(Closed) Really Need advice on what to do with my friends :/ …sry its long

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ive sort of been through the same thing as you, however I was one of the ‘group’ of friends. 

she completely blew us off for a boyfriend. just a boyfriend she was only dating a couple months who became the center of her world, we all knew it wasn’t going to work, but she was so into her little world that she stopped talking to us but expected us to still be friends with her. truth be told, being mad at her made the 3 of us closer, but that was the only ‘good side’ of the whole thing. We all ended up talking about how we were feeling, and we did gang up on her a little bit. But then we aired everything out. We were fine, but never as good as before. Her boyfriend dumped her 3 months later but we weren’t there to catch her. We were immature, and cold hearted. But no matter how busy your life gets, you don’t drop friends. they were there before your boyfriend, and if you don’t screw things up, they’ll be there for you after. 

Post # 4
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I admire than you tried to put in the effort to talk to them again. I undertsand why you quite though. If you went to a party and they wouldn’t give you the time of day even after you had tried to text them and call them, then it was ok to do what makes you happy.

I had a guy friend that made me feel like complete crap that I didn’t hang out with him every day. My Darling Husband and I had just srated dating, I was working full time (very spastic hours), and had a house to take care of. He was the type where if I started a convo, he would want to talk for hours about how unhappy he was. He was a toxis friend, and I had to just do what was right for me.

If those friends aren’t talking to you or upset with you, I wouldn’t put in the effort to communicate with them anymore unless you can go face to face with them and figure this out–and if you even want to do that. Otherwise, if you can still be friends with your BFF then do that, although I am not sure how tough that will be if your other friends are upset with you.

 

Post # 5
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow. They sound really controlling. If I were you I wouldn’t bother going to their “intervention”. The whole thing is really immature and it does sound like they just want to gang up on you. It’s good that you made peace with your best friend. I think you should talk to her in person and tell her all of this & how you’re feeling. She can pass along the info to the other two.

You have so much going on – working full time, nursing school, just moved in w/ bf, bf has a stressful job, new family members…I get the impression they’re mad because you’re moving on with life. Real friends support each other as their lives change, even when it hurts cause you see them alot less. It can be really difficult, but sometimes you have to let people go when they’re bringing you down. It is important for you to have friends outside your bf, so I’d keep in touch with your best friend, maybe the other two will come around someday. Don’t let them bully you or make you feel bad, be cordial when you do see them, but don’t waste your time stressing over people who aren’t even willing to hear you out in an open honest way.

Post # 7
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some girls are stuck in middle school/ high school mean girl mode. The way they are acting is like they are enjoying torturing you. It’s fine if their feelings were hurt about you not being around but since then you have made an effort. Nothing short of going back in time will satisfy them it seems. I would probably have one last conversation, making it clear that you care but you can’t seem to win with them and you don’t want to be their punching bag anymore.

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sept22insf:  +1

Wish them well & cut em’ loose. It sucks, but some friendships aren’t worth saving, especially if they’re causing you this much stress & anxiety. Sometimes I think we give our friends a lot more leeway than we would a bf/gf…but friendships are two way streets as well, you can’t be expected to live your life for them.

Post # 10
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I completely understand how life can just take over.  I am 48 years old and still have the same best friend I had in the 7th grade.  There were periods that we went months without talking and years without seeing each other (we live in different states), but she is still my best friend and I love her and she loves me. when we talk it is like we havent skipped a beat.  It is hard for me to understand why the young girls of today think that unless they are in constant communication then they cant be friends or they are not being a friend.  It is totally up to you on how you handle this situation.  I would suggest you talk to them in person.  Maybe have them over to your house…I think you need to be somewhere that is more comfortable for you because…lets face it…there will 3 of them coming at you.  Take my advice if you meet do it on your territory if you are meeting all 3 at the same time.  Not that they will “attack” you verbably or otherwise, its just when you are in your home you will be able to handle yourself without feeling like you have to give in.  Explain to them that you love them and you still consider them your good friends, and you are not intentionally leaving them out.  Tell them that you are very busy and that sometimes life just gets in the way.  Tell them you will try to stay in touch with them as much as possible but you cannot promise that it will be the constant communication you guys have had in the past. 

You should not have to check in with them every day and go on FB to check messages, like statuses or  pictures and make comments for them to feel you are still part of their circle.  They are grown women and shouldnt be doing that themselves. 

Talk to them when you can…get together when you can…if they cannot deal with that then that just means you have grown and they still need to grow. 

Post # 13
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

They don’t sound like good friends.  Even if they were, you can’t live your life with the goal of making them happy.  You have to make yourself happy.  They sound like they need to grow up.  

Post # 14
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

As we mature, our lives and priorities change.  Unfortunately, everyone is not on the same schedule and it sounds like you and your friends are at different points in your lives.  I can understand that they would be hurt but they need to understand that friendships change.  I think you’ve been the bigger person in this situation for trying to solve the problem instead of perpetuating it. 

If they continue to push this with you I would communicate to them all that although you still love them you are getting ready to get married and have different priorities.  It won’t end your friendship but all friendships change and this is just the first shift in it’s evolution.  It surely won’t be the only one.  You can still be friends it will just be different.  If they’re not okay with them then it’s not your fault. 

As our lives change we tend to gravitate toward people that are more similar to us.  It sounds like maybe you don’t have as much in common with them now.  That’s not a bad thing…it’s life.

Post # 16
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You handled things well. It’s natural to feel sad, but you stood up for yourself & it is for the best that you’re rid of this toxic friend. Enjoy your life with the people who support you. <3

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