Post # 1
Hello bees. I’m looking to get some different perspectives.
I haven’t been to many bridal showers. I have been to a couple that were fairly standard affairs with a bunch of women of various ages who sat around a restaurant or someone’s house and watched while the bride opened a pile of gifts. Then a bit of uncomfortable chatting because a lot of these people don’t know each other very well.
I already kindly turned down one bridal shower that my cousin wanted to throw because she was talking about inviting some people who will not be invited t the wedding.
My Maid/Matron of Honor has offered to throw a shower and asked for my input. She is super organized and very sweet and she’s like my sister. So I know she really would be happy to do whatever I would like best. But she’s preggers so I’m trying to keep it simple and cheap. When I was her Maid/Matron of Honor I did the same thing and she requested a couples shower that was basically a backyard BBQ with a stock the bar theme.
I hate opening presents in front of people. Especially if I didn’t get them anything. It just feels incredibly awkward to me. And incredibly dull as a guest. And we don’t really need a lot of stuff as I inherited my mom’s entire house full of stuff when she passed a couple years ago and my fiance and I have been living together for over 2 years.
So I’ve been debating between not having a shower, doing a couples game night or going the traditional route. What are your thoughts about the pros and cons of each?
If I ask for no a shower is there anything other than the presents that I will really miss out on?
If I ask for a game night couples shower should I do it without presents or maybe with game themed presents? And I’ll admit I do get kind of excited thinking about getting a bunch of games. Do I have to sit and open everything while everybody watches me like a hawk? Or can we just play games and socialize all night and then I’ll write really nice thank you cards?
What are the benefits of a traditional shower, besides the presents? Did you think you got great bonding time or something like that at your shower? Do I have to get presents at a traditional shower? Could I do the shower without opening all the gifts in front of everyone? But writing really nice thank you notes? I’m guessing this is going to be a “hells no” but I figured I’d ask.
Post # 3
I guess it depends on what you want to “purpose” of the shower to be. For mine, it is pretty traditional (a proper English tea) but the purpose for me is to get all the girls together, some who don’t know each other well, and have them get to know each other before the wedding.
I love the idea of a couples game night with everyone bringing their favorite game. You can spend the night chatting or playing the games – I’d even ask for the guests to not wrap them so you can get straight to the playing (and you dont’ have to open a lot of stuff).
Post # 4
I had a couple’s shower and it was so much fun. We just BBQed and watched football, and I felt so comfortable. I did open presents, even though I’m like you and it was a bit awkward. The theme was stock the bar so it wasn’t as formal as a traditional shower. People bought us beer, liquor, and alcohol related accessories.
ETA: Purposes of the showers, in my opinion, are to celebrate the upcoming marriage, and bring together two sets of friends/family. It was great to see my family interact with FI’s, and my friends from college interact with friends from my life post-college. It’s not really about the gifts to me… though I can’t lie and say they’re not nice 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@JenGirl: she requested a couples shower that was basically a backyard BBQ with a stock the bar theme.
Oh man, that is a great idea! I hadn’t thought I’d have a shower, for all the reasons you mentioned above… but hmm…
I also like @Glasgowbound: ‘s idea of board games. Maybe a “drinks or games” theme?
My problem with showers is that it seems a little gift-grabby (to me) – I’ve enjoyed going to a couple other people’s and didn’t have the perception. But I don’t know about having one myself. This is the least helpful response ever – just wanted to say that I hear ya! : )
Post # 6
The only thing you miss out on at a shower is the ladies of the two families getting together. You could easily achieve this without a bridal shower though. Honestly, gifts at a bridal shower really aren’t that important, and you will get plenty for the wedding. I would do a bbq or game night with no gifts. Just a fun night!
Post # 7
I guess for me the purpose of the shower definitely isnt the gifts. Its to get some of the close women to me together to chat and converse with them because I may not get any intimate time with them on wedding day. For us this is the same reason to have a rehearsal dinner with wedding party and immediate family. I do know these events are traditional parts of the wedding but not everyone has them or agrees on the point of the events
Post # 8
@JenGirl: If you would like to do a no gift shower, then do that… but do not use the word shower anywhere! The very meaning of ‘shower’ in that context is shower with gifts.
I would call it a ‘Pre Wedding Celebration’ or something where etiquette does not call for gifts.
If you do any type of shower with gifts, I think it is important to open the presents in front of people so that you can publicly and personally acknowledge them. It’s a little strange not having a gift opening section at a shower. You could make a game out of it though… there’s something called Shower Bingo you can lookup so everyone can have fun.
Post # 9
It’s great that your friend will be throwing you a shower and that you basically will have input on everything. That makes it a whole lot easier because you get to have it exactly how you want! Every shower is different, some people will tell you to follow a set of rules for etiquette while others will tell you completely different “rules.” It sounds like you want to have a causual get together with close friends for a game night. Awesome idea!
For gifts, I’ve heard of people just saying to bring unwrapped gifts so everything will be on display, you can thank them right when they come, and you don’t have to worry about boring everyone and feeling awkward opening all the gifts. Everybody will get to see everything you got too. I don’t see anything wrong with asking for monetary gifts only, just have cute poem on the invite. You can find several just doing a search online. Or you can choose to do no gifts, but I wouldn’t call it a shower then. I would say maybe engagement party or prewedding celebration. You might still get gifts anyway which is great, but you won’t have to open them in front of everyone. Just make sure to give a thank you note to all who gave you something.
Post # 10
Thanks ladies – I love the idea of people bringing upwrapped gifts and I’d never thought about that! Especially since I’m leaning toward a game night party! We could just play the games that people bring. That is sounding like a better and better idea. That way people also may feel less pressured to bring a gift if they don’t want to! Can you register for games? I don’t think they have games at plalces like Sears but I guess I could do it through an Amazon registry.