Post # 47
I understand what everyone is saying, and if this doesn’t work for you, than you need to leave because it may not change. It could just be who he is.
When I got serious with my (then boyfriend), we decided that I would move in, so I didn’t have to pay rent in my other place and quit my job and just focus on school. I clean, cook, make appointments, basically take care of everything other than actually going to a job and working. He makes more than enough and me having a job would actually be worse and the extra income wouldn’t help at all. There would just be 2 people who are stressed about their job and coming home and cleaning and cooking rather than one person who is stressed, and the other helping them relax in a clean house with dinner ready.
So technically, he’s paid for everything over the past 3 years, including the wedding. But it’s just how our relationship works, and it works for us.
Post # 48
Good riddance he was a major moucher. You totally deserve much better than that mess.
Post # 49
Thank you Bees.
To fill the gap a bit, while he was unemployed, I payed all the bills and we divided up the chores evenly (I did all the cooking, he would wash/clean/cut the vegetables; he cleaned the bathroom while I dusted and vacuumed, he would do the laundry mostly, though I sometimes did it myself). The idea was that he would not be unemployed for long and once he got a job, at least we had the chores covered.
It wasn’t the long bout of unemployment (almost 2 years) that bothered me. It was that once he was employed again, he put no thought into creating a savings plan for our future. He spent his pay on himself. He expected that things would continue on in the same manner after he was employed until he saved his money. I was okay with all of this but the problem was that he made no effort to save his money.
Now that we have broken up, I have also been told by friends that he wasn’t putting as much effort into finding employment as he originally made it seem. My friends/family were all actively helping him find a job. One friend told me that he put Mr. Ex in the way of a good contract but Mr. Ex didn’t put much effort into fixing his resume up. My friend went through all the trouble of red inking his resume and asking Mr. Ex to make the necessary updates, Mr. Ex never bothered. Now, as I remember the situation, Mr. Ex told me that my friend gave him the runaround (i.e., Mr. Ex tried to send him his resume but my friend gave him the brush-off). According to Mr. Ex, my friend had no interest in assisting. My friend has now sent me the mail trail of their conversation to show me just how much he tried to help Mr. Ex and how frustrated he was when Mr. Ex kept sending him the same resume (in PDF form) with minor edits. In the end, my friend asked for the Word document of the resume, updated it himself and sent it out to the recruiter.
Another friend tells me that he was able to recommend Mr. Ex for a good paying job in a very prestigious firm but Mr. Ex never bothered to send him his resume. My friend asked him several times and even lectured him for an hour to try and “light a fire under Mr. Ex” but Mr. Ex still never bothered. All I knew about it (from Mr. Ex of course) was that my friend was all smoke and mirrors. I lost trust in this friend and even stopped talking to him because I believed Mr. Ex’s story. Finally, I found out that Mr. Ex turned down some decent job opportunities with recruiters because he thought the job titles were beneath him (even though the salaries were very high). I had no idea he had done so.
On a positive not, Mr. Ex has kept to his promise and has paid me back, thank heavens! I have also realized just how amazing my friends and family really are. They went out of their way to help Mr. Ex with his career – some even threatened to close doors with their own headhunters if Mr. Ex was not assisted. I am so truly blessed to have them in my life and despite the bitterness that I currently feel for being such a stupid fool, there is an underlying joy – like I’ve won the lottery – when I think of the supportive friends and family that I have.
Post # 50
@ABeeC123: so glad to hear that you have supportive family and friends by your side. I know it’s hard but it sounds like this break up was for the best. Hope you’re able to see that you deserve a lot more than that, and best wishes to you in moving forward!!
Post # 51
@ABeeC123: Thank you for updating! This must be so difficult for you but it sounds like you were making smart, clear headed decisions the entire way through!