Really need some advice please

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
862 posts
Busy bee

thebreannaresh :  He is doing this because he is a peice of shit. He doesnt care about your relationship, he doesnt care about you. You need to leave. He is awful. 

Post # 3
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Come on, have some self respect! He is a serial cheater. You deserve better than this! He’s doing it because he’s an asshole. If you move out (and you should move out) he will probably say he regrets it because it’s worked to get you back in the past but you shouldn’t take him back.

Post # 4
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

He’s a cheater with no intentions of changing. Either buck up and leave him in the dust for good or make peace with the fact that he will always cheat on you and you have to deal with the aftermath of it.

Post # 5
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

So the guy screws up massively AGAIN, and instead of trying to fix it and make it up to you, he gives you the cold shoulder… and now YOU are trying to fix it? Why?! What about any of this situation makes you want to stay with this shithead??

ETA – I understand this is really upsetting to you and I’m sorry you’re going through this. But you deserve so much better than this!

Post # 6
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee

If this were his first time doing this, it would be him acting out of character.  However, it’s not.  Don’t make excuses for him.  Remember when he comes back crying that he’ll just do it again… leopards don’t change their spots, and you deserve better. 

Post # 7
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Oh yea – he’s an alcoholic? That means he is the most selfish kind of person on the face of this earth. They lie and cheat – anything that will support their habit and their “lifestyle.” Run, run as far as you can and take your children with you. You can do so much better. If not for your sake, do it for your kids’ sake.

 

– Signed, Someone who stuck around for 11+ years too long.

Post # 8
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

You have your child in the same home as someone who is an alcoholic.

When you have kids, it’s not about you anymore. Think about what is best for your child. Think about the relationship you are modeling for him or her.

Post # 9
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

You are his fallback. You are “good enough” until he finds someone “better” and nothing you do or say will change this. It’s him. He’s immature and selfish and I feel bad for your kids. Who cares if he’ll regret you leaving!

My kids father was the same although he did us a favor and disappeared for 15 years. Leave and don’t ever go back unless this is the life you want and the example you want to set for your children.

Post # 10
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

If you’re still lost, then it’s because your eyes are closed.

I think you should move out and not care if he regrets it or not. And you shouldn’t regret it either.

Post # 11
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

-you’ve caught him pursuing other women more than once

-he says he doesn’t want to get married

-after at least 9 years he hasn’t married you

-he’s an alcoholic

 

Sounds like a catch. I don’t see how you could possibly be any worse without him.  Who cares if he regrets it or not?  He made this mess.  

Post # 12
Member
11866 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

The question you should be asking is if you will regret it if you do NOT move out.  

You were miserable with him 9 months ago, and you’re still miserable. Your other thread was painful to read, let alone experience.

But you have kids, OP. No more wallowing in the why doesn’t he love me waters- this man is not fit to be around your children on a daily basis. Do you want them to grow up wondering why their father doesn’t love them? 

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to get to al-anon and protect your kids from this dysfunction. 

Post # 13
Member
617 posts
Busy bee

Leave him. He needs to be alone to figure out what his priorities are. Be a role model for your kids and show them you have self respect and will not tolerate being emotionally abused. More importantly, that you won’t let your kids be part of a dysfunctional family. Work on your own life, surround yourself with people that want to be with you, work on your health and well-being. Show your kids the importance of pursuing a healthy stable life. This guy needs a wake up call, only you leaving can make this happen, if you stay not much will change or will change very slowly.

You worrying about his feelings if you leave is a sign of being emotionally worn down and in a CO-DEPENDENT relationship (please research this, this happens more often when there’s substance abuse). Worrying about his bullshit has caused you to stop thinking about your own wellbeing. That’s unhealthy. I would also recommend looking into Al-anon meetings. Take care of yourself. 

Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

I know you have children but you need to leave! Don’t look back! 

Post # 15
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

He is doing this because his first priority is getting drunk. He doesn’t want to deal with any challenge or difficulty in his life. Either because he never learned coping skills, or is too lazy to develop any to problem-solve like an adult. He refuses to examine what he’s done wrong, what he could do better, or face person he really is; choosing instead to numb all his thoughts and feelings with booze. I guarantee you he’s texting this woman because he stupidly believes a new relationship will be better than yours, but that’s just because they aren’t aware of all the lies and shit he’d bring to the table. That’s not the kind of person anyone should be with, because they cannot be an equal partner for you. Leaving him will be hard for a month, then amazing for the rest of your life. 

Why continue a terrible situation with someone who doesn’t love you like you deserve? You already love yourself more than him, as you love yourself enough to question why you’re being treated so terribly…  

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