(Closed) really personal – long time w/o having sex?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think like you stated, you need to sit down with your Fiance and talk to him. Communication is Key. Maybe he doesnt initiate because he thinks you dont want it? Youll never know until you talk! Or you can also initiate!

Post # 4
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I haven’t had a spell that long, but Fiance and I have gone a couple of weeks before. Talking about it is certainly a good idea, but as you said, sometimes it is a use it or lose it thing. So, you could try using it! I find that the more sex we have, the more we want to have sex.

My suggestion would be to initiate, and see how things go, maybe even for a few days. If he goes along, and you both enjoy yourselves, the conversation can be about how to maintain the sex life you both enjoy so much. If he isn’t interested, well, then you have a conversation about that. Either way, you are having the right conversation.

Post # 5
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I go longer than that on a regular basis! lol. Except i’m in an LDR, soo…

I agree with monitajb and osakagrl. Try initiating and see how it goes. BUT, also talk to him. You need to bring it to his attention that this is a problem and that you are still interested.

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know what you mean about just not caring sometimes. My Fiance and I have not had sex in about a week? and honestly i havent cared much, and i think i can sense that. I have these spells where im not interested AT ALL! But then when I DO have sex its like WTH?! WHY DID I SKIP THIS?! haha

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think its one of those things like… you just need to do it. Just tell yourself, I will make an effort to have sex x number of times this month and do it. I think that a lot of times you think you’re not in the mood… then you get started and you are. If you do that and it doesn’t jump start things then yea… have a talk. But honestly, guys are sensitive about sex so I would try to just do it more and see if you jump-start a new routine before you have “the talk.” 

Post # 11
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, I don’t think that sex has to be a big deal in every relationship.  It depends on the people involved.  I think in the beginning sex happens more often because it is exciting and new but then as things become more comfortable habits change.  

Fiance and I don’t have sex more than once every week or so, or sometime less often, but we are fine with it.  Less sex for us stems from a lot of different areas (busy with wedding planning, high susceptibility to UTIs, lack of sex drive from BC), but we don’t let it bother us.  I do agree with others that talking about it is a GREAT thing to make sure that you are both on the same page and okay with things.  Maybe there is something else that is weighing on him and distracting him?  This happens with my Fiance sometimes.  Also sometimes he doesn’t initiate because he thinks that something is bothering me. 

Post # 12
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think Rachel has a good point.

Post # 13
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have been in a relationship for 6 years and we have had dry spells and….wet spells??? ewww that has an awful connotation LOL!

Really you just have to plug through – when you do it more you want it more! But the opposite is also true – when you do it less – you want it less and people are scared to initiate.

Talk to your Fiance – you may have to “schedule it in” for awhile but you will get your groove back!

 

Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@future mrs. martin- wet spells? lmao

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sex is only as important as you want it to be.

BUT, you have to talk to Fiance and make sure he is okay with infrequent sex. Some men are, some aren’t. Don’t ever unilateraly make a decision that sex isn’t important. That only invites trouble. Not saying you are, just don’t let it happen that way.

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