- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2006
[comment moderated for personal attack]
[comment moderated for personal attack]
Like others have said, you get used to a lot of vagina checks especially near the end when they want to see if you’re getting ready for labor. During my labor and delivery, I had a male doctor supervise my progression. I was actually sad that he wasn’t able to deliver my son since it was practically a bonding experience having him there all night. An attending doctor did her first solo delivery with our son that morning. The head doctor on call came into the room after our son was born with a cup of coffee looking over stuff as they stitched me up. Both my husband and I laugh about that WTF moment. I ended up having a good experience with the doctor who was with me during labor. Definitely don’t discount a doctor on gender alone.
@JaneDomani: I just wanted to chime in that I feel what you’re going through, and I think a lot of people here are getting awful snippy so I wanted to give you some compassion. I’ve had the TV ultrasound a couple of times – to check my ovaries before becoming pregnant, and my first few visits after getting pregnant. They do kind of suck, but they aren’t so awful and I didn’t feel terribly exposed. Having my DH with me holiding my hand during the pregnancy ones definitely made me feel much, much more comfortable, and like others said you don’t look exposed bc you have a sheet over your midsection and legs and DH would up by your head. I too would definitely not have felt cool about doing it with a male tech, I much prefer to have female doctors and staff around that area. My body, my choice! And trust your gut, if you feel like your doctors office gives you bad answers or doesn’t take your concerns seriously, go find a new doctor. I always feel like my doc and the staff in her office are compassionate, listen well, and never brush aside my concerns – that’s the kind of care you should be getting.
Honestly I’m glad that many of you are comfortable with male doctors. It would be a shame for a male doctor to go through all that education and have no one comfortable with being seen by them. So GREAT! I’m happy for you.
There is however no shortage of female doctors, so for ladies who are not comfortable with male doctors- we have a choice! And yes, I do plan to exercise it! Did I acknowledge that emegerncy sitations are different? YES! Did I say I would let my husband in to see the ultrasound YES. Should I lie to myself and to all of you about how uncomfortable that makes me?! What would be the point in lieing about it? So I’ve acknoweldged that having my husband in the room for an ultrasound makes me uncomfortable but I’m willing to do it for him anyway. So he’s happy with that. PLENTY OF MEN are uncomfortable being in the room for that- and I really hope no one jumps down their throat about their feelings. Comfort levels go both way.
DID I EVER SAY I DIDN”T WANT MY HUSBAND TO SEE ME NAKED? NO!!!!! He’s has many times. I can also tell you the name of every single man that has ever seen me naked- and I don’t want to add some doctor I can’t remember the name of to that list. You can think thats weird, but I don’t care! Its the way I feel.
Also my husband is more comfortable with me having a female down there.And I don’t think thats unreasonable since I feel THE SAME WAY.
From everything I read a lot of people here don’t have birth plans or design how they are going to give birth. They go with the flow of whatever doctor they picked. That’s fine but plenty of women like to have a birth plan, like to know what to expect at appointments (there are plenty of threads asking!), like to know what is going to happen to them and how they are going to be touched.
Honestly, the negitivity and lack of support here is amazing. I have NEVER had anyone think I was unreasonable or childish for wanting a female doctor. MY DOCTORS OFFICE WAS MORE UNDERSTANDING THAN THE WOMEN ON THIS THREAD.
I’m NOT coming back to this thread. As others have said, some are rape victiums, some come from different cultures, different religions and medical care providers should be accomdating in order to provide the BEST care possible. Its sad that many of you think that a patients feelings shouldn’t matter.
This thread is bananas. If you think you will be able to control every aspect of eveything you are in for one rude awkakening. Being tall has nothing to do with being able to birth vaginally, birth plans aren’t really worth the paper they are written on because you can not plan a birth as if it is a Sunday picnic and you seriously have got to learn to relax or this is going to be a miserable experience for you. I don’t mean that ugly, but really think about it. Being uptight, emotional and high maintence do what that is positive? There is a lot that is not really in your control and the sooner you accept it and find a way to roll with the punches the happier you will be. Have you possibly thought about talking to someone to help you get past these feelings? Some talk therapy wouldn’t be a bad thing and could be a safe place for you to work out your feelings.
Just wanted to add my two cents. Your comfort level is no one else’ business so don’t feel like you have to justify it. I hope you find a practice with techs and medical staff that you feel comfortable with. I used to feel very shy about getting paps done but ever since I got an abnormal result 3 years ago, I get exams and biopsies done every 4 months, with videos of the procedure to boot, and the embarrassment has sort of worn off. There’s something about seeing your cervix blown up and displayed on a giant screen next to your head like a graphic episode of the magic school bus that sort of quiets any shyness you might feel. Though I have to say, no matter how many times you do it, there’s nothing more awkward than that little scoot you have to do when your feet are in the stirrups but you’re sitting too far back. I had an ultrasound to check out some suspicious symptoms in september. It was supposed to be an external ultrasound but the tech said that she couldn’t find my ovaries so she switched to an internal ultrasound. The probe was very thin and long and didn’t hurt at all. It was a bit cold though. She had to apply pressure in order to get a good look but at no point did it hurt. I was also covered up with sheet.
I was raped at 15, and abused by an ex from the ages of 15-17. Because of that, the thought of having a male gynae freaked me out for some time; it made me feel physically sick, I cried thinking about it, etc. So, I can understand how you might be feeling.
However, eventually the time came when I had no choice but to have a male gynae, as I was under investigation for endometriosis and the best specialissts were male. So I bit the bullet, and saw a male gynae. I honestly wondered what I’d been worrried about; I actually had a great rapport with him, and felt much more comfortable with him than with any of the several female gynaes I had seen previously.
There is nothing wrong with having a birth plan; and I also think that if you can safely see a female gynae/tech for your scan, and that that would make you more comfortable, then that of course is what you should do.
But, I think you need to accept that, as another poster said, you simply cannot really ‘plan’ your labour and birthing experience. You can make a plan; but to expect to be able to follow it to the letter is naive. A lot of first-time home births end up in hospital due to complications, for example; or you may find you need more pain relief than you expected and need to go into hospital. I think that planning is fine, but expecting everything to go to plan can wind up being detrimental, as if/when things DON’T go to plan, it can be that much more traumatic. Better to get used to being flexible now IMO, and accept that things may not go as you want, as it will be that much easier if/when your labour/birth don’t go as expected.
As far as transvaginal scans go, I’ve had two. The probe is the size of a small dildo or penis. They will cover it in a condom, and lubricant, and insert it into your vagina. It may feel a little uncomfortable, but it isn’t painful. You will be covered with a large sheet the entire time, and the tech shouldn’t need to touch you; though they may brush against you while inserting it. I honestly preferred my first one to having a smear done, I found it much less uncomfortable (my second not so much as my insides were stuck together, but that’s a whole other story lol). They are really nothing to worry about, and in your case, at least you get to see a baby; I didn’t get to see anything like that, just a missing ovary and a load of adhesions!
I understand your decision, but I decided for myself to only see male drs. In My Humble Opinion, I found male docs more compassionate. Its like that they don’t exactly how we are feeling, so they are more gentle, and tend to explain things more. Women doctors have been through this before, and tend to have a ‘buck it up and deal’ attitude. Am I weird for only seeking out male doctors?
I’ve had about 25-30 transvaginal ultrasounds. They are nothing to be afraid of. It’s less invasive than a annual as they aren’t even looking at your hoo-ha.
Slightly off topic… but regarding birth plans…
I am a pediatrician and during my residency we’d often get called emergently to delivery rooms if the OB’s were concerned the baby might need resuscitation (i.e. measures to save their life!). More than once I went in with a male co-pediatric resident to be ready to help the baby, and the mother — while actively pushing out their newborn baby — would yell from the bed “THIS WAS NOT IN MY BIRTH PLAN!!!” — meaning having a male doctor in the room (to save their baby’s life!) LOL. But I bet having a sick baby was not part of the birth plan either… Still makes me shake my head in disbelief.
Makes you wonder..if there were two Doctor’s in the world…one male, one female. If you were told the male were the much better Doctor than the female, how many people would just choose a female out of comfort? I’d much rather have the better doctor, no matter the gender. These people see vaginas every day, nothing to be ashamed about.
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