(Closed) Reasons people give to convince you to have babies

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s a catch-22! There are just as many people with other reasons NOT to have kids! 

My brother in law keeps telling me we need to have a baby so he can “be an uncle and corrupt him!” As if that’s going to convince me?!?!

And then there’s my husband’s aunt… we told her we planned to wait another 3 years or so, and she responded “I’ll give you two years.” Oh, okay then. Two years it is I guess. Haha!

Oh, and all my med school friends are a fan of “having kids before 30 decreases your breast cancer risk!” I guess that’s at least fairly legitimate, but if I made all my life decisions based on completely minimizing cancer risk, I’d be a person who never sees the sun, or TVs, or cell phones. 

Post # 5
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

There’s the “don’t you want to see how cute they will be?!”

Post # 6
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Wow I seriously can’t believe some of the reasons you have gotten! 1,3,and 6 would be really insulting for those who are CBC. Anyways, I get a TON of pressure and even though me and Darling Husband are trying right now I still get annoyed with peoples reasoning.It just really annoys me when people  make it seem like life without kids is so meaningless and dull. I am actually LOVING life with just me, my husband and dog. And although we are ready for kids and will be super excited when it happens there are a lot of things that come with parenthood that I am not neccessarily looking forward to also ha.

Post # 7
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

The worst I’ve heard is that if we don’t have kids, nobody will look after us when we’re older.

Never mind the fact that many children DON’T look after their parents, or that with the amount you’d save by not having children you could afford to pay someone to help you, or live in a nursing home. Never mind that there are alternatives- you NEED to have babies, or you will get old and starve because nobody cares about you.

Don’t look at the responsibilities. Don’t look at the realistic side of parenting. Push those suckers out!

This came from FI’s best friend. My best friend (his gf) is also a bit pushy about the ‘you MUST have children!’ thing, she’s just more reasonable.

Post # 8
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I get this one almost every day:

“Your son needs a baby brother or sister to play with”

I also get the:

“Your child is going to grow up a spoiled only child if you don’t soon have a baby”

and

“Your son wants you to have a baby!”

The most hurtful one has been:

“Don’t you want a baby now that actually has a mother and father together”…  

like somehow my husband isn’t like a father to my son? and sorry my sons father and I couldn’t make it work… jeez =(

Post # 9
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@HappilyEverAfter54:  

Oh wow! What assholes 🙁

The whole ‘you need multiple children so your child isn’t spoiled’ thing is stupid. Oh, so it doesn’t matter how they’re raised, as long as they have siblings they’ll be good people? Gah.

Btw, I grew up in a single parent home and it didn’t hurt me at all. I believe studies have shown that it is worse for the child to see their parents in an unhappy marriage than it is to have seperated or divorced parents. Besides, your Darling Husband is a father figure for your son, i’m sure they have a good relationship, don’t let anyone make you feel bad.

Post # 10
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

All those reasons are complete BS. Good on you for standing up to them.

Post # 11
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

We’re only 25 and 24, and we get hounded by people. People are starting to realize we won’t be changing our minds (we aren’t having any kids), so the badgering has diminished, but here’s some of the crap we’ve heard.

  • Why even bother getting married if you’re not having kids?
  • You’ll change your minds.
  • You never know! Sometimes you just get pregnant!
  • Kids are amazing.
  • You’ll regret it if you don’t have kids.
  • I used to think I didn’t want kids but now I am so glad I had them!
  • So, you want a dog but not a kid! That doesn’t make any sense.
  • Who will take care of you when you’re old?
  • You’ll be so bored.
  • You should have at least one.
  • It’s really not that bad.

And all kinds of stupid crap. My favorite is the idea that having a dog is comparable to having a kid. That is pure nonsense.

Post # 12
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve gotten the question a handful of times- I find it really obtrusive, like it’s not really anyone’s business but ours! I tell them honestly, “I’ve never felt any kind of maternal instinct, I’m not opposed to the idea of children, but in no way am I pressured to have them. If it happens, it happens, if not, I’m more than fine with that too”. Sure it’s a snotty answer, but I like said, not really anyone’s business, so it usually shuts them right up!

Post # 13
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@HappilyEverAfter54:  That is THE most horrible thing I have ever heard! Do people even hear themselves speak?! I’m a pretty huge proponent of siblings (I work in childcare, and kids with siblings are generally WAY ahead of the curve in just about everything), but I would never, EVER think of saying that horrible to ANYONE!

Post # 14
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

Number four….my mom tells me that all the time, I’m 27. I recenlty got married but i have been with my husband for 7years going on 8 in April.

Post # 15
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“I want to be a hip and trendy grandma. I can’t stay hip and trendy for too much longer, I’m getting on!” – Mum

Post # 16
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ugh, I’ve heard some of these as well. We are CBC, and the worst I’ve heard is the implication that we are selfish for not having children.

We both have siblings that are CBC as well, and some people seem to think we are depriving our parents by not “giving” them grandchildren. I should point out that these are people other than our parents, by the way. For the most part, our parents have accepted that they may never have grandchildren, except for my Father-In-Law who really, really wants us to change our minds (mainly because he is very competitive with his brothers and his nieces already have kids). It’s like…hello? We’re the ones who would raise them, not our parents. We have no obligation to anyone to have kids. 

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