Post # 1
I am home sick from work today and I am really struggling. I had roughly 7 clients booked with me for between 9am and 12.30pm, but I just couldn’t get in. Hopefully someone else can go in to work. I am a tax consultant so it is very client based. Yesterday I had two clients all day, I worked 9-3, but it’s today I am sick.
I know basically what’s behind it, I ran out of one of my medications and missed a dose yesterday. It’s one that I do get quite ill if I miss a day. I also barely got any sleep last night which makes it 10x worse.
In my job with the company I work for, we are all (except maybe for a couple of the top people in the national office) casual. I only get paid for the hours I work. Tax season only has 1.5 months to go and after that the hours will be miniscule, so it is important to get every hour I can get. I just couldn’t today.
On top of the fear of the lack of work, or part of that, is the big financial concern of juggling bills if I am out of work. I should start looking for a second job but it seems overwhelming and next to impossible. I still work six days a week (except being home sick today) but they are shorter days.
Then there is all the wedding planning to be done and organised. The wedding is just over 7 months away and there is so much to do. We need to visit another jeweller that we have been meaning to visit for months to find a possibility for FI’s wedding ring. I will be using my paternal grandfather’s wedding band as mine. Fiance did not want to go last night and it is hard to sort a time because of my work schedule limiting time on Saturdays for things to get done.
I am also still at about 95.5kg, and I am 161cm tall. I still have serious junk food addiction issues. For example, today for breakfast I had red bull and vanilla yoghurt, even with how sick I am feeling.
Sorry for the long ramble, I have missed a couple of my medications that stabilize me and my moods. I just need to get it out.
Post # 2
Jacqui90 : I’m sure you know that missing days of your medication is really irresponsible. I remember you’re in Australia, why don’t you get the chemist to organise all your medications for you? They have heaps of options such as sms reminders, home delivery etc.
Now you’re dealing with the consequences of that. What’s done is done, go get your meds sorted (today!) and get back to work ASAP. No use worrying about another job right now, at least you’re working. One thing at a time.
As far as the junk food, well I’m addicted to smoking so I know what it’s like to have an addiction. I remember you’ve been dealing with this for a long time, and it sound like you haven’t made much progress. Can you try and use substitution? Eat something sweet when you have a craving, but a healthier sweet? Such as strawberries? Not have stuff like red bull/icecream in the house? Distract yourself with a puzzle? Go for a short walk? Ultimately you are the only one who can contorl their eating.
Post # 3
Jacqui90 : I’m sorry Bee. It sounds like you’re just in a rough patch right now. I know I get like this soemtimes where a lot makes me angry or I’m in a bad mood. I hope you figure things out shortly.
Post # 5
Jacqui90 : Sorry to hear you missed your meds, I am sure you will feel better once you have leveled off. As for missing work, yes it is annoying but it is one day. No one is going to die. Rest up over the weekend and go back next week well and refreshed.
As for wedding stuff, just think of it as a list of small things and keep chipping away. You will get it all done.
As for your junk food addiction, I recall you mentioning this before but I can’t recall if you had seen a doctor about it? If not, it sounds like you need some help with this aspect.
Big hugs. It sounds like a rough day but it will get better.
Post # 6
Jacqui90 : You have done tremendously well over the last year and crossed so many things of your list that two years ago seemed impossible. Don’t let one slip up derail all the hard work you have put in.
The last year has proven that you can do this. Do not let those negative voices in your head try and tell you otherwise.
It might be a good idea to check in with your therapist. An extra session can’t hurt right! And it might stop you from back sliding.
Post # 7
sorry Bee. I have major depression and yesterday couldn’t get on my bike to ride into work. Today, I am totally different after getting a couple good nights sleep and getting some things ‘done’ like taking my pets to the vet. I hope it gets better for you, baby steps!
Post # 8
Thank you bees.
MsBeer : I have discussed it with my psychiatrist and psychologist but nothing we have tried has worked.
Thank you for all the support bees, I am just feeling overwhelmed right now. I did pick up my meds last night and have taken that missed medication today so hopefully I feel better soon.
j_jaye : thank you, I have come quite a way. It’s hard to think positively and realize that when I am down like that but I need to.
Post # 9
Take a deep breath and look where you were two years ago. Now, look where you are now. Really look… How far have you come? SO FAR.
You know you stuffed up with your meds. It sucks, yes, it made you super unwell- but in a couple of days you will be ok. It sucks about the missed clients, but gosh, you used to stress about 1 day a week of volunteer work, and HERE YOU ARE TACKLING 6 DAYS A WEEK???? Sheesh, I don’t care how short those days are, it is incredible you have created so much change in your life.
As for the wedding, let all that stress slide until you are well and stabilised on your medications. The issues will seem much smaller then. Ditto for looking for an alternate job. These aren’t worries for now.
As for the weight stuff, you have the tools to address it. I promise you though, that even if you get married at 95.5 kg you will still be an amazingly beautiful bride, it will be a wonderful day and everything will be fine. There are plenty of women who weigh plenty more than you that are absolute goals when it comes to bridal perfection, so stop that worry now. Focus on nourishing your body- redbull does not a breakfast make.
All in all, cut yourself some slack, don’t analyse things when you are off your medications and I genuinely hope everything looks brighter tomorrow for you.
Post # 10
Well some positivity to share: I have had a couple of bridal appointments at different salons now and the last one was a week and a half ago at Wendy Makin. Not only was Wendy Makin there and I MET HER (FI doesn’t understand the excitement of meeting the designer lol) but she drew a sketch for me of what the dress would look like!!! My sister and mother were both there and my one female friend I don’t catch up with often, and I certainly can’t tell Fiance, so I have to share here!
The dress – we’d keep the back the same, except we would be putting 3/4 sleeves on it:
We would change the neckline to this one (get rid of the boat neck and make it a v neck):
And add a belt similar to this (I tried it with this belt):
I LOVE empire lines but thought they would look terrible on me since I am so big, but not so. Our wedding (well the reception part) is book themed and my favourite book of all time is Pride and Prejudice. They definitely wre empire lines in that time period!
Post # 11
I can’t show photos of me in the dress or other dresses as here in Australia (at least at every salon I have been to) you aren’t allowed to take photos in the dresses.
Post # 12
Jacqui90 : I think that that dress is going to look gorgeous! Congratulations!
And I do hope you feel better after taking your medication, resting, and getting some fun wedding stuff done.
Iknow it can be hard when you have a bad day, but think about how far you have come over the past 2 years, and be grateful that you have come this far. One bad day isn’t going to ruin your progress. You can have a better day tomorrow, and I hope that you do. 🙂
Post # 13
anabee323 : thank you. I have a short shift today (4 hours) and I am feeling a lot better today so should be good.
The dress is not definite yet, I still need to visit a couple more places. Plus I balk a bit at the price ($3256 for the custom design and all fittings), but I need to decide soon. The wedding is only just over 7 months away!
Post # 14
I am so glad your health is back on track and well done you on the whole journey .
Re the dress, it seems to me that the alterations you are planning will basically turn it it into a different dress , and expensively at that . There are plenty of longer lace sleeved v neck dresses around , like this for eg . I’d keep looking.
Post # 15
elderbee : thank you! I will definitely keep looking before deciding for sure!