(Closed) Really need to vent about FMIL…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, it is amazing how inconsiderate other people can be. If it was her wedding she could procrastinate all she wanted to, but it’s not, it’s yours, and she should respect that.

Post # 4
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I am dealing with a similar situation.  Minus the helpful Future Sister-In-Law.  My Future Mother-In-Law has ADD, so her attention span is like nothing.  I guess I can’t say she’s just procrastinating or putting off certain things, but perhaps she forgets?  The thing that makes this bad is that I hate asking people for things more than once.  Even though I’m aware she has ADD, I’m not sure if she remembers what I ask for and just doesn’t feel like doing it, or if she really did forget.  So, I feel like a nuisance asking for things over and over.  Anyway, it took her about a month to give me FI’s baby pictures so I could make our guest book.  I just found out that I’m gonna need the pics again to make my special pew bows, so I’m gearing up for another month of waiting for Future Mother-In-Law to walk down the hall, unlock her office, and retrieve FI’s baby album from the closet in there. 

Sighh.  Just be thankful for your awesome Future Sister-In-Law.  She’s gone down this road before with her mom, so she knows what you need!

Post # 5
43 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I got married about a week ago. And my fiance’s family never recieved invitations because of this.


I asked his mom to get me a list and their addresses as soon as we became engaged. I have a habit of procrastinating, and I did not want to hunt her down and need her to rush them to me. Especially since we had a 6 month engagement.

Well, a month and a half before the wedding I go to mail them out and after asking for 3 weeks my fiance got “Look them up on the internet” from his dad. Even when he asked for their numbers. And his mom got them about 2 weeks before the wedding, and I had the invitations and I was out of town so they did not get mailed out.

My entire extended family was there except 3 people and about 20 people including his parents and cousins in the wedding party were there from his side.

I know this does not help, but just let it go. Unless youi are super attached to his family. Let them just not get invited. Your family and loved ones will be there, and it won’t be your fault if anyone says anything tell them exactly what happened.

Post # 8
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Evie19: I think this is just a Future Mother-In-Law thing. “If I don’t get the addresses, they won’t get invites, there won’t be a wedding, I keep my baby.” LOL. I told Mr.ND’s ma that x was the deadline, and I sent out the ones she did give me and didn’t worry about the ones she never found or gave to me. And when some got returned for bad addresses, I gave them back to her and I told her that she could find the updated address and re-send. They’re still sitting on her counter.

That was the Save the Date battle, Round 2 with invites is next month. *sigh* Glad that you’ve got Future Sister-In-Law in your corner, and a good understanding that you just have to roll with it. I agree with your motto that it’s her family that is affected, not yours. That’s her choice.

Post # 10
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

@Evie19:Sounds like my Future Mother-In-Law.  Literally all we’ve asked her for are the names and addresses of the guests FI’s side wants to invite.  She doesn’t haev a lot of family, and she is very close to her only sibling who lives in FL.  When we originally called her to ask for the info (to get our headcount idea and be proactive by gathering addresses) she laughed and said “um don’t you think it’s a little early??” I FLIPPED OUT.  To my Fiance I was going off about how it doesn’t MATTER what she thinks timing-wise, she just needs to shut up and give us the twelve names and addresses we need.  There are NOT that many people.  That’s not the only time we’ve shared small details with her and she’s kind of laughed like “that’s so ridiculous”.  Once Fiance was talking to her on the phone and she asked when/where I was dress shopping and Fiance told her “her mom keeps talking about maybe going to NYC” and I heard her laugh (in a “that’s ridiculous” way) and say “oh my god, wow” in a very judgemental way.  SO IRRITATING.

I don’t get it: I’m not asking her for money or time.  These are your immediately family members; it shouldn’t be that hard.  Also, this is the ONLY TIME IN MY LIFE where you (and even my own parents) shoud just SHUT UP and give me the info I need.  I mean, if anything I’m making it easier on everyone else by gathering this info so early on.

Anyway, she keeps saying “next time I go to FL to visit I’ll get the addresses”.  Um, WTF.  The FL guests are your sister, and your niece and nephew and their SO’s.  YOu can’t pick up the freaking phone and call down there?? Jesus.

I told Fiance I wasn’t holding up sending out our Save-The-Date Cards because of her.  He totally agreed.  He told her we weren’t waiting and her family just wasn’t going to get Save-The-Date Cards and she said “just give them to me and I’ll bring them with me to FL”.  Um it’s our freaking wedding.  I’m doing things by the book.  PS–mailing freaking Save-The-Date Cards is pretty easy.  Do you want to hand deliver our invitations too? She’s so irritating.

All of my family and our mutual friends have their Save-The-Date Cards and all the information…her family is still in the dark and you know what? I dont’ give a shit.  If they don’t end up getting invitations, so be it. I do not care.


Post # 11
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Evie19: Agreed. I will hand over my address book with a smile. And sit down with hot cocoa and my phone with the FDIL and wrangle the stragglers. I WILL NOT be that Future Mother-In-Law.

@MrsDrRose612: Ugh. I hear ya. I don’t care if this is how you’d do it, if you think it’s too early, if you’d prefer to wait until you see them (in 3+ months). You can get remarried and do it your way. This is my wedding, I’m doing it my way. 

Post # 13
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Evie19: Woohoo for Fiance. Sometimes that’s what it takes. So glad that she came around and that you got your project done!! Weehoo! *happy dance for Evie*

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