(Closed) Really Upset About Phone Call with Dr.'s Office About 8 Week Appointment

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 47
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@JaneDomani:  Um, I might be able to help you know what to expect.

At my first exam with the OB (I met with a nurse a week earlier to get asked all the questions about medical history and was given a binder about pregnancy and told what not to do, eat, etc.) I met my OB for the first time.

She asked about my breasts and when my last exam was.  It had been a little while so she did an exam.  My husband was there, but hey, honestly with pregnancy, you have to let yourself loosen up a little bit (I’ll get back to this thought.)  No big deal for me.  She asked when my last pap was and I had one semi-recently so we decided not to bother doing one.  Then she did the internal ultrasound.  It was very exciting to see the heartbeat.  The person that does this does not see any of your lady bits.  You will be handed a wand (you will be laying back with a sheet covering your body and legs and lady parts) and you will insert it yourself.  The tech or doctor just holds onto the end and looks at the screen- not at your parts.  They don’t touch you at all.  It isn’t scary.

That is about it!  What I was saying before is that- try not to worry.  Try to let go.  My OB may not even be at my birth delivery- there are 13 partners so it is likely I won’t even meet the doc, and it could be male on call that day!  Having a baby is like “donating your body,” in a way- and it isn’t really about you anymore.  All kinds of people are going to be seeing you and it doesn’t matter.  They have seen it all!  They are very professional, it is thieir job.  Trust me.  I used to feel like you and now that I am 15weeks I have no qualms!

Post # 49
247 posts
Helper bee

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Ok this has nothing to do with what you posted but please do not claim that the receptionist needed to have ‘someone with an education’ call you back. I used to do part time receptionist work and I am getting my masters degree. Also, a degree or any form of education does not make someone better then anyone else. The receptionist could have been having a bad day, just like you were. Try not to be too hard on the poor girl. You were probably both frustrated and the situation exploded in a way that wasn’t neccesary.

I wish you the best of luck with your appointment and can understand that you’re frustrated! It is hard when you feel like your question is so simple and someone else seems to be very confused. As long as you make your expectations heard I’m sure that your doctor will do whatever it takes to make sure you’re comfortable. Have you considered trying out a different clinic or is there a reason you wish to go to this one?

Post # 50
1747 posts
Bumble bee

@JaneDomani:  I don’t know why everyone is being so hard on you. There are many cultures where men don’t want their wives examined by a male. It’s not abnormal. Find whatever doc that makes your comfortable.

Post # 52
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry that some of the comments were harsh. I don’t think you need to “grow up”.. You are entitled to feel upset if something is making you uncomfortable. I for one would also be really uncomfortable with my fiancé being in the room while I’m getting a breast exam/pap. Yes, he sees me naked. But during sexy time. not under fluorescent lights while I’m laying there spread eagle. Lol. not under those circumatances. I would probably not mind him being there during an internal ultrasound but I don’t think that it would be the most comfortable experience.. And I have only had one male ob/gyn experience but he was like 80 years old. But I wouldn’t want some guy my own age all up in there if I had an option to choose. 

& I would absolutely be annoyed with the customer service at the doctors. i once had a nurse/assistant make snarky comments about my missing my yearly exam because I was away at school and she told me to just use condoms because they wouldn’t be giving me any more bc pills. Rude! It wasn’t my doctor that said it, but I wasn’t impressed so I switched doctors. 

Post # 53
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@hardtoconcentrate:  That’s what two different ultrasound techs have told me. They want to make sure everything is okay before they invite other family into the room. I would also think (I could be wrong), that if something were wrong, they wouldn’t just blurt it out to you and freak you out. Maybe it just depends on the policies of the clinic? I’m in Canada, so for all of my ultrasounds I’ve had to go to an ultrasound/x-ray clinic, they don’t have them in doctor’s offices here (so far as I know). My midwife just has a dopler, no portable ultrasound machne or anything she can wheel in too, so I don’t think this is unique to my family doctor.

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@JaneDomani:  I totally understand the desire for a female tech. I used to have a male doctor and I dreaded my yearly exams. I’m glad you’re doing what makes you comfortable 🙂

Post # 54
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The judgment in this thread is a little overwhelming. As a survivor of sexual violence I can see myself having a lot of similar concerns. Not an insignificant portion of the population has a similar history, and it’s disheartening when I hear about stories like this. My first pap smear was horrible and I go out of my way to avoid these appointments. Fiance and I are intimate, but it took a long time to get to a place where it came naturally and wasn’t terrifying/intensely emotional. This idea that because she was able to make a baby, therefore she should have no problem with people doing xyz to her body blows my mind. She has feelings about this very emotional process. Doctors’ offices should be sufficiently trained to compassionately handle their patient’s physical and emotional health needs.

And honestly, it really surprises me that there is no female ultrasound technician. As pp’s have said, this can be a big religious issue and I’m surprised they’d limit their patient/customer base by not having both.

Post # 55
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you are completely entitled to choose all female providers if that is your preference. I have always made an effort to select female gynecologists in the past and I selected an OB team with mostly females. However, shortly after I became a patient they added a second male doc – upping the chance I’d have a male doing the delivery. I decided to stick it out and was really surprised to find that I really liked both male doctors and felt very comfortable with them. When it came time to deliver, I was really happy when I found out one of the male doctors was the one on call. He was so wonderful throughout the delivery – so much better than I imagine some of the females in the practice might have been.

Not saying my experience should chance your mind, but I was surprised how much my comfort level with doctors depended in factors other than gender.

Post # 56
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Male doctors AND female doctors are both capable of handling your medical problems. I hope to heaven and back that you don’t need an emergency procedure someday in which there is only a male doctor available. It sounds as if you would just about pass out at the thought of it! Don’t make this such a big deal and calm down a bit. Personally I had a transvaginal ultrasound with my husband, mother, and sister in the room. It’s NOT a huge deal. Females have vaginas! It’s nothing new. If you are going to be pushing a child through it, it might be best to break out of that shell a little. 

Post # 57
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

it is a STANDARD visit and they should be able to tell me the standard tests that will take place.

I work in OB… and each OB patient’s first 1-3 visits are different. Sometimes we do the pap at the first visit. Sometimes we do it the third visit. Kinda depends on the day, how busy we are, when the last one was, and if they are high risk. Sometimes we order ultrasounds, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we use a doppler, sometimes we don’t. It all depends… Just wanted to say that no “standard” visit a coookie cutter visit.

Post # 58
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

This post seems really odd to me. You are, of course, entitled to your feelings and wishes, but I think you are overreacting to a lot of things. 

First of all I wouldn’t penalize the receptionist. It’s possible you were feeding into the confusion as it sounds like you are very flustered by this whole thing. I can understand having certain anxieties, but I think you would do best to get over some of them. I am 99.99999% sure that the male technician is not thinking anything inappropriate. It’s his job! I had a vaginal ultrasound to detect endometriosis when I was like 16 long before I had even a clue what a penis looks like, let alone had any sort of contact with one, and my mom was in the room with the male tech. Awkward sure, but it’s healthcare. Be glad you have access and the ability to have a safe pregnancy! Your anxiety over such a minor procedure leads me to believe you are going to have some issues with the rest of your pregnancy. I can’t even pretend to understand why you wouldn’t be ok with your husband being there and seeing it. You’ve obviously had sex and he is no stranger to your vagina. I can’t really sympathize with most of your concerns as they seem excessive to me but I do want to tell you that you will be 100% ok with the ultrasound! They are not painful. Good luck and try to relax some of your anxiety!

Post # 59
3661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@MissFireFlower:  This made me laugh out loud

“…your vagina is going to have lot s of visitors”

Post # 60
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

My LAST comment on the issue… And this is to hopefully make you feel better.

I had a vaginally ultrasound after my MC as I was having some abnormal bleeding. The ultrasound tech (female) gave me the probe and had me insert. She did not even see my lady parts or touch them. Obviously she had to move the probe around inside, but it was far away from my lady parts and I was covered. It was seriously not awkward at all =) GL with everything!

Post # 61
1794 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, you sound very high maintenance. I know you’re anxious, but try to start accepting the fact that you can’t plan or control all aspects of pregnancy or parenting. Why does it really matter if they decide to do a pap or ultrasound at this appointment or another? You will always have the option at the time to decline a procedure that makes you uncomfortable and even if it’s all planned out, any scheduled procedure is at the doctor’s discretion anyway.

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