further.

Post # 63
231 posts
Helper bee

I think the bees are being a little harsh on you.

This relationship sounds like a trainwreck where both you and her are at fault.

First, ditch the porn if you want a faith-based Christian marriage. It’s a battle that many men (and women) fight, so I’m not surprised you got ensnared in it as a teenager. But for you and your future wife, get rid of it. Entirely. 

Second, you were wrong to push her. However, I’m guessing you and she both grew up in cultures where talking about sex is extremely taboo. You explored your sexuality with her for the first time and encouraged her to do the same and, as people are wont to do when they are immature and inexperienced, it didn’t go well. You pushed her, you didn’t read your audience. You screwed up.

But she did, too. She tested you (a very manipulative thing to do), and she seems to be incapable of having a conversation about sexual desire without becoming emotional. Again, this is what happens when you grow up uncomfortable with your sexuality. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people, but it means neither of you have engaged in the personal growth necessary to have an adult relationship. Do that first.

As for you, let this one go. Be a good man and you will find a good woman.

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