(Closed) Really Upset About Phone Call with Dr.'s Office About 8 Week Appointment

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 18
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

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@crayfish:  Mine too.

I understand not being comfortable with it at first, but trust me. He has seen thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands of vaginas. And it’s all for yours and baby’s benefit. You don’t want to have cervical cancer and be pregnant. You don’t want to have breast cancer/breast lumps and be pregnant. You want to make sure there is a heart happily beating away in there. An ultrasound, a breast exam, and a Pap smear all need to be done to ensure your safety and health…

Post # 19
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

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Post # 20
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

I understand it’s annoying she wasn’t able to provide more useful info. I think to some extent they don’t know what they might have to do until they see you. They want to do what’s right for you and the baby…whether you were expecting them to need to do that or not.

As for the guy tech being down there…and the internal sonogram thing… I understand that’s not ideal, I don’t really like male gynos, pap smears done by anyone, etc. But I just don’t let those feelings get to me, you know? It’s liberating not to care about that too much.

In those situations I just remind myself that my focus is on my health. I want to do what’s best for my health (and in your case, your baby’s health too) no matter how squicky it makes me feel in the short term. If you are at all worried about the male tech taking advantage of you in any way (I’m sure it’s rare but not impossible), either a female nurse/tech/etc or your husband can also be in the room during that time.

 

Post # 21
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m not going to be as harsh as some of the other PPs.  First, I totally understand your desire to have a female doctor–I prefer females, too and called around until I found a female OB/GYN to work with.  However, it’s very likely that your doctor will not be doing the ultrasound–that would be an ultrasound tech.  So even if your doctor is female, the tech may or may not be (mine was female, but I didnt know that till I arrived).

 

Second, don’t stress about having your husband in the room.  I wasn’t stressed at all until I got to my doctor’s office and saw that the room was teeeeeensy tiny.  Like…tiny!  My old Gyn’s office had very large rooms in comparison.  So I immediately asked the nurse if my husband should stay in the room during the internal exam (while I was in stirrups).  She said most dads stayed, so my husband stayed…

And you know what?  It wasn’t strange at all.  Even in the tiny room, the doctor kept the sheet over me, up to my knees, so my husband could hold my hand, but definitely could not see what was happening down below.

When we went for our ultrasound (just last night, yay!), I was totally prepared for the transvaginal ultrasound, but since I couldnt get an appointment till 8 weeks, 4 days, they did an abdominal ultrasound instead.  So, I didn’t have anything inserted, but frankly I wouldn’t have cared.  I just wanted to see the baby.  And even with an abdominal scan, you have to pull your pants and underwear down to your knees, and they just give you a paper-napkin esque thing to put over your pubic hair, so your bare leg/butt is still visible to the side, where husband is standing.  But again, I didn’t care.  We were both just overjoyed to see the little bean inside me!

So don’t stress.  It won’t be as strange as you might be fearing.

Post # 22
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I had my first internal ultrasound by a man…years before I was kissed, let alone having done anything to make a baby. it wasn’t how I imagined Iand it was fine and it is a situation where I had to put on my big girl panties and deal. I suggest you do the same. What if the exam shows something was wrong. Wouldn’t you want to fix it to help your baby?

EDIT: that came across way bitchier than I meant. Let’s try this again. I don’t like trans ultrasounds, but they are easier than paps and fall into the “this sucks, but I can deal.” I like female techs, but the male was much easier than the female and he couldn’t see a thing. It really wasn’t a big deal

Post # 23
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is this your first? I was so like you when I was pregnant with my son. I had no idea that thoughout the course of pregnancy I’d become a pro in peeing in a cup, getting blood drawn,  and getting used to EVERYONE ON EARTH looking at or sticking their hands in my vagina.

It felt like that’s how the ob/gyn’s said Hello. Dr appt? Vag check.  Feeling ill and need to go to urgent care? Vag check. Maybe in labor and rush to the hospital? Vag check. False alarm, but before you leave: vag check. Nruse shift change? Vag check. Simple appt? Vag check.

This is meant to be a helpful post, I swear! Mentally prepare- in the next 8 months, your vagina is going to have a lot of visitors

 

Post # 24
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Know that you are free to opt out of any medical procedure that makes you uncomfortable or that you do not want. It’s your body. You call the shots. If you don’t get an u/s now, you can get one later. Usually by 12 weeks they can do abdominal u/s. There is not necessarily any reason to get one before 12 weeks (where I live you don’t get one until 12 weeks, and even that one is very much optional) provided that your pregnancy is low-risk. U/s before 12 weeks are used primarily for dating purposes. If you know your dates then you don’t need one. Some find that seeing the baby and the heartbeat does give them peace of mind though.

I was panicked about having a pap at my 8 week appointment and when I finally explained my concerns (an alarming rate of inaccurate results during pregnancy due to cervical changes, feeling very protective of that part of my body at that time, the fact that even if I were to receive an abnormal result no interventions would be undertaken until I had given birth etc.) to my doctor she was totally cool with me declining (I had had one a year prior, never had an abnormal result, and the standard of care in Canada, where I am, only recommends paps every two years in those cases).

While I agree with PPs that you will need to become comfortable with your husband being around during those sorts of exams, I also wanted you to know that it is your right to decline anything with which you are uncomfortable.

Post # 25
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JaneDomani:  If it makes you feel better, at my first ultrasound I went into the room myself, the tech did an external and then the internal ultrasound. Then she let me pee. THEN she went to get DH and did an external ultrasound on my belly in front of him. They won’t let your DH be in the room the whole time just to be sure they’re getting a picture, heartbeat, etc. If (heaven forbid) there’s something wrong or they just can’t get a clear photo, they don’t want to upset the both of you.

Post # 26
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@JaneDomani:  I was always a little uncomfortable with males doing anything down there, but I ended up not having a choice and had a male doctor who did a pap test a few times for me. There was always a female nurse in the room at the same time to make you feel more comfortable. Really… you just have to get over it… 

They don’t make a big deal about being down there, it’s not like they go around making comments! “Lovely vagina you have here”. They barely make it seem like they’re even near there! 

Post # 28
Member
4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@babybuzz:  Really?  That surprises me.  For that very reason alone (in case something was wrong), I 100% would want DH with me in there.  I wouldn’t want them to have to get him and tell him something was wrong.  I guess when the time comes, I’ll have to make sure with my doctor that DH comes in with me.

Post # 29
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly, it’s not that bad. They are medical professionals and whatever they do is in the interests of you and your baby’s health. At 7 weeks I had a *surprise* internal ultrasound with my husband in the room as they thought we had lost our baby. Luckily we hadn’t and I can tell you the last thing on our minds was the embarrasment of the exam. Your husband got you pregnant so he’s seen it all before and for the docs it’s just a job. Get used to it now before you give birth. As someone that’s had a really rough pregnancy, the last thing I think you should worry about is a doctor attending to you.

Post # 30
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

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Post # 31
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@MissFireFlower:  Haha that made me laugh a lot because I have a few buddies in residency programs to become doctors, and they call a rectal exam the “Cook County handshake” at this one hospital because the vast majority of people coming into the ER department will get a rectal exam. Regardless of the illness. DH’s professors make the joke “What is the only reason you would not perform a rectal exam on a patient complaining of ___ symptoms?” “Either they don’t have a rectum, or you don’t have fingers.” Not really vag checks, but definitely related…

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