(Closed) Reasons my Bridesmaids can't make it to my Bachelorette Party

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChampagneBlushWedding:  Hi there, sorry you feel you are not a priority, I do know how that feels, my own sisters caused me nothing but problems in the build up to my wedding, they blackmailed me several times about changing me wedding date even though they had no intention of coming, were completely cold and non excited about me getting married which hurt so bad. They had no interest whatsoever, never mentioned the wedding (only to say something negative) so in the end my husband and I felt we had no choice but to elope. Despite having a nice day, I feel cheated because of this, my sisters saw to it that I would not shine on my own wedding day! Now we’re married, and it’s barely even been acknowledged by them. I didn’t even have a bachelorette party. They’re like that in all areas but anyway, on to your situation…

Some of thir reasons are genuine, however the one that most annoys me is your friend who claims she can’t afford to come for your special party yet manages to go snowboarding and other expensive trips! This would totally upset me, because she’s known for ages what date your party would be so she should have budgeted. How close are you to this girl usually?

The who can’t take unpaid days off work, well again she knew in advance so why not book it as vacation time long ago? 

Once again, sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope that your party still goes ahead and that you do manage to make the best of it.

Post # 33
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmm.. 2 of my 7 BMs can’t come, but these plans were almost made really last-minute!  One is a nurse who has crazy erratic hours and the other one absolutely cannot take vacation days during that month and she’s also from across the country.

There’s really no excuse for people not to come when plans have been set for a year! ๐Ÿ™  Okay fine.. maybe financial reasons?

Post # 35
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

aww, i’m sorry. i would be hurt as well.  this is one of the reasons why i’m planning something really small for my bachelorette party…

i was in a wedding and she planned a whole trip and also was hurt when people couldn’t make it, but i kind of understood why people couldn’t go. she had us all take friday off, which wasn’t an option for me because i had just started grad school.  i missed half a day (and got in trouble for it), and she never even acknowledged that it was inconvenient. same for her bridal party lunch. i understand that these things only happen “once” so the bride feels like she can ask for a lot, but it sucks to be in that position.

Post # 36
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChampagneBlushWedding: Oh that’s a shame, I am surprised that she is one of your besties after you said this. Did she have plenty of opportunities to get sized for her dress? Sorry she has let you down.

Post # 37
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Awww that sucks ๐Ÿ™ some of my bridesmaids arent coming to my bachelorette.  One of them lives in england so she is just flying out for the wedding.  

Post # 39
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That stinks… This is why I probably wont have one either.  I know how difficult it was for me to attend (or not attend) friends’ bachlorette parties… so I think I will just skip it and have a personal shower instead!

Post # 40
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChampagneBlushWedding:  Seriously, that’s pretty bad and really inconsiderate. Do you think she’s jealous that you’re getting married, or could she be worried that after you’re married the friendship will change?

Post # 41
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think maybe I’m the oddball here, but I undersand the OPs hurt. I think I would feel the same way. I consider myself a good friend and usually go out of my way to support my friends. I would feel hurt, and have felt hurt, when my friend doesn’t do the same for me. It’s unfortunate, but as I’ve been told many times, EVERYONE DOESN’T THINK LIKE I DO. So what I did was reevaluate those friendships. Those that didn’t give back as good as they got, are no longer friends.

As stated by some PP, some of the reasons are legitimate, espeically if it involves flying in to the party. But anyone local, I feel, should make a way to be a part, especially since it’s your ONLY pre wedding event.

Maybe this demonstrates that it may be better to include only local friends in your Bridal Party if things like this are important to you.

OP, curious, why did you pay for your BM’s dresses? Why aren’t you having a shower? Sorry you are feeling so sad, but try to focus on the fact that you’re going to marry the man that you love and the way that HE treats you is what’s most important. Good luck.

 

Post # 42
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

2-4 of my 8 can’t come for various reasons (some are still trying to make it work, but I told them not to worry too much about it). A couple friends who aren’t bridesmaids are also coming though, so it will still be what I consider to be a large group.

Post # 43
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ChampagneBlushWedding:  I like KateByDesign’s idea.  Maybe you should drive to Vegas or Palm Springs or maybe even Big Bear for a weekend!  You have less limits on what you can afford and make it truly special with some spa stuff and then bar hopping or whatever it is you like to do.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 44
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ChampagneBlushWedding:  i haven’t had mine yet, but I did plan one for my Maid/Matron of Honor a few years back.  The rest of her bridesmaids were HORRIBLE.  They didn’t want to spend ANY money.  And they didn’t want to do ANYTHING she wanted to do (and wouldn’t just suck it up and do it anyway!).  I wound up paying for most of it myself, because I had known her for like 17 years at that point and wasn’t going to let her party suck cause of these girls.

I don’t understand why people agree to be in a wedding if they’re not going to participate, especially in the fun stuff like the parties!

So sorry you’re going through this – I don’t really have any advice, other than to send you my sympathy and tell you that you’re not the only one this has happened to…

Post # 45
Member
6392 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry, OP, that does suck. I agree that you totally shouldn’t cancel it, though! Most of my best friend’s BMs bailed and we ended up having a blast! Sometimes smaller really is better! There’s less pressure to make sure everyone’s having fun and knows everyone else. It’s just you and your friend having fun. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 46
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

To be honest, I think you’d have a lot more success getting your bridesmaids to celebrate with you if you didn’t demand a whole weekend out of them. I know it hurts that you don’t feel like they’ve made you a priority, but honestly, a whole weekend is a lot of time/money to ask of them. They’re already spending a lot of time/money to be there for your on your actual wedding day/weekend. I just don’t think you can expect your bachelorette party to be much of a priority for them, even if it is to you.

What if you changed the plans to just Saturday afternoon and evening? Or Friday night? You might have more success in getting your girls to celebrate with you if it were less expensive and time-consuming. Either way, I hope you have a wonderful time and that it all works out for you. Good luck!

 

The topic ‘Reasons my Bridesmaids can't make it to my Bachelorette Party’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors