(Closed) Really need to talk to someone, my DH is deciding whether to leave me or not….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That is a really terrible situation to be in. I don’t even know what to say, except maybe you should slow down on the drinking? It seems to be causing alot of problems. And perhaps start up the counselling again, not just for the relationship but for yourself!

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry this is happening. 

Instead of promising for change, or that it will never happen again, continuously seek counseling and find a support group. I know you did that one time which is great but keep it up! There has got to be something going on as to why you get so drunk and apparently also don’t know what happens when you do drink…

 

Post # 5
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Def get back into counseling. Also you need to find a network of your own. Start a hobby – go to some hobby classes, maybe yoga classes or something. and most definitely absolutely – no more drinking! 

Post # 7
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@sourlemon: I second the slowing down on the drinking and getting counseling for yourself. If you don’t work out whatever issues are going on with YOU (the self-esteem issue and whatever else might be going on), your marriage will continue to suffer, even if you guys do go back to couples counseling.

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Would you be amenable to something like AA?  It might really show your hubs that you are serious about working on your issues.

Post # 10
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@simpleandchic: First of all, I’m sending big hugs your way! I imagine that this is a very difficult and painful situation, and I hope that you know that you are loved and cared for. 

I think that counseling would be a great idea, both for you and your hubby, and for you individually. It sounds like there’s a lot of emotional and personal issues behind why you drink and then end up cheating (or get close), and I think it would be really beneficial to address these with a counselor on your own. And unlike the last time you and your hubby did counseling, I think you guys might need something more long-term. There are no quick fixes, especially in situations like this, and I think investing in counseling for a while will really help you guys get to the bottom of your issues and decide what you want to do in terms of your future. 

I also agree with @sourlemon: If you tend to compromise yourself and your relationship with your hubby in certain situations, then simply take yourself out of those situations. Cut down on the drinking and don’t go out with your hubby. Period. It’s a lot easier to mess up if you’re never in a situation where you can.

Give you hubby space. You guys don’t have to decide anything right now. You can even begin counseling as a couple not knowing if you guys want to stay together. Take off the pressure to make any big decisions now and take things one day at a time. 

Post # 11
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hi-I am so sorry to read this. Sounds like you realize that you kinda have a problem.  Perhaps if you are pro active and seek out therapy or treatment and get honest with your husband he will find it in his heart to forgive you again.  It’s good that you most likely didn’t technically cheat on him again but it sounds like you were very close to it!

So yeah, honesty and therapy-and be PRO active about it instead of trying to get away with it again.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I say counciling and keep with it this time and you dont need to slow down on drinking you need to STOP… If you are drinking to the point of not remembering and doing things you wouldnt normally do you have a problem with drinking and need to stop COMPLETLY!

Post # 13
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

No one should ever be so drunk that they do things that they don’t remember doing. Whatever your husband decides, I hope you decide to get some help with your drinking.

Post # 14
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@simpleandchic: Wow this is hard. At least you’re being honest with yourself and taking responsibility for your actions.

Def seek couseling and stop drinking. You need to work out your issues you have with yourself to give your relationship a chance

Post # 16
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs. DG: I was going to suggest the same thing.

Beyond that, are you sure you should be with him. What I get out of this post us that you’ve cheated multiple times and youre more afraid of being alone than him specifically leaving you. Sorry if that sounds really harsh, but I really think you should take this time to reflect.

The topic ‘Really need to talk to someone, my DH is deciding whether to leave me or not….’ is closed to new replies.

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