(Closed) Really need some help- MOH issue.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Hug. I’m sure she understands

Post # 4
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I wrote the before the second part was posted. Have lunch with her and talk through it. Your heart was in the right place, I’m sure you can work through it

Post # 5
Member
47219 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Lh6:  You made no unforgiveable mistakes. As a matter of fact, I don’t think you made any mistakes.

Would she have preferred that her absence wasn’t missed? We should never feel sad for our feelings. Our feelings are what they are.

Post # 6
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Neither of these things are major by any means.  Please don’t beat yourself up.  People are very touchy when they are going through stressful times and it sounds like your friend really wanted to keep this private.  I think you should ask her out for coffee and apologize to her there, and be sure to say that you love her dearly and are sorry for upsetting her during this stressful time.  Don’t dwell on it, though.  Turn the coffee date into a happy catching-up talk and leave on a good note, and be consistent with texting her or calling her afterwards for a while.  Continue to reach out to her.

Post # 7
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I mean, the entire wedding guest list probably didn’t need to know that her father was ill. That was going overboard. But there’s nothing you can do to fix that now except apologize and be there for her regarding her loss. 

Post # 8
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Not unforgiveable at all, but you probably want to apologize for hurting for her. I don’t think this was a right or wrong thing. I can tell that you really meant to honor her and you feel awful about it now that you realize it was very private for her. If you’ve apologized and she’s still struggling with it, give her time. She is probably still grieving, and it sounds like your wedding may bring up thoughts of that difficult time for her.

Post # 10
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Lh6:  It seems natural that you’d tell friends and family you were disappointed she could’t make it. Unless you made a big deal of it or were complaining, I think she should understand this part.

But the announcement was out of line in my opinion. If you’ve apologized for it, I’m not sure what more you can do. Hopefully other people seeing this post will take a lesson from it though: don’t make other people’s problems about you. It was nobody’s business why she wasn’t there. You didn’t owe the guests an explanation, especially one that involved sharing her private grief. You saw it as honoring her, but I can see why she would be upset about it — I would be too. But it sounds like you’re truly sorry so hopefully she’ll accept that.

Post # 11
Member
7417 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why dont you just call her and explain exactly like you did here? Sometimes when people are grieving, they are slow to forgive, but it would be a good way to get thimsg started.

Post # 12
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You did nothing unforgivable and I am sorry that she feels hurt. If you have already apologized and explained your pov then all you can do is wait for her to come around.

Post # 13
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

i understand why you did what you did and you had no idea how she would react… hindsight is always 20/20! what you wrote above is heartfelt and sincere – tell her just what you said to us (if you haven’t already). After the loss of a parent emotions can run high for a while. If she doesn’t (or didn’t) come around when you explained yourself… give it time, she will.

Post # 14
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You sound like a sweet friend. I would have done the same bc otherwise you would have been asked by multiple people why she wasn’t there. That would have led to more of a spotlight on whar was going on. 

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion

Coming from the opposite side (sort of), I lost my dad to an unexpected illness and my friends were all really unsure of how to be there for me. Just be clear that you did those things because that was the only way that you could think of to be there for her in that time of need. I am also a very private person, so my friends danced on pins and needles around me because they just honestly weren’t sure what to do! My closest friend would just spend time with me and was there when I needed to vent or cry, so I would say not to dwell on it or really treat her any differently than you would normally, because she just wants life to feel normal again! If she wants to talk about her dad or how she’s feeling, she will bring it up to you. Anyway, just let her know that was her best way to try to be there for her, but that you didn’t mean to hurt her through it, you just care about her. She’ll understand. 🙂

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