Really trying not to take it personal…

posted 7 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow very well said and explained! I agree 100%. And haven’t we all chased a guy and seen this happen? It sucks but it’s a great learning experience bee. 

 

Tatum :  

Post # 17
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Very well said! I agree. He showed up on the first date and quickly offered up quite a few excuses to you as to why he wasn’t really available to date you. It’s a classic men tactic. Here Is the truth. We are all busy, we all have jobs and friends and lives that keep us away from the phone. But if Obama can maintain a relationship and be president, no one can say they are too busy. If a married man can find the time to carry on an entire affair on the side, the no time isn’t an excuse AT ALL. Lol. 

As people If we see something we want the last thing we are going to do is talk the person giving it to us out of giving it to us. You go on a job interview and you really want that job. You aren’t going to start telling the interview manager how you might not be around much, or have a vacation coming up soon. You are going to avoid saying anything that could be interpreted as you not wanting that job. When men start telling women how busy they are, how they aren’t big texter, how they travel a lot for work, they are telling you they aren’t interested. Think about it. I am sure you have a busy life and finding time for a relationship would take effort. But would you ever randomly tell a guy you really liked on a date how busy you are? And how it might mean you aren’t so available? NO! 

I think you did the right thing with your email to him saying thanks but no thanks. In the future I suggest you take it a step further and just silently move on and block their number. Because all you do by calling a guy out on how not interested he is in you, is waste your own time and confirm to him how clueless you are. He has been telling you with his actions he isn’t interested. You don’t need to point it back out to him, he knows. Dating is a numbers game. Don’t exhaust yourself by having that kind of confrontation with each guy who doesn’t meet your standards. Simply disappear. 

 

sassy411 :  

Post # 18
Member
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Me too. I’m all about pride and saving face in rejection situations!

!honeybee1999 :  

Post # 19
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

In the future, you may want to let the man reach out to you for the next date and not buy the tickets for it. Men will pursue if interested

Post # 20
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee

sassy411 :  you SEXIST (but also 100% correct) swine!!!! Between you and ladyjane123 : , I think the OP has a perfect explanation of the problem AND an excellent solution.

 

OP, I’m sorry for how this must make you feel; however, I think you’ve gotten some excellent advice for the near future. Even though you’ve learned a hard lesson, I think it will be to your benefit. I highly disagree with those inferring that you may have run him away with telling him you know he’s not interested—it’s honestly insulting for him to make you assume that on your own, but you can’t expect everyone to have decency, unfortunately. You’re better off without someone like that, anyway. At least he showed you early on.

 

I truly wish you the best! 

Post # 21
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

sassy411 :  Completely agree with everything you said.

I’d also like to add – do not put all your eggs (aka emotions) in one basket. Date several people at the same time. This will keep you from obsessing over one guy. 

A man who is interested will move earth and moon to spend time with you. If he’s not initiating contact – he’s not into you. 

Post # 22
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

teambryan :  100% agree with this. Unfortunately, when she started doing the pursuing (initiating texts and emails, planning, buying tickets) it may have scared the guy off or he just lost interest. Next time, sit back and let him do all the work. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

No, I don’t think anyone is suggesting that you are crazy. I was suggesting that you allow him to buy the tickets, even though you talked about it in advance, as he could have just as easily purchased them as you could since you both discussed wanting to go. He would’ve offered to do so or told you no, that he’d get the tickets once you offered to do so….if he were truly interested. 

Post # 25
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

Shmacaaa: You kind of sound like my brother. He starts dating a girl, and she’s not as responsive as he would like, and all of a sudden, he’s cutting off all contact, she treated him terribly, and he gets really bitter. I’m not sure if he ever follows through with telling the women off, but he always complains to me about their actions. With every rejection, he gets more down on himself, and I’m sure it’s starting to show.

I halfway think the bees above who are saying the “he’s not that into you” line about reaching out to contact are correct, but I halfway think part of the issue is your chosen mode for communication. I know it’s more cool to text these days, but would it kill anyone to actually dial the phone and have one on one conversation in real time? I actually instituted that with my husband when we first started dating. We would talk not text.

I once told a girl I was traveling with that I thought most people think that I’m a fairly *blanking out this word so no one here will think it* person, and she asked why? I didn’t have an answer, because I’m not and I was unkind to myself. But you can bet your donuts that from that point on, she treated me like one. Let other people have their impressions of you – don’t offer yours up so that they don’t have to wonder about you. Maybe he was interested, maybe he wasn’t, but by offering up your critique, you’ll never have the chance to find out.

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