Post # 1
This is going to a be a long one. I apologize in advance.
So I have a friend who is going to be married in May of this year. I have been friends with her since 9th grade ( we are now 21). She had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I accepted this. I am a presently a student and have very tight budget. Throughout that last little while the things she has asked me to pay for have been too much. I have expressed to her multiple times that I cannot afford to do all the things that she is asking of me. She says she understands, but everytime I turn my head around there is something else to pay for. Recently, I have told her that the role of bridesmaid is getting to be too much financially for me. She offered not assistance in any kind of way. At this point I suggested that maybe I step down from being a bridesmaid, however that it was still important for me to be part of her day and be at her wedding. I thought that maybe I could attend as a guest. As I have been good friends with her for so long I expected some sort of understanding, however that was not the case at all. She has now told me that she does not want me at her wedding. Is stepping down from being a bridesmaid rude of me?! Or is she being extremely inconsiderate to my finances and feelings on the whole situation. Any advice would help!
Post # 3
OMG, no. I cant even believe that if you were an important person to her she would treat you like that! thats reallly rude of her. Anyone that I ask to be part of my wedding party i actually am prepared to foot the bill since I am asking this of them. So far it hasnt been needed but to be uninvited b/c of that? cut your losses girl. I can be a bridezilla at times, but never a witch to my friends.
Post # 3
No bride should make their Bridesmaids broke. Sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 4
You are in the right.
A bride should never do that to her bridal party. I cant imagine her being a very good friend if she doesn’t understand the situation.
Post # 5
Two of my BMs arestill in college and do not have much money. I am buying their jewelry, dresses and bouquets. They are doing their own hair and make-up. The only money they have to spend is gas to get to the ceremony.
It totally BITES what your friend has done!
Post # 6
I’m very sorry. The real reason to ask people to be in your wedding party, is so they can decide if it is something they can take on. So I empathize with you! You are being truthful, and the bride to be appears to be taking it personally at the very least. Perhaps you can put something in writing, about how you would love to continue to be in the wedding party, but at this time, you don’t think you can swing the cost of X, Y & Z. Maybe she will understand with it being written?
Post # 7
What exactly is she wanting you to do that is so expensive? I thought bridesmaid just buy the dress and show up presentable?
I mean is she one of them picky brides that want you to buy “this” jewelry, “these” shoes, get your hair done “this way”, and stuff like that?
Uninviting you to her wedding just because you can’t keep up with her high maintenance is very rude of her. And if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t want to go to her wedding after being treated like that. But that’s just me
Post # 8
While I was in college my friend asked me to be her bridesmaid. She also moved to texas. I told her it was too much and I just couldnt afford it since I had to fly too. She understood.
You were not rude one bit
Post # 9
You did the RIGHT thing by asking to step down if she was continually making demands that you couldn’t afford.
She did the WRONG thing by telling you she doesn’t want you at the wedding.
This is a “FRIEND” you don’t need.
Post # 10
You’ve done nothing wrong, dear. She should have been more considerate of your situation.
Post # 11
@Shans16: You didn’t do anything wrong. Good of you to be upfront with her, to be in communication with her regularly about your needs in a timely manner so that she could either help you or make other arrangements. It is almost as though she purposely was trying to squeeze you out of the bridal party by ignoring your needs, hoping you would ask to step down so she’d have an excuse to boot you out of the wedding altogether. Blech. That is really a shame but you did the right thing. I’m curious to know what her monetary demands were of you as a bridesmaid.