(Closed) really really sad

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think you should tell him what you just wrote here, and see how he responds, at least then you’ll be talking about it, and not pretending the ignoring isnt happening

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

did it just start on the first day of vacation?

is it possible he’s just really nervous because he will be popping the question on this trip?

i’ll be positive for you! :hug:

Post # 5
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

aww, i wouldn’t worry that this is a sign that he is never going to propose–sometimes, guys just get quiet, especially if they’re distracted! or, at least, i know my bf does. sometimes he either talks so much i can’t get a word in, or it’s like pulling teeth to get him to speak. if i were you, and i’ve been in that place before, i’d just try using a lot of “i” statements, like “i’ve been looking forward to this trip so much to spend time with you, and i feel like you don’t feel the same way when you get the computer out instead of talking to me.” for me, when i explain how his behavior, which he wasn’t even thinking about, makes me feel insecure, he steps up and is really much more proactive and focused on my feelings. often i’ve noticed that when i act more loving and express myself more openly, he does too–maybe if you’re feeling tense about waiting, he’s sensing your anxiety and closing off.

good luck, and try to enjoy the trip!

Post # 6
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

He may just be in funk – It happens to us and it happens to them too!

I wouldn’t project this onto the proposal though – Just give him time!

My Fiance proposed 4 months after his original ‘time line’ that he gave me due to financial constraints!

Enjoy your vacation and enjoy your time with the man you love!

Post # 7
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

Sometimes I’m just quiet. Doesn’t mean anything is wrong most of the time, just happens, and happens to everyone. He could also be nervous if he IS planning something. But don’t despair. About two weeks before my husband proposed to me, I was talking to him about getting married (without any idea a proposal was coming close at all) and he said “I just don’t think it’s a good time.” He didn’t really have a good reason for it, and for awhile, he never wanted to even talk about getting marred. My feelings were super hurt and I thought maybe we never would get married, but I loved him and just said ok, and backed off. And then, he proposed 🙂

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I think you’ll be fine.  SO gets quiet and looks off into the distance, I asked what’s wrong… and it turns out he’s thinking about his work! 

Post # 9
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I advise that you think about this and deal with it NOT in the context of thinking about getting engaged. It can become really easy, when you’re expecting it to happen, to see every argument/weirdness as having impact on it but for the sake of your relationship itself try to deal with the matter at hand (why he’s being weird) without adding the extra stress of thinking about the engagement/getting upset at him for ‘delaying’ it.

 

Tell him to get off the computer and talk to you about what he’s thinking and take the time to let him open up. It could be anything! 🙂

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with Starbit; you need to talk to your boyfriend about what’s bothering you, but getting engaged and why he hasn’t proposed yet should definitely NOT be a part of that conversation!  There is clearly something else going on with your boyfriend, and you two need to talk and find out what it is.  Be patient with him, because it’s very likely that whatever is going on with him has nothing to do with him.  Or even if it does… listen, and talk about it, and work through it, because relationships all go through their rough patches, and it’s your ability to get through them that makes a relationship strong enough to last through something like marriage.

Good luck!!  And do yourself a favor… I know from personal experience that it feels better “at the time” to have your boyfriend give you a timeline for when he’s going to propose… but in the end, it only stresses the both of you out.  Enjoy your relationship!  Enjoy being with one another!  I know, I know, it’s hard to wait when all you want is to move on with the rest of your life- but I’m a big believer that things all fall into place when they’re meant to, and they will for you.  Don’t put stress on your relationship by trying to adhere to timelines.  If he’s who you want right now, and he’s going to be who you want at the end of this “proposal deadline”, and most importantly, if he’s who you want to be with for the rest of your life, then don’t worry so much about WHEN it happens.  It will happen; just have faith 🙂

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