Post # 62
@ILoveMyKorat: Honey, I’m sorry to say that this guy is playing you. I see from post 8 months ago that at the time you’d split up with him. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/any-other-bees-spending-the-holidays-alone-what-are-you-doing#axzz2d9U1LaIO so this isn’t a stable relationship. Marriage shouldn’t even be a consideration when the relationship is unstable.
Guys who are in love and want to marry do not see their girl only 3 times in 2 months! Don’t believe his words, listen to his actions. His actions say he doesn’t want to be with you.
The way forward for you has got to be to dump him and find someone better. You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess, not a part time girlfriend. The sooner you move on, the better. And don’t spend a cent more on the wedding.
Post # 63
I think you need to take your power back. His behavior tells you all you need to know about where he stands. It’s time to stop chasing him to find out if you’ve been dumped.
You can take control & move on with your life. Why would you want to be with a man who treats you so shabbily?
Post # 64
@interchangeable: “I would not contact him under any circumstances. You don’t need to *break up with him* or anything of the sort. I think he knows exactly what he is doing. And for you to come sniveling around for contact / an explanation / closure is just feeding in to his ego.”
+1. OP, I learned this lesson the hard way, what feels like a thousand years ago, when I did not get the hint that I had become the side girl and was being dumped in exactly the same way you are now.
Any further attempts at contact after this point are only going to erode your dignity and inflate his ego. A man that is willing to put you in this position is Bad News. Time to run the other way and thank your lucky stars that you did not marry him.
I know it sucks when you don’t get your closure all wrapped up nice and neat with a “we’re breaking up” talk, but I promise you that it’s possible to find closure on your own. But only AFTER you’ve broken off all contact.
Post # 65
This sounds like a clusterfuck. How old are you guys?
Post # 66
I agree with a previous poster, not sure why this behavior is a surprise. You kicked him out and for the couple months between then and now you’ve had minimal contact and communication sounds like you broke up with him. It obviously wasn’t working or you wouldn’t have kicked him out. The average person doesn’t get married and plan to live apart.
Post # 67
So, somehow his dialing finger healed last night and he was able to call me a million times. oh, he remembers my number when he wants something. Well, too bad! Aint nobody got time for that!
Post # 68
@StephieBee: We cancelled the wedding and were taking about a small family only wedding sometime next year. but that’s besides the point.
Post # 69
@ILoveMyKorat: On to the next one! And hopefully you find a respectful one!
Post # 70
@ILoveMyKorat: you cant ignore him forever. Pick up the phone break up with him and move on with your life.
Post # 71
@lightmist: Agreed, two wrongs don’t make a right in this case. He’ll be saying the same things about you that you are about him. Be the bigger person, answer the phone, and make a clean break with him.
Post # 72
I agree with everyone else that this is super strange. you kicked him out, you had split up, all that and you were going to marry him? o_O; why???
Post # 74
You are paying for the wedding, you paid for the house, and you guys were living with YOUR mother, and apparenly not even behaving well enough to be welcome there? Does he contribute to your lives together at all?
How were you still even willing to marry him after things got so bad you had to kick him out of the house? What makes you think all the problems that prompted that would disappear because you were married?
I wont even mention all of the break-up back and forth and him ignoring you for days on end.
How on EARTH is this guy even a remotely attractive choice in a life partner? Life is way too short for this crap.
Post # 75
Well, answer the phone if you must but I can almost guarantee you one of two things will happen.
1. He’ll be angry / self-righteous / deflective to put you on the defensive, you’ll let him in a little and start communicating with him again and then next Friday or the Friday after he’ll do the exact. same. thing.
2. He’ll beg and plead to get back in to your good graces, you’ll let him in a little and then next Friday or the Friday after he will do the exact. same. thing.
It’s a control issue. He likes that he has turned you into one of Pavlov’s dogs. He rings the bell, you salivate. Every. damn. time. It’s a very heady experience for guys like him and he truly enjoys messing with you and making you jump-to at his whim.
I don’t think you *owe* him a break-up conversation. There are plenty of situations that don’t warrant one. When you catch a partner cheating, for example, it’s pretty much understood that you are done. I would say that in this case, it is well understood that you two are done.
Except that he probably thinks you aren’t because you never are. You just will not move on from this guy, he knows it, and he is tossing out the line now – several days later – to see if you’ll bite. So yeah. go ahead and bite. See where that gets you.
At this point, no message is the only message he’ll actually believe. And even that will take awhile. Bet you any money this guy is gonna randomly contact you for months to come, just to see if ringing your bell still makes you drool. And when it does, he will laugh and laugh and laugh.
Post # 76
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁