Post # 1
So this is just a little vent about probably not having a shower. There are circumstances but it’s more my moms attitude from a conversation.
Basically I live In a province where 5 of 6 Bridesmaid or Best Man live somewhere else, and My family as well. Everyone will be arriving the week before the wedding and I’m not having my bachelorette until the wednesday night (will be very tame). I guess my Future Mother-In-Law asked my mom if anyone was going to be throwing me a shower and she (mom) told me that she didnt know what to say…that “she has nothing to do with it and that its the BM’s responsibility but mainly she doesnt think its a good idea and to please dont involve her or remotly ask her friends or my female family members because she doesnt want it to reflect badly on HER that they feel obligated to buy me a present so close to the wedding….people cant afford those kind of things”
?? wow thanks mom… your only daughter/child is getting married and you’ve told everyone not to throw me a shower because you say it will be a burdon/embarrassing for you…..
First off I dont expect gifts and things like that but it would have been nice to get together with everyone…. but secondly just being cheeky for a minute… what would it matter in regards to gifts anyways if my shower was 2-3 weeks before rather then 1 week?
“Dont worry about it mother, you go…..you go spend the whole week in the mountains in a lodge that you’ve planned with the people your talking about up until the reherseal day and relax your little head…”
Vent over! *sigh*
Post # 3
@shanbp: that sucks! I’d be devastated if my mom thought those things! Hopefully your Future Mother-In-Law ignores her comments and throws you a fabulous party with people who are genuinely happy for you!
Post # 4
I bet she said it because the wedding is so close now, and she’s annoyed that your BMs didn’t do anything for you. I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want the best for you – it’s that she does.
Post # 5
it does suck 🙁 just because it kinda hurt my feelings…. but it doesnt surprise me because shes soooooooooo cluless about wedding things/events period. Like she made a comment in the middle of all that about (when I said I had no idea if there was a shower being planned or not) “well you cant be inviting women coming to the wedding, they cant be expected to get you 2 gifts in one week..”
im like….do you even know what a shower IS??? it is (technically) an event where the bride is “showered” with gifts and love, and the guest list can ONLY BE WOMEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING!
Get a clue!!! LMAO
Post # 6
My shower was the day before my wedding.
My grandmother hosted it, mom would have if Grandma didn’t take over.
Sorry your mom is having such a hard time with the idea, hopefully one of your BM’s or friends or Aunts or someone will come through for you.
Post # 7
Sorry you’re not having a shower! From what I’veheard, though, they’re really hit-or-miss!
Post # 9
Well your BM’s and Maid/Matron of Honor should be holding the shower for you not your mom, so I can see where she is coming from. Although people don’t need to bring gifts to your shower, I don’t know one person who wouldn’t, I do see that it would be expensive to give you two gifts in one week. On the other hand your mom should be more supportive! Why don’t you talk to your BM’s about helping your Future Mother-In-Law put on a shower? she seems more into it then your mom.
Post # 10
@alleycat1984: ya I totally know its not the typical for moms to host, its mainly because she telling everyone else including my Maid/Matron of Honor that its not a good idea thats annoying.
I definatly wouldnt expect gifts at mine especially since everyone is traveling to be here! We just dont have a lot of time to spend together because everyone is apparently not going to be around that week so it would have been nice to get all the ladies together to meet 🙁
but in reference to it being the same week for other brides…if I personally were going to a shower I knew about a few weeks ahead of time and it was being held the same week of the wedding…if money was gonna be tight I wouldnt wait until the week of to buy something, I would buy it a few weeks ahead of time so that one week wasnt a money bust lol. Realistically if a shower was held 3-4 weeks prior (like normal), and I spent 50 bucks on a gift…then gave a wedding card with money at the wedding….what does it matter if the same exchange happens the week before? its still the same amount being spent… know what I mean?
But for my case I think its a bust lol… I know my fam will be touring around the mountains and now Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law just told us they will also be “not in town” either until friday for the rehearsal because they decided to go to spend the days touring their family around as well. (FI had several family members coming from italy and they will likely never be here again).
I think my Bridesmaid or Best Man may end up doing some showery things at the beginning of my stagette… I think we’re meeting up and stuff prior to going out so that will prob be the same thing, just with more booze lol, which could be even better 😀
I am excited for that, it will be a blast!
Post # 11
Maybe there will be a surprise shower 🙂
Post # 12
@alleycat1984: LMAO oh god I’ll be eating my words then! I’ll have to post back if they do hahahahahahaha
Post # 13
My mom has that kind of attitude towards bridal showers. Its not something that was done in her family or friends circle at all. My family is French Canadian, and I guess its not part of the custom for them? I never went to bridal showers until my friends had them. One of my cousin had one thrown by an aunt on her other side of the family and like only 3 people of our extended family went, it’s just not something they really do or take part in.
Talk to your mom, ask what her concerns are, and at least tell her to let other people throw you one.
Post # 14
@shanbp: I am angry at moms these days. What the hell is wrong with them. It is the most important part of our lives and they just try to ignor everything. I wish I could help or you could help me 🙁
Post # 15
@oryx: ya… well I’d understand if it wasnt a normal thing to do in the circle of people, but she’s been to many many showers, shes actually THROWN one for someone several years ago…. did the backyard up with white linens and lace and candles and lights….so its not like its some “oh my god whats this” concept. I think it is literally just about the fact that she feels its too close to my wedding and she doesnt think people should be expected to spend money on me lol.
I’m not sure if I really want to bring it up with her at this point. Maybe my Bridesmaid or Best Man will have something planned. So far the plans for my bachelorette is supposed to be a surprise outside of knowing where we’re going for dinner because I had to help with suggestions because Im the only one who lives here lol. The wedding is 2.5 weeks away so if nothing showery is planned? I would hate to put people on the spot at this point.
@mardzhona: UGH I know. A g/f of mine had the same issue with her mom. At her wedding last month we had to go decorate the hall bfr the rehearsal and her mom showed up for like 10 minutes…and said she had to go prepare food etc…. we really could have used the help. We get to her parents cabin and the “dinner” she had to prepare was frozen M&M meats burgers (no prep) bagged buns, cheese slices, chips, salsa….. and potato salad and macaroni salad that was totally the stuff you just buy in a bucket…. the only thing that was hand done was the chopped onion, tomato, and dessert which was like chocolate pudding in cups with cookies sprinkled and dream whip……so…… what have you been doing for 6 hours??? NO IDEA
it’s like whats the problem here??? I dont get it lol
Its like opposite town… “back in the day”….it was normal for parents to foot the bill and did a LOT of the organizing/planning and now its like we pay ourselves, and if you ask for help on organizing one thing its the end of the world.