(Closed) Really Upset About Phone Call with Dr.'s Office About 8 Week Appointment

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 62
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2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

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@babybuzz:  Eh? That seems off to me, regardless of country. If my husband and I were at our first ultrasound appointment and the tech had me in the room alone and did a trans-vag and found nothing inside my uterus or had a bad look on her face, I would’ve been devastated and even MORE upset that my husband was out in the hall. I feel like that’s a horrible attitude for a medical professional to have, as it singles out the woman and puts the partner/father in the position of . . . an accessory.

[comment moderated for personal attack]

Post # 63
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4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@babybuzz:  That makes sense about them not just blurting it out and getting DH before they actually share the info, which I hadn’t thought about.  I’ve also never been through it so I really have no idea what to expect.  I think it could depend on the clinic policies, too.  All things I’ll keep in mind when the time comes.  Thanks for sharing. 

Post # 64
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494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@JaneDomani:  When I was pregnant this year with my son, my first exam with an internal ultrasound was done by a male doctor. It was done because I had some unexplained bleeding and was worried for our baby. He was the first of many male doctors during my pregnancy. The week after the scare, I had another internal exam with my husband present. My woman doctor had my husband standing above my head as they checked me out. At 8 weeks, the baby is so small that they really can’t see anything without doing a transvaginal ultrasound. It’s not until much later that the baby’s big enough for regular ultrasound.

Like others have said, you get used to a lot of vagina checks especially near the end when they want to see if you’re getting ready for labor. During my labor and delivery, I had a male doctor supervise my progression. I was actually sad that he wasn’t able to deliver my son since it was practically a bonding experience having him there all night. An attending doctor did her first solo delivery with our son that morning. The head doctor on call came into the room after our son was born with a cup of coffee looking over stuff as they stitched me up. Both my husband and I laugh about that WTF moment. I ended up having a good experience with the doctor who was with me during labor. Definitely don’t discount a doctor on gender alone.

Post # 65
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@JaneDomani:  I just wanted to chime in that I feel what you’re going through, and I think a lot of people here are getting awful snippy so I wanted to give you some compassion. I’ve had the TV ultrasound a couple of times – to check my ovaries before becoming pregnant, and my first few visits after getting pregnant. They do kind of suck, but they aren’t so awful and I didn’t feel terribly exposed. Having my DH with me holiding my hand during the pregnancy ones definitely made me feel much, much more comfortable, and like others said you don’t look exposed bc you have a sheet over your midsection and legs and DH would up by your head. I too would definitely not have felt cool about doing it with a male tech, I much prefer to have female doctors and staff around that area. My body, my choice! And trust your gut, if you feel like your doctors office gives you bad answers or doesn’t take your concerns seriously, go find a new doctor. I always feel like my doc and the staff in her office are compassionate, listen well, and never brush aside my concerns – that’s the kind of care you should be getting.

Post # 67
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This thread is bananas. If you think you will be able to control every aspect of eveything you are in for one rude awkakening. Being tall has nothing to do with being able to birth vaginally, birth plans aren’t really worth the paper they are written on because you can not plan a birth as if it is a Sunday picnic  and you seriously have got to learn to relax or this is going to be a miserable experience for you. I don’t mean that ugly, but really think about it. Being uptight, emotional and high maintence do what that is positive? There is a lot that is not really in your control and the sooner you accept it and find a way to roll with the punches the happier you will be. Have you possibly thought about talking to someone to help you get past these feelings? Some talk therapy wouldn’t be a bad thing and could be a safe place for you to work out your  feelings. 

Post # 68
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Just wanted to add my two cents. Your comfort level is no one else’ business so don’t feel like you have to justify it. I hope you find a practice with techs and medical staff that you feel comfortable with.  I used to feel very shy about getting paps done but ever since I got an abnormal result 3 years ago, I get exams and biopsies done every 4 months, with videos of the procedure to boot, and the embarrassment has sort of worn off.  There’s something about seeing your cervix blown up and displayed on a giant screen next to your head like a graphic episode of the magic school bus that sort of quiets any shyness you might feel. Though I have to say, no matter how  many times you do it, there’s nothing more awkward than that little scoot you have to do when your feet are in the stirrups but you’re sitting too far back. I had an ultrasound to check out some suspicious symptoms in september. It was supposed to be an external ultrasound but the tech said that she couldn’t find my ovaries so she switched to an internal ultrasound. The probe was very thin and long and didn’t hurt at all. It was a bit cold though. She had to apply pressure in order to get a good look but at no point did it hurt. I was also covered up with sheet.

Post # 69
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

[comment moderated for personal attack]

Post # 70
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

I was raped at 15, and abused by an ex from the ages of 15-17. Because of that, the thought of having a male gynae freaked me out for some time; it made me feel physically sick, I cried thinking about it, etc. So, I can understand how you might be feeling.

However, eventually the time came when I had no choice but to have a male gynae, as I was under investigation for endometriosis and the best specialissts were male. So I bit the bullet, and saw a male gynae. I honestly wondered what I’d been worrried about; I actually had a great rapport with him, and felt much more comfortable with him than with any of the several female gynaes I had seen previously.

There is nothing wrong with having a birth plan; and I also think that if you can safely see a female gynae/tech for your scan, and that that would make you more comfortable, then that of course is what you should do.

But, I think you need to accept that, as another poster said, you simply cannot really ‘plan’ your labour and birthing experience. You can make a plan; but to expect to be able to follow it to the letter is naive. A lot of first-time home births end up in hospital due to complications, for example; or you may find you need more pain relief than you expected and need to go into hospital. I think that planning is fine, but expecting everything to go to plan can wind up being detrimental, as if/when things DON’T go to plan, it can be that much more traumatic. Better to get used to being flexible now IMO, and accept that things may not go as you want, as it will be that much easier if/when your labour/birth don’t go as expected.

As far as transvaginal scans go, I’ve had two. The probe is the size of a small dildo or penis. They will cover it in a condom, and lubricant, and insert it into your vagina. It may feel a little uncomfortable, but it isn’t painful. You will be covered with a large sheet the entire time, and the tech shouldn’t need to touch you; though they may brush against you while inserting it. I honestly preferred my first one to having a smear done, I found it much less uncomfortable (my second not so much as my insides were stuck together, but that’s a whole other story lol). They are really nothing to worry about, and in your case, at least you get to see a baby; I didn’t get to see anything like that, just a missing ovary and a load of adhesions!

Post # 71
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand your decision, but I decided for myself to only see male drs. In My Humble Opinion, I found male docs more compassionate. Its like that they don’t exactly how we are feeling, so they are more gentle, and tend to explain things more. Women doctors have been through this before, and tend to have a ‘buck it up and deal’ attitude.  Am I weird for only seeking out male doctors?

Post # 72
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@JaneDomani:  Man, I’m sorry so many people are being harsh to you. I don’t think you need to grow up, or get over it, etc. It’s your body. If you dont’ want a male doc, you don’t want a male doc. My dad’s a male doc, and he’s great. So what? I’ve never had a male doc, and dont’ plan on it if I can request one when it comes to my vagina. And, yes, if you were having a hospital birth, you may or may not get a male doc but that’s a whole lot different than you booking your appointment and having a choice of who to schedule your appointments with. Different cultures have different practices and beliefs. And the “how did you make a baby with your husband, but don’t want him in the delivery room,” comment may be missing out on the fact that many people/cultures/religions etc only have sex for procreation! Maybe it wasn’t a fun romp, but literally to create life, and they don’t have regular sexual experiences like we may or may not have. A girl at my church was like that. She refused the vaginal ultrasound, and the doctor literally asked her well how did you make a baby. She was offended, because they literally only had sex to create life. So, to each their own. I don’t think you’re wrong in your feelings whatsoever. It’s your body, your life, your choices.

Post # 73
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6414 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Araya:  Nope, I find this too. I’ve had female gynaes tell me that my periods ‘can’t be that painful’, despite the fact I have a super-high pain threshold yet the pain is so bad that not even morphine would alleviate it (I’m not even joking; I had an op 2 years ago, and needed the max dose of morphine, plus tramadol, when I came round as I was in so much pain, and I was still in considerable pain; and that pain was nowhere NEAR as bad as my period pain!), and, similarly, that my smear ‘can’t be painful’ despite the fact that where my endo is located makes a smear uncomfortable. I have found male doctors much more understanding, and I believe it’s because they don’t try to compare, and so accept what you’re saying and believe you. I’ve also heard some horror stories about female midwives.

Post # 74
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3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Araya:   Not at all.  I prefer male Dr.’s as well.  I have a female now because I’ve just moved, but will most likely be looking for another male soon.

I’ve had about 25-30 transvaginal ultrasounds.  They are nothing to be afraid of.  It’s less invasive than a annual as they aren’t even looking at your hoo-ha.

Post # 75
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Slightly off topic… but regarding birth plans…

I am a pediatrician and during my residency we’d often get called emergently to delivery rooms if the OB’s were concerned the baby might need resuscitation (i.e. measures to save their life!). More than once I went in with a male co-pediatric resident to be ready to help the baby, and the mother — while actively pushing out their newborn baby — would yell from the bed “THIS WAS NOT IN MY BIRTH PLAN!!!”  — meaning having a male doctor in the room (to save their baby’s life!) LOL. But I bet having a sick baby was not part of the birth plan either… Still makes me shake my head in disbelief. 

Post # 76
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3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@SproutBee:   Jesus.

Makes you wonder..if there were two Doctor’s in the world…one male, one female.  If you were told the male were the much better Doctor than the female, how many people would just choose a female out of comfort?  I’d much rather have the better doctor, no matter the gender.  These people see vaginas every day, nothing to be ashamed about.

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