Post # 1
My husband’s mother has made it clear she does not like me. She refused to even attend our wedding which was only a few months ago. Now she wants him to have dinner with her at her home and I am not invited. When I begin crying and ask him not to do this, he told me i am too damn controling and he should see her without me.
I am afraid she is going to cut me out of his life by taking his time away from me.
I removed my wedding ring and told him I would call a divorce lawyer if he sides with her,
He was so angry he told me to go right ahead and that if he can’t see her then there is something wrong with me mentallly.
I am so hurt and so angry. Should i call the lawyer? Should I force the issue and make him choose?
This is not the first time she has ask to see him alone. She has also accused me of crap like stealing from her and listening in on her phone calls. none of which I have done!
Post # 2
I let my SO hang out with his mother alone whenever he wants, it has never bothered me because that is his mom and I see my parents without him all the time as well. HOWEVER, being purposefully NOT invited would be hurtful I agree. She does sound like a paranoid nutcase from what little you have said about her accusations but it is for your husband to work out with her. He needs to make it clear that you are his wife and his mother needs to respect that.
Post # 3
She sucks. But he can still see her without taking sides. Talk to him about setting ground rules
Not in your home. She cannot bring you up, visits are once a week or month visits, for example.
I had an awful mother in law and I never cut her out. But I feel for you. Distance yourself from her and set boundaries. Learn to become ambivalent and unaffected .
Her power is in hurting you, remove those opportunities and choose to step aside. Don’t make yourself a target.
Not to say your husband can’t stand up to her. But he can’t change her either.
You can choose what you will accept or not
You need a trusing and calm conversation with your husb.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I’d say it’s two-card time – set up an appointment with a marriage counselor, and a divorce lawyer. Get business cards for both and tell him to pick one. Also if you’re on Reddit check out r/justnomil and r/justnoso
Post # 5
You are severly over reacting to this. Threatening divorce and removing your rings? Dramatic much? It’s dinner with his mother. He should be able to spend time with her without you. If your husband loves you and wants to be with you, his mother will not persuade and take him away from you.
Post # 6
How old are you? Threatening divorce over this? Wow… super petty.
Post # 7
thank you all for the advice. this is my first marriage and his as well. I think sometimes i wonder if marrying an older man was even right. I love him but it hurts when he won’t stand up to her.
Please pray for me.
Post # 8
This isn’t just a case of him having dinner with his mom as a casual drop in after work. It seems like it’s a case of his mother intentionally excluding you because “she doesn’t like you”.
A man should never choose his mother over his wife. A couple needs to present a united front if a parent is behaving poorly. You either need to be invited to dinner or he needs to decline the dinner invitation. You are married. You’re a package deal.
I think this was handled incorrectly on both sides and you both need time to calm down. After things are level again, have a conversation with your husband and tell him that you won’t tolerate his mother treating you as if you don’t exist or in an inferior way. Be clear that you expect him to support you in this.
Post # 9
ravenslair2018 : You’ve posted about this many times, and have mentioned previously taking off your engagement ring and calling quits, complaining about his family not paying for your wedding, who should he choose, etc.
He clearly isn’t going to stop seeing his mother, if you can’t deal with that then just leave.
Post # 10
This issue started well before your wedding, so uh, what did you think will change?
And you are very dramatic in all of your posts. Calm down
Post # 11
Sorry, I couldn’t vote in the poll because the option “You’re being a total psycho” isn’t there.
Post # 12
“complaining about his family not paying for your wedding”
Yeah, maybe the Mother-In-Law doesn’t like you because you expected them to pay for the wedding. Just a thought.
Post # 13
I disagree that he shouldn’t see his mother alone. Why force two people into the same place that don’t like one another? That is totally bizarre and nonsensical. It’s phony and stupid . Jmho.
She doesn’t have to like you. But she has to hold her tongue and be respectful and not manipulative. If she can’t get along with you then the cursory mother/son visits are ok and give you peace, too.
Post # 14
You do sound controlling. And manipulative. And immature. Crying, taking off your ring and threatening divorce are all really shitty things to do.
You’ve posted about this 9 months ago and 6 months ago. This was how you ended your last thread:
“Now she has banned me from coming to her home! called me a mental case and refuses to come to the wedding! I’ll fight any woman who tries to take my man!”
Also this little gem:
“I am beyond hurt right now and have removed my engagement ring. I have no family to help pay for the wedding I am supposed to be having. My husband to be’s family has refused to help. he won’t stand up to them nor does he understand how upset I am. I don’t know what to do! “
it’s just not fair. I don’t deserve anything nice!? I just won’t get married.! Ever! sorry but if I can’t have at least the same as any other woman I don’t wanna hang around! I’m sure you all got your big wedding days!
How old are you, you sound 14.
Post # 15
Come on, Bee. Making him chose? Removing your ring? Divorce? Why not just plan a nice evening by yourself when he visits MIL? Have friends over for wine and a movie. Fact of life: not everyone is going to like you, including in-laws. Don’t resort to tantrums. Handle it like an adult.
I’m curious why she doesn’t like you, but your post might be enough to draw conclusions.