(Closed) really sad.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 38
40 posts

Everybody gets confused and scared sometimes. Especially with something serious as marriage. Its a life time commitment. Give him space, maybe a little time to miss what you had is what he needs. By no means drop him like dirt, but he needs time to sort himself out and you cant really help with that. Only he knows what hes thinking and feeling. Be there for him if he needs you but dont let him use you. Keep things positive as much as possible, Positivity spreads. And I wish you the best of luck! 

Post # 40
6 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cryingbee- yeah, you can divorce someone the next day. Most people don’t, though, and that’s not how marriage should be looked at. Marriage or not, if your life partner is doubting that he loves you and wants to be with you, why on earth would you want to stay with him? You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, no reservations about it.

I went through something similar with an ex. The kindest thing he ever did for me was bite the bullet and break it off. He loved me- just not enough, and eventually that wouldn’t have been enough for me. You know if you love someone and if you want to be with them, and if you don’t, then that’s not a situation you need to be in. How can you be happy with him knowing that you’re going to have to work really hard for him to love you? How much work is he putting in to this? A good relationship isn’t 80-20. It should be 50-50 (though relationships do ebb and flow). If he doesn’t love you, why should he stay when the going gets rough?

You can’t “not believe” in counseling. It isn’t Santa Claus. And honestly, sometimes people need an impartial person to tell them the truth about things.

I know I sound harsh. But I want to spare you from experiencing the same heartache I did. I really do wish you light, love and luck.

Post # 41
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
@cryingbee:  My parents sorta had this view on therapy/counseling/etc… like a person tells you what to do/think. That’s not the job of a therapist/counselor at all. They just provide an outside viewpoint and ask questions you guys maybe haven’t considered or discussed, and have much more experience in knowing what to ask than say a parent or friend. Think of them as a highly skilled question-asker and suggestion-maker… sorta like a friend who just REALLY knows what they’re talking about, but doesn’t have a personal stake.

You’re not putting your relationship or choices into anyones hands; you’re just getting another opinon… kind of like what you’re doing on this site, except we’re mostly just laypeople and barely know you and can’t really converse with you that much, much less him. 


That being said, he might just be in a rut. Relationships change, and maybe he’s just going through a bit of a time emotionally. Do you know what prompted all this? Did anything cause it? Was it just because the “spark” was gone? If so, that is something that typically has to be worked on. People get used to each other, and keeping things new can be a challenge. Do you guys spend pretty much all your free time together, or do you have other friends/activities that you do separately? Sometimes spending time apart helps. Sometimes trying something completely new helps.

But I would ask what started this in his head… what exactly made him question his love for you. Were there any thoughts, or was it all emotion, etc.

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