Post # 1
Got a call from my mom asking why we didn’t register anywhere. I told her we did, and all the information is on the website, which was listed on the save the date and invitations. She informed me that we were supposed to put an insert in stating where we registered, and that the older people would not know what the URL meant.
Granted, older folks do not use the internet as dependently as younger people. However she went on and on about how we should have put inserts in the invitations. I told her I can’t go back in time and put inserts in people’s invitations but she would NOT stop about the inserts, telling me there is ALWAYS an insert about the registry. I told her she could have mentioned that when I sent her the invitation drafts three months ago and she said one of my “bridal guidebooks” should have told me.
Just irritating when people point out a problem and don’t offer a solution.
Post # 3
Tell her none of your bridal guidebooks would have told you to do it because it’s considered very poor etiquette to include registry info in the invite. She’s wrong you’re right, although that never seems to help or matter with mothers!
Post # 4
I would argue with her that most bridal guidebooks say its tacky to send registry info with an invitation. You win!
Post # 5
fyi, you did the right thing. you shouldn’t include the registry info in the invitation. putting it on the website was definitely the way to go. ignore her- like you said, telling you what you should have done after the fact doesn’t help any, and besides, she’s wrong!
Post # 6
It’s a little annoying when people assume old folks aren’t web savvy. If anyone has trouble, they can ask a member of the family. You know you did the right thing.
Post # 7
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: Amen! I think it’s hilarious that the only person who’s uploaded photos to our guest Flickr account is my grandmother. They can always ask around if they really can’t navigate the Internet.
Post # 8
@yaneres: I agree with the main point of your post, which is don’t critisise someone after they have done something irreversible. The only good criticism is constructive criticism, and in the situation you’re in there is no such thing since invitations have already been sent.
And I disagree with all the PPs that registry info shouldn’t be included in the invitation – i think the couple getting married should decide what they want to do based on the people they are inviting and what is done in their circle. I think that the kind of talk happening in this thread could do precisely what the OP is complaining about: making people feel bad or wrong about a choice they’ve made when really it is a personal thing and no ones place to say whether it is right or wrong -not yours just like it wasn’t the OPs mothers.
Post # 9
Do these older people not know how to pick up a phone and ask about the registry? We didn’t do registry inserts OR a website and everyone still managed to figure it out.
Post # 10
Another example of old etiquette and changing times.
It’s after the fact and your mom should just spread the word by mouth like old etiquette says.
Post # 11
Its bad etiquette to put them in the invatation themselves anyways. So if anyone does have a question about where you are registered it should go through your family.. Not you though by word of mouth.
Post # 12
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: That’s true. Some of my older relatives are on facebook like 24/7, so it’s not true that older people don’t use the internet. I retract that implication.
Sometimes this site saves my sanity. THANK YOU.
Post # 13
as the previous bees posted and I agree. It is tacky to put them in the invite. They go in the brida shower invite and thats fine because your not throwing the bridal shower. and the wedding website or word of mouth is the way to go. have your mom spread the word. just my honest opinion…
Post # 15
@ScarletBegonia: But it’s not really an opinion, it’s proper etiquette. Putting in that insert is the same thing as asking for gifts, which is rude. OP did the right thing. And I wouldn’t say that to someone who had already done it, there would be no point. But she did the right thing, we’re just telling her that.
Post # 16
I agree with everyone else in saying that you’re in the right and that according to etiquitte and “bridal guidebooks” you should never include registry info on the invite – in fact, if your mom had read up on these “guidebooks”, she would know it’s actually traditionally her job to spread the word about your registry. Before wedding websites existed, guests were always supposed to call the mother of the bride with questions about registries, local hotels, etc.