(Closed) Really? Seriously?! Sorry I need to vent

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

that sucks! she can’t put off one show for a friend who is having one of the biggest moments in her life…

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!

I’m much meaner than most people…I’d buy her the book “Bad Bridesmaid” and put it into her Bridesmaid or Best Man gift, but that’s me lol

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like she’s been a problem through the whole process.. but I will play a little bit of devil’s advocate here.  My husband is in a wedding in a few weeks on a Saturday and the rehearsal dinner is on Thursday night instead of Friday night and honestly it’s a huge pain in the butt for us.  I think when people are in a Saturday wedding they pretty much automatically assume that the rehearsal is on Friday.  So give her a little bit of a break for being surprised. Maybe rather than having everyone rearrange you can just do an additional rehearsal with just her earlier in the week when it works for you both?

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My close newly married friend recently said to me “Weddings are the least expensive way to find out who your true friends are”. It is so true.

You aren’t crazy for wanting your Bridesmaid to take 2 whole nights off for your wedding. I think you have a right to be upset about that. But I also think that it sounds like she’s trying to make it work by juggling the 2 events, so I’d cut her a little slack. Maybe worst case scenario say that you aren’t comfortable with her singing you down the aisle if she doesn’t make rehearsal. But don’t kick her out or anything, that’s a little extreme.

Post # 6
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Brutal.  I hope that when it comes time for my wedding, my girls don’t get all crazy on me!  One can hope anyways…

My thoughts: How selfish of her to not understand that this is a big deal for you and that you asking her to be there with you is one of the sweetest, most meaningful gestures of friendship that a girl can give.  I think you have been more than accommodating (especially moving the Rehearsal Dinner to the Wednesday night!).  Hopefully she will take the hint and everything will work out!  Best of luck 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Well if she’s not going to be on bread and water without that particular gig then I’d say you can be a bit tougher on her.

You understand she can’t make other wedding events, fair enough, but seeing as she has a specific responsibility within your wedding, she does need to be part of the rehearsal so everyone knows what’s what.

Tell her you need her to commit to the rehearsal and the day of – she sounds a bit unsure on that one, tbh -! and that’s just the way it is.

I’d remind her that she’s getting the best possible advertising for herself by singing at your wedding – obv if she’s good people will be interested in hiring her for their own functions. sounds like she’s being difficult for the sake of it.

Post # 9
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I may be in the minority, but I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal.  People have jobs and can’t completely plan their lives around your event.  It sounds like she is trying to work with the date you set as best she can.

One of my bridesmaids can’t come to my bachelorette party, shower, or rehearsal because her law firm won’t let her off work.  Another has to be on call during my reception.  A third can’t make my bachelorette party because her summer internship puts her on the exact opposite side of the country and plane tickets would be close to $800.  That’s life!

It’s not like she REALLY has to be at the rehearsal to know what is going on.  It doesn’t take a genius to know how to walk up and down an aisle.  And if you know that she knows the song she’s singing you down the aisle to, do you really have to hear her singing it that night?

I’d let her try to do but the gig and the rehearsal like she suggested.  It won’t be a big deal at all if she has to rush through her part of the rehearsal a little bit.  It’s not like she’s going to rush on the big day!

Post # 12
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

nope, just put the foot down. Tell her there’ll be no histrionics, no hysterics, but you need her to do this for you. and then you never ask her to do anything for you again.

Post # 13
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

and it’s absolutely important that she’s at the rehearsal. She’s not going to be doing a singsong in the wee hours of the after party, she’s singing in the ceremony. That requires co-ordination of all involved – minister/musicians/bridal party/singer.

Post # 14
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think I’m confused by the situation.  Is the rehearsal not happening at your wedding venue?  Are you mad that she can’t come to the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner? 

Either way, I’d say you should probably cut her some slack.  I know I would never assume that a rehearsal dinner would be any day other than the day/night before the wedding.  And if I’m already  paying for a dress and shoes and wedding gift, etc, I’d probably be pretty miffed if I was asked to blow off a money making opportunity for something that’s not entirely necessary.  At least, that’s how I see it. 

Post # 15
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is tough…I’m dealing with similarish issues…

I totally get that BM’s obviously have lives and concerns outside of my/our weddings…but holy shit, sometimes I dont think they even consider the feelings of the bride.  I’ve hesitated making comments or anything complaining about BM’s cause I always feel like I’m going all “bridezilla”…but I’ve reached the end of my rope I think! hah

For the most part my Bm’s have been good, my Maid/Matron of Honor is amazing, and I’d be lost without her…however, the other three have been questionable.  One just had a baby and purposefully ordered a dress that is too small (wtf??), two of them tried to convince me to get a different bm dress (keeping in mind I wore a dress I didn’t like with pleasure to their weddings), nobody offered to help with my shower when my mom who was hosting was stranded in europe due to the volcano back, one bm didn’t order her dress until like May (wedding is Aug.1), umm….Oh and nobody likes to respond to emails! Its like I write emails to nobody…so one bm (most troublesome), hasn’t responded to my MOh,s emails regarding the bachelorette (which is in less than three weeks)!

This almost sounds trivial now that I’ve written things out, but EVERYTHING has been a headache, and while geography is a bit tricky in my case (people living all over the place), the email silence and lack of interest really makes me feel unimportant, like my wedding is the farthest from any of their minds.

Ok that was a huge vent…I guess I’M just saying that I feel your pain.

Again, I KNOW my wedding is most important to me…but at some point it would be nice to get an email asking “Hey how’s it going?”…

Anyway…blegh, 100% agreed about finding out where you rank on the importance level for friends.

 

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