(Closed) Really need some support. My mom is ruining everything. :'(

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Girl. Deep breaths. (Also, I’m sending you a big hug!) I have a mother who is pretty much crazier than a bag of cats, so I know how difficult it can be. Just hang in there, and try to tune her out as much as possible. I’m sorry she was horrible to you at your shower. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 5
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

So sorry! Wow, she shouldn’t be throwing all of that in your face after insisting she pay. The shower was hardly the place to bring that attitude up as well.

As for your Fiance, I am sure you are both stressed and that you are feeding off each other with it. I know that happens with me and my Fiance. It’s natural, even though it sucks. Guys don’t tune in to our emotions as easily as we would like them to.

Easier said than done, but chin up! If you are worried about your mom pulling a stunt on your big day, I would sit down and try to have a heart-to-heart and let her know how much her comments bug you (in a calm fashion).

Post # 6
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@agirlwithdreams7: If she does, just remember that it reflects poorly on HER, not you guys. Also, ask your FH to make a joke about it whenever she does something crazy, just to lighten the mood a little. Darling Husband does this all the time when my mother says something stupid/offensive/mean/whatever, and I end up basically laughing my tits off instead of being hurt. It’s a great coping technique. 

Post # 7
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Girl, Darling Husband and I were at each others throats for a good month before our wedding. I actually had a ridiculous breakdown a la Father of the Bride and almost called it off. It’s totally normal to fight a lot right before your wedding. It sucks that he’s being a butt, but I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one who went through this.

As for your mom, wow… Not cool. I’m sorry she’s treating you this way. It kind of seems like she might be a little resentful that the attention is on you, so she’s making these comments loudly, in public so that she can get some attention too. Is that totally off base? Some people are just like that, unfortunately. Do your best just to tune her out. It doesn’t sound like having a conversation with her would have much impact, or else I would suggest that.

 

I did want to comment on something else though. You seem to be on here with rants and vents A LOT. I understand that we might see a disproportionate amount of this because we are a wedding forum and a lot of people come here to vent. I just wanted to say something and tell you to make sure to enjoy your wedding and the weeks preceeding it. You only get to be a bride once (hopefully). Please, please try to relax and ignore the negativity and enjoy being a bride.

Post # 9
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I agree with the PP who says you need to take a breather and start focusing on everything around you that is positive.

As for your mother, I would rescind any reason for her to hold anything over your head. By that I mean paying her back. If you and Fiance were intending to pay for the weddings yourself, this should be manageable to you. Removing that power over you will be a burden off of your shoulders, and will get your mother off of your case for “all that she’s done”. Just give her the money, and do not accept her not taking it. Do it for your sanity. You won’t be out any extra $ because you intended to pay for your wedding in the first place.

If possible, I’d move out too. That should repair your relationship with her by putting up physical boundaries where there weren’t any before. Then you can work on rebuilding your relationship with her, while focusing on the new husband.

Post # 11
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You have to tell you mom how you feel.  It seems that you hide your true feelings and she is unaware of how she affects you.  Talk to your Fiance first and get his understanding and support.  Then tell your mom what you told us.  I don’t know how your mom will react but at this point it doesn’t matter if she is upset.  You are already upset and crying all the time.  At the very least she should know how she is affecting you. Hopefully she just doesn’t realize how hurtful her comments/actions are.  Certainly stop hiding what you’re feeling from your mom.  And if she doesn’t “get it” after you talk then if worse comes to worse, give her back the money she has paid thus far so she will have not choice but to butt out.

Post # 14
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@agirlwithdreams7: I totally understand. I was a full-time student with a fiance in the military planning a budget wedding over skype. Believe me, I SO get it. The stress does funny things to your brain.

It really sucks that your mom is awful. : I kind of had her pegged for the attention-whoring type from your post. I know it’s humiliating when a relative acts like that. It’s kind of like when my grandma makes racist comments in public and I just want to fall into a hole. But like Mrs Grape said though, it reflects badly on her not you.

I do understand why we see so many vents too. Sometimes you just can’t talk to the people in your life about things. We’re here and we know what you’re going through. I just wanted to point it out because I don’t want you to focus on all these negative issues. You get to a point where you just can’t let things bother you anymore. By the time my wedding day rolled around, I had somehow managed to find some sort of inner peace and I was probably the most calm I can remember being in a long time. It was wonderful to feel totally relaxed and give in to the emotion of the day rather than focusing on what was happening, what was going wrong, what issues were going on, what everyone else was doing, etc.

Good luck, girl. My PM box is always open if you want to talk. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@agirlwithdreams7: I can only offer you hugs and tell you to do your best to tune her out. It’s not easy – I have a very very similar situation with my dad. 

The topic ‘Really need some support. My mom is ruining everything. :'(’ is closed to new replies.

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