Post # 1
I’ve been trying to decide on writing this… And I’m finally giving in! So, SO and I have been together for over a year, but have been friends for many years…He has given me a timeline that I’m pretty happy with, although recently, he has said something that has REALLY REALLY been bothering me.
Mutual friends of ours have recently gotten engaged after being together for 6 MONTHS! Now what bothered me about this is SO’s response to the engagement news. He said: “oh yeah, six months is plenty of time to get engaged.” What does that even mean? Furthermore, if it means what I think it means, then:
WTH??!! Why are you making me wait another year??!!
this happened several weeks ago, so I’d hate to be bringing up old stuff; but I just really feel like I should confront him and ask him why he feels like 6 months is “plenty” of time for our friends to get engaged yet by the time we get engaged, we will have been together for over 2 years??!
What do y’all think? Should I say something? Just shut up? Am I overacting?
Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
I’m confused what the issue is? You want to get engaged sooner than the timeline he gave you and are annoyed he is happy for your friends who got engaged after 6 months?
Post # 4
Ok, calm down. Firstly, remember that timelines are different for everyone. For two people with established careers and perhaps having been friends first, 6 months might be the right amount of time FOR SOME PEOPLE.
You and your SO are just going at your own pace, one that you were both happy with before this happened. You decided on this timeline for a reason, remember? Besides, it’s only a year and in that time you can focus on two things.
1) All of your “lasts” your last spring as boyfriend/girlfriend. Your last Christmas, your last summer. All of those lasts in this fleeting moment as boyfriend/girlfriend. You’ll be married for most of your life! Enjoy this time now.
2) Plan without having to plan. Spend time on Pintrest and wedding bee and enjoy weddings without having to make any plans! You won’t get this chance again.
Also, are you sure that your SO wasn’t being sarcastic? That comment sounds really sarcastic to me when it’s written out.
Post # 5
@mcarey2: I feel like you’re over reacting. Me and my SO have been together for 4 years (and still no ring! Haha!). But I don’t mind, because we’re together – and that’s what matters.
Some people get engaged early on, some take years. Maybe he’s not ready? Maybe he hasn’t got the money for a ring?? Who knows. You shouldn’t compare your relationship to other peoples. As long as you’re happy together, that’s all that should matter 🙂
Post # 6
I’m guessing he really meant that 6 months is enough time to know if you want to marry someone. If my guess is correct, you are waiting because he needs to save or do/have something else before you get married. You’re not waiting a year because he’s unsure of your relationship, right?
Post # 7
@Everdeen: those are very good points that I didn’t even consider! I don’t think he was being sarcastic but either way, I see now that I should just enjoy our relationship as-is (which is going very well, btw)… Thanks for the advice.
@AlwaysSunny: The more I think of it, the more silly I feel. That was probably EXACTLY what he meant. The waiting isn’t based on the sureness of our relationship, but its mostly because of school (he’s finishing up med school and I’m finishing up nursing school.)
Post # 8
I agree, not every relationship works on the same timeline. I suspect you may have conversed that 6 months is rather quick, to which he responded it’s long enough….however, he probably did not mean it’s long enough in general, but that it’s long enough for them.
Me and Darling Husband worked on a super slow timeline, it just worked out for us that way.
Post # 9
Baded on your OP and the follow up that you are both finishing school I’d say it is best to just calm down and stick with your timeline. He probably wants to just have things finished so you can enjoy your engagement and not have to juggle it with school. Mine was waiting a little and by the time he came around to being ready, he realized I was in the last month of grad school, finishing a huge project, and on stress overload, so he decided to wait until after graduation. Although I was picturing myself engaged by the end of school, I am so glad he has waited. Also, some of our friends are newly engaged after 9 months of dating, and we are happy for them, though he said he (yes it’s true) now feels a little more pressure to make ours happen, so I told him “all timelines are different”, but “they felt ready and they are moving forward. We needed more time.” Get your friends a card and a bag of candy (or their favorite drinks) and spend some time cuddling with your FI-to-be and tell him you are happy to spend this time dreaming with him with less pressure. As a PP said, some planning without having to plan feels great!
Post # 10
And two years is not a long time to date before being engaged. If you were dating for like 4+ years, I’d say you have a point, OP. Just try to be patient.
Post # 11
I think 6 months is plenty of time to get engaged for some people but not all people. Clearly he doesn’t feel it’s “right” for your relationship and I don’t think there’s really anything wrong with that. I’m sure your day will come soon!
Post # 12
@mcarey2: It’s funny how we can’t help but have these “OMG WTF” reactions to things, but then as soon as we actually think about them we totally realize how crazy we’re being. We’re emotional creatures! But that’s what this waiting board is good for 🙂
You know EXACTLY why he’s waiting (school) and you know that he loves you. Sounds like everything is awesome!
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
Perhaps he was just offhandedly defending his friends decision but it’s not something he’d choose for himself? That’s kind of what my Boyfriend or Best Friend did when his sister got married in under a year (she must have been engaged at about 2 or 3 months), he wouldn’t criticise what she was doing because it’s her life but he said ‘I wouldn’t propose in that time’ a fair amount.
it’s good that your guy wants to get school out of the way 🙂 good luck in nursing school!
Post # 14
@mcarey2: I agree with PPs, I think you may be overthinking this a bit 🙂
Post # 15
@mcarey2: I could be wrong of course but I get the feeling that your BF’s comment is missing some context. It just seems to me like he said this in response to someone (maybe you?) talking about how quickly the engagement happened. Perhaps what he actually meant was that six months is plenty of time to “know.”
I’m going to guess that your Boyfriend or Best Friend has reasons for wanting to wait to get engaged – that there are things he wants to complete/accomplish, etc. If he feels the other couple doesn’t have those concerns then, that’s them.
If you feel I’m off base here or his comments are still bothering you, then ask but don’t make it an angry, emotional challenge.
Post # 16
@mcarey2: …? Why are you flipping out? Two years is no time. Seriously. It’s not like he’s dragging things on forever. Maybe he was trying to let his friend, who was robably getting grief for a short engagement, know that 6 months was fine, and he started to carry that feeling around with him.
And, yeah. Maybe he feels that 6 months is fine for his friend, but not for himself. What on earth is wrong with that?
EDIT- jsut saw your follow up, OP. 🙂 I tihnk it would be fair for you to have claimed temporary insanity and quietly move on. 🙂 Glad you’re reorganizing your priorities and focusing again on your relationship. 🙂