- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
My grandmother fell today. She’s 94, and has sever dementia. She’s not known what’s going on for about 8 years now. I have realized recently that this “not all there”, confused but funny, happy but aloof grandmother is replacing the memories i have of her from when i was younger and she was herself. She’s not herself.
THis is my mom’s mom. My mom has four siblings. It’s been a really long and difficult road between the five of them in making decisions for my grandmother and grandfather. My grandfather is 93, still has his mind, but is so, so, SO feeble. They both are. My mom says that she’s already mourned her mother because she’s not the same. Some of her other siblings seem to ahve a difficult time realizing just how old they really are.
Everything has been going fine. We’ve had a plan in place to get my grandparents to our venue early in the evening so i can have pictures with them. Our venue is preparing a special meal for them to eat earlier. My mom and her sibs have hired a trusted nurse and caregiver to essentially “babysit” them during dinner and the ceremony, and then take them home after the ceremony. It’s too late and too much going on for them to be there. They are so fragile. It scares me.
But, she fell today. She was found in the hallway (they live in an assisted living facility), without her walker. My mom spent the day in the ER with her. She’s got a fractured hip. My mom was told they basically had no choice but to operate, otherwise she could get blood clots. I dont know a lot about orthapedic surgery, but i do know that any surgery is a risk. I’d assume that it’s an even bigger risk the older you are. Fiance isn’t a doctor yet, but he’s a hospital tech and an EMT. He doesn’t kow everything, but he knows the complications that stem from being put on a ventilator, and how difficult it can be to take an elderly person off of a ventilator.
The doctor told my mom it was pretty routine. I feel sure he knows what he’s talking about. But, I worry that something will happen. I worry because i love my grandmother. I am her namesake. We have the same first name. And, as fate would have it, my future last name is her middle name. So I’ll really be carrying on her name after I marry Fiance. But, I also worry because, what if something happens? I have been so worried that this could happen before our wedding. THer are so many factors. we’re 6 weeks out and have tons to do. I dont’ want my wedding day to have a cloud over it. I don’t want to NOT have photos with my grandmother. I’m mostly afraid that if something happened to her, my equally fragil and old grandfather wouldn’t be able to survive the emotional toll that losing his wife of 67 years would take on him. And I don’t blame him….if Fiance and I mamke it to 94 and I lost him, I’d give up totally. What would be the point?
There are so manythings going through my head. But I feel so selfish for thinking “why before my wedding? what if my wedding is the one tainted by the loss of our matriarch?” None of this has happened, but I am aware of how risky this kind of thing is with such an elderly person. I am going to take it one day at a time but in terms of my wedding, i worry about how, if something went wrong, we’d get through the final weeks in which it’s crucial that we are doing things every day. I know this sounds selfish. I don’ mean it to be. I think for me, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my grandmother isn’t the grandmother I knew growing up. She’s sort of…a shell. A very happy and funny shell, but she’s not “nonnie”. I just want her to be okay. I so badly wanted the three generation photo with me, my mom, and nonnie. Not all ofmy fears are selfish, but I can’t help but worry about what it would mean for my family and my wedding if something happens to her. Is this a terrible thing? I am not mad, at all. I am just….sad. For lots of reasons.