Post # 1
Hi Bees! Me again,
As I mentioned in other posts, fam and friends are flying to us in NorCal.
I want to be cognizant of what is acceptable to everyone in general they are flying to us and it’s basically a destination wedding.
What is acceptable for:
- Hotel/lodging per night (assume 3 nights)
- Transportation (rental car, shuttle to and from airport, getting around if no rental car etc)
- Food options (do we provide more food for them since they are coming from far away in days leading up to the actual wedding day?)
- Activities (how much do I help with that? Do I try to get a group rate? Do I just give options)
I have 18 months to go so I have plenty of time to figure things out but some of these questions will totally dictate which direction I want to go in.
To be honest I have totally lost track of what is normal when you fly somewhere for a wedding. In the past 2 years alone I’ve flown back across the country at least 12 times to come back for bachelorette parties, weddings, holidays, 30th birthdays, graduations, rented a car at least 10 times and gotten a hotel or chipped in for lodging at least 4 times. It sounds like a lot but I think I am lucky I have so many friends and fam to fly back for and I am old enough (and was single enough) to be able to afford it.
That being said, it’s horrible but I have this mindset of “well I came back to you guys 100 times since I’ve moved out here so I’m only asking you to come out once” but I really want to try and be as accomodating as possible. I also understand there is a difference in flying “home” where I know people and can crash at ppl’s houses that have stocked kitchens vs. a true trip where everything is from scratch. I just need help from you guys to level-set me on what is “normal” for people in general.
Thanks in advance for your help! I think I’m done posting with my initial questions for now.
Post # 3
I’m a bit confused about your questions… you want to know what is acceptable cost wise? Without knowing the location it’s hard. For example, hotel prices in San Francisco are different than those in San Jose. Where is the wedding being held?
The only transportation I would suggest paying for is a shuttle to and from the venue.
I think you do need to do one pre-wedding event that you pay for, such as a welcome cocktail or something similar, but other than that I don’t think you need to pay for their food leading up to the wedding. A day after brunch is always nice, but certainly not necessary. Furthermore, the most important thing is to organize an event for them to go to, not necessarily pay for it, so you could still do a welcome cocktail but not host it.
I would set up some affordable activities and give them the option of joining. For example, wine tasting in Napa – you could help pay for the transportation (if you wanted – even that is not necessary), but they would pay for all tastings, etc.
I think it’s more about creating events and options for them, and less about you having to pay for it all. When I travel for a wedding I don’t expect the bride and groom to pay for everything. I made the choice to attend the wedding, and with that comes certain expenses. I also think out of country weddings are different than in country, even though most people may still have to travel. If the couple lives in Florida, I don’t consider me traveling to Florida a destination wedding just because I happen to live in California. It’s not her fault I don’t live there!
I’ve helped friends with stuff like this in the past so let me know if you need any help or ideas 🙂
Post # 4
@SerenaSF: Thanks so much! We are still deciding but it may be in Lake Tahoe. I am also considering SF and Napa. A welcome cocktail reception is a great idea! Also the wine tasting is a good example too. I will look into finding similar activities in Tahoe as far as creating different options. Thanks in advance for offering suggestions, I will probably take you up on it at some point 🙂
Post # 5
I agree with a lot of things that SerenaSF mentioned above.
A welcome cocktail or if it is in your budget, a welcome dinner, is always nice. If you pick Napa, you would have a ton of delicious local wines to offer at it!
Most people will probably have a rental car if you pick SF/Napa or Lake Tahoe. It is nice to set up a room block for guests at a reasonably priced hotel. Then guests can call the hotel or go on-line and get the special room rate. Welcome bags that include a local map and list of nearby activities is helpful and guests always appreciate some snacks and goodies in the bags too.
If you end up picking Lake Tahoe, guests can enjoy taking a boat ride on the lake. The M.S. Dixie does these. Some people may want to golf or gamble. Horseback riding is another option there too. Good luck!
Post # 6
This is my first post on Wedding Bee and I’m in a similar situation! We have some friends in the area but all of the family (on both of our sides) are flying in from all over as well as close friends.
I want to book a hotel block for them (our wedding is in Napa – St. Helena Catholic Church and CIA Greystone) but after looking at several around the area on Kayak, etc. it looks like they are all pretty pricey…
Does anybody have any recommendations? (Sorry to hijack a bit).
Post # 7
@Ashy731: Wouldn’t people want to book their own hotels? They should be the ones deciding how much they are comfortable with–or are you going to be booking and paying for the rooms yourself? If that were the case, come up with a reasonable amount that you will pay and if they want to stay at a more upscale place they can make up the difference