(Closed) really need some support–please read?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. But it sounds like you’re better off without such a horrible man!!! And I’m sorry your family isn’t being more supportive. Given how unstable things are with your parents I would be looking for a job and a cheap apartment ASAP! How old is your daughter? Does she qualify for preschool? I would also call legal aide and start the process to get child support. Get yourself on your own two feet, so you and your daughter can be self-reliant. You can totally do it! And yoyur daughter will be proud of her independent mamma!

Post # 3
857 posts
Busy bee

Omg girl I am so sorry! It is scary that he coold change so dramatically so fast!! Even if something bad happened between you two, there are children involved and he should not be acting this way. Sorry things have changed for the worse so fast. Are there services in your state you can reach out to too give assistance and get you on your feet? 

sendint positive thoughts your way girl!

Post # 4
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

kortizi0:  he’s probably using again. You’re better off without him. Your family, however, should be ashamed of themselves. I’m sorry you are going through this. Do you have anyone else you can turn to?

Post # 5
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m sorry you are going through this. Why are your parents not being supportive? What is their reasoning?

Post # 8
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry that you are in this situation but I think that it is for the best.  A child is not safe around a heroin user.  Suppose your daughter had come into contact with heroin or a needle?  It doesn’t bear thinking about!

I think that the first thing you need to do is to see a lawyer.  Your ex Fiance, as the father of your child, will need to pay child maintenance whether he wants to or not.  He probably had no right to throw you and your daughter out of your accommodation. 

The second thing that you need to do is to keep looking for a job and move out of your parents’s house as quickly as possible.  Talk to social services about housing.

The third thing that you need to do is seek counselling.  You have moved from a relationship with your bullying parents to one with a bullying heroin user and then back again.  No wonder your self-esteem is in tatters.  You need help to build up confidence so that you can value yourself and make your own friends.  

This moment in time may seem awful but honestly you are well rid of your ex Fiance and his friends, for both your sake and your daughter’s sake.   


Post # 9
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Since you broke up with your ex, he probably is feeling resentful. He’s also a drug-addict, so that behavior isn’t very surprising. 

In regards to your mother, I’m sorry she is behaving that way towards you. I don’t think all of her feelings are unwarranted. Don’t get me wrong, I do not think she should ever be nasty towards you. However, you also have to view things from her perspective too.

1) You dated a heroin user and did not break up with him immediately. Now, you have a child with him. I don’t think she can honestly be happy when the break-up took so long to happen. The damage has been done.

2) You chose to become a stay at home mother, knowing full well your ex has a drug problem. If I was your mother, I would be beyond concerned that you’re not protecting yourself and your child financially.

I know all of the above sounds harsh, but I’m trying to get you to understand where a parent’s mindset is coming from sometimes. And yes, I may be off base a bit b/c I’m just running on assumptions. However, you just need to channel your energy towards getting a job and getting out of that toxic environment (i.e. your mom, ex, and your so-called friends). 

You may feel alone right now, but it’s also an opportunity for you to work on your self-esteem and make a new life for yourself. Start it off by getting child support. I don’t believe you need a lawyer. You should be able to go to your local family court and ask the clerk which form you need to fill out. This may vary depending on where you’re located.

In terms of a job, where have you applied? Have you tried a temp agency? What about working in a restaurant until you can find a more stable job with more pay?

Anyways, best of luck to you.

Post # 10
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I am so sorry you’re battling with your ex- he sounds like a giant d bag to say the least.  And your parents…seriously? 


Anyway- had to vent after reading your situation.  Have you tried signing up with temporary agencies/firms in your area?  Do a GOOGLE search with things like “temporary staffing, temporary agencies” with your zip code.  If you haven’t worked in a while, I would send with your resume, a short summary of your skill sets and a professional explanation for your gap of employment.   Keep it positive.


I’m a recruiter so here are some tips to help you to get a job and things that I see people do that immediately make me cringe.  

  1.      Take the time to do a succinct and well through out resume
    1.      Bullet points of accomplishments – no paragraphs
    2.      Chronological order of jobs with dates
    3.      Only go back 10 years of your experience
    4.      No crazy fonts or colors
  2.      Change your VM to something professional for whatever number is tied to your resume (I can’t STAND when people have a dumb VM when you’re applying for jobs…hello do you really want your 1<sup>st</sup> impression to be that?  Let your personality and skill sets do the talking J)
  3.      Answer the phone professionally…I know most of you know this but seriously, it’s pretty bad when I get “why are you calling me?!”
  4.      Recruiters have databases with notes and codes for candidates
    1.      For example: If you don’t show up or call for my interview it’s an automatic NSNC and DNU- do not use.  Yikes- that’s a forever kind of thing and now you’re black balled.
  5.      It’s going to be exhausting working with a recruiter- lots of interviews and time.
    1.      Recruiters are not your personal head hunter- they work for their clients who pay the fees for me to search for them
  6.      Trust what we have to say b/c we are the only link to that company and the hiring manager
  7.      Be honest with your recruiter and have open communication
    1.      If you find another job, give 2 weeks notice, even it’s a temporary assignment
  8.      If you’re on fire, throwing up or contagious- call out and get in touch with someone who can let the client know!  Otherwise, get your ass to work.
  9.      When you’ve submitted your resume to a position that you’re qualified for- just wait about a week before checking in with them.
    1.      If you don’t get a call back, politely call the main line and ask to speak to a recruiter.
    2.      “Hello, I’ve put in an application and I was wondering if there was any way to speak with one of your recruiters to find out more about your procedures and potential employment opportunities that aren’t listed on your site.”
  10.      You’re going to be screwed over at some point by the agency- late checks, cancelled job orders, etc.
    1.      If you have a good recruiter, she will be honest about what’s going on but you have to keep cool and push through.
  11.      I always have my go-to candidates that worked for me, references done and always got rave reviews from clients (position yourself to be that person)

 One last thing- I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation, but I’ve experienced a lot of hardship with my candidates and see the hurt it causes people.  BUT you have to remain positive in interviews or any professional interaction.  I’ve interviewed hundreds of people who are very qualified on paper and in person (jackpot!) but are so disgruntled or sad about their home life, it dominates the interview.  Thus causing me to be extremely hesitant to place you in front of a client.  Unfortunately clients don’t generally give 2 shits about what’s going on- they’re spending big bucks to get a qualified person into their opening.

Just kidding- one more thing: research, research and do more research on the companies you contact or that contact you.  If they ask for any sort of fee or pull money from your checks, RUN RUN RUN.  Established staffing firms have contracts with clients that bill internally.

Sorry about the book, but things keep popping into my head.  Most staffing firms have healthcare options and 401ks and such after you’ve established some working time with the firm.

 There are 3 types of work- contract (specified amount of time), contract-to-hire/perm (a set amount of time you’re under the microscope- basically.  If BOTH parties feel it’s a good fit- permanent employment with that client!) and Perm/direct hire (hired as a full-time employee).

I would be open to all 3 types.  Remember, you’re building trust with you’re recruiter, the clients and the people maintaining the client accounts.  You’re also trying to build up your resume with recent and relevant skill sets. 

I’m pretty awesome at my job and I genuinely care about the successes of my candidates, but be warned that not all recruiters are like this so listen and follow through with your intuition.

I hope this helps you move forward.  Please PM if you need more help J



Post # 11
2645 posts
Sugar bee

kortizi0:  You need to start looking up aid programs in your state ASAP.

Look for a job – any job. Apply for food stamps and low income housing etc. You would be surprised what programs are out there. Look for any women and children shelters in your area in case things escalate with your parents or they move abruptly. Do you have any friends that you could lean on?

I would also file custody and child support ASAP! Your ex should be helping you out for your daughters sake, regardless of how he feels. You do not need a lawyer for this. You can go on your local court website and usually they have listed days that offer free legal help for filling out forms. Also, google is your friend. You can get a lot of info about what you need to file. 

I am soooo sorry you are going through this. I really feel for you. This is just horrible and i wish i could give you a huge hug. It is hard to deal with a cruel break up without also worrying about finances and a child! I wish all the best for you. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  L606.

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