(Closed) Really upset– am I justified? :( help.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@memleyxx:  Calm down. It was your idea to do this. Erotica in the written word may be fun for you but not so much for him. So this is one V-Day gift that he’s not that much into, so what? It’s just one, you’ll have lots of V-Day gifts over your lifetime.

Yes, you put time and effort into it and he “only” read it–twice. He. read. it. He thanked you for it, and it’s over.

Now cut the guy slack, don’t replay this in your mind over and over and make yourself unhappy, that is so girly.

Post # 4
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can see why you’re feelings may have been hurt. You did put thought into it and it sounds like he did as well since you said you enjoyed his story to you. 

If I may make a suggestion based on my experience. Men are more visual creatures, hence their fondness for porn. I saw an article somewhere about how women tend to like more erotica reading while men prefer the visuals that porn provides. This is the case with me and my husband.

I’m sure you’re man appreciated it. Try not to be too hard on him. Like I said, I don’t fault your for your hurt feelings but do consider that he did take the gift idea seriously since he obviously cared enough to take the time to write out something you so obviously enjoyed. 

It’s ok to go to bed angry sometimes. I don’t like to either but I do find that sometimes, the next morning things don’t always seem so fresh and anger-worthy in the morning.

Post # 7
Member
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FauxPas2012:  agreeed! I dont know any guy who would repeatedly read any erotic story. So twice sounds right to me. He didnt reject it, you are over reacting.

Post # 8
Member
2954 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@memleyxx:  I think your feelings are hurt because he just wasn’t into it like you were. At least he was honest about it.  Would you have prefer for him to tell you what you wanted to hear??

Post # 9
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@memleyxx:  You can choose to think about the unhappy event or you can choose to let it go; re-playing the event doesn’t move you forward.

That he didn’t value you gift as much as you did is too bad. I was thinking of the “men as visual creatures” truth, too, when I read the OP.

Post # 11
Member
2954 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@memleyxx:  I think maybe he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings!  

 

Post # 12
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

He read it twice, that’s pretty good for a guy!! I just asked my SO if he’s ever read erotica… He said “Why would I when I can watch porn?” Haha!! Good point. I think he’s right…

I bet that if you’d sent him a video he would have watched it a bunch of times!! 😛

Men are visual creatures.

Post # 13
Member
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Quinlan:  My guy is into erotic books and porn 😉 and pretty much twice is the max that he would do for his favorite passages. 

Post # 14
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It was your idea, so he might not have been as into the idea as you were. I know it stinks that you worked hard on it and he didn’t read it manymany times like you might have expected him to, but you gotta cut him some slack. It just wasn’t his thing, and he didn’t want to avoid hurting your feelings. He’s not going to sit there and tell you that something you worked hard on wasn’t his thing. He was trying to be sweet and spare you disappointment.

Post # 15
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Men are visual creatures,  I’m sure the pictures you sent he looked at over and over and over again. It’s more of a female thing to enjoy erotica in the written form.

Post # 16
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you are being way too overly sensitive about this. Men don’t really tend read erotica, so be happy he read it twice. I think it was sweet he even agreed to do this with you. 

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