- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Ok, so my husband and i got married last November after being together almost 10 years.
However a few months before the wedding I cheated on him on numerous occasions when I was drunk, I cant excuse it…I think I can rationalise in my head why I did it….low self esteem…..been together since i was 18 and wanted to see what else was out there..we were having big problems communicating……selfishness…BUT that is absolutely no excuse for what i did. He is a wonerfull man who I love with all my heart.
Well he found out/i confessed and he forgave me (perhaps to quickly) we went to a few sessions of councelling but once we got married they stopped. without me really dealling with my issues. he never told his family or many of his friends…so essentially i got off scott free, and never really had to suffer the consequences of my actions…
After this happened i promissed Darling Husband that i would never go out drinking without him again…..but as time went on i thought that promise was a bit of over kill and what harm would it do if I went out with my mates without him, after all we had sorted out all our issues….it wouldn’t ever happen again…
Fast forward to last weekend…….i got really drunk again and must have given my phone number to a random guy who hit on me whilst out at a hens night. I honestly dont remember doing it, and I dont think we did anything esp as i was out with bens cousin in law, but the guy texted me after i got home, Darling Husband heard and checked my phone, there were 2 mess from an unknown no, one said, ‘I am around the corner, turn left” (which he must of sent me when I was at the bar, prob to meet him outside), but I honestly dont remember plus the message hadn’t been opened, the second one he sent later, too meet him in town….I never got the texts cause I went home to bed. I suspect i gave him my number then went on dancing with the girls and then went home. i only know its a guy cause Darling Husband must have called the number, cause Dh asked me who christian was and I honestly had no clue.
Despite nothing happening and despite me not remberring, there is no excuse for showing my Dh so little respect, I know i only do it for the att cause i have low self esteem……still no excuse….My Darling Husband is heartbroken…he doesn’t want to leave me but he feels like he has no choice cause he can never trust me again…
To make all this worse, I dont have any family…I mean no one, I was a single child and all parents and grandparents are dead, I never knew my fathers side and my mothers two siblings fell out with her before she died….Darling Husband and his fam are my only family….and because we have been together 11 years most of my friends are his…and i know were their ultimate loyalty will lie….
last time he forgave me too early and i didn’t realise that i could only imagine being with him, bearing his children and living his life….now my realisation has come too late….Oh beez i am heartbroken.