(Closed) Reasons people give to convince you to have babies

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Good lord am I happy to see this board on here!!! Thank YOU! VENT TIME:

1) They help to strengthen your relationship. (There is a lot of research-based evidence that this is totally untrue) – when they doubt me I tell them to read, “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce” – that usually stops them!

2) Your getting old. —- ya I will be 33 pretty soon – he is 34. We don’t have walkers and canes yet. So, I tell them, “I just had an internal ultrasound done vaginally – it is one of the coolest exams I have ever had done, you can even hear the blood flow to each ovary & fallopian tubes, Dr. said mine are working GREAT!” — that will usually stop them, story is also true.

3) Don’t you want to fit in with your friends, your brothers, your sisters? — ummm… no thanks – we like to visit, usually by the end we both have headaches, right now having a baby is looking dimmer than it did before we made those visits. Thanks for the re-enforcement to remind us again why we SO want to have children.

4) What about when you get old? — well you already told me I was old, so now I am confused? Oh – when I really need a cane. Umm… well I know a lot of adult “children” who DID NOT take care of their parents. There really is no guarentee that your children will take care of their aging parent. That’s why you have a serious nest egg = in case you need to hire the help required.

5) Children give you so much love. – Ya I am sure they do. But really its a thankless job being a mother/father. Its so much work – its so hard. The children rarely say thank you. In fact, I don’t think I have thanked my parents – so maybe I should do that. They provided me life, but very little sanity, that I did all by myself. Yes I am from a divorced family. That is not the reason why I don’t want children right now, my parents divorce has nothing to do with that.

6) You’d be such a great mom.  — This one gets me. Ya to my cats and my dog. A child is another story. I don’t know. I am sure I would try my best but —- being a parent is so hard.

My only question really is: WHY DO PARENTS SUGAR COAT THE JOB OF PARENTING?

— like the original post said, “Kodak moments” – I suppose the ONLY reason is so that your as miserable as they are.

I got a lot of traveling to do, 3 nephews/neice to spoil, and then I go home with a headache, but eventually that too fades and I hug and cuddle with my man, my kitties, and my dog – I am happy. Because you know what? As soon as I have 1 baby – I will be bothered about this: Don’t you want another one? They are going to grow up an only child? (Gasp!)

END OF MY RANT – Thank you. To any of you who have an answer to the question under #6 – please help explain.

Post # 48
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@newbabybee:   WHY DO PARENTS SUGAR COAT THE JOB OF PARENTING?

Because babies/kids are cute and fun, if you can hand them back to their parents when they start to stink/cry/get fussy.

I’ve been basically told this, verbatim, by ILs.  Make babies so I can play with them and hand them back to you when actual parenting needs to happen.

I’m in the same boat as you.  It sounds like a fun idea for awhile, then I spend a day (like today) with DH’s cousins and their babies/toddlers.  Several hours of diaper stink, screaming, and other nastiness, and I have a horrible headache and NO desire to have my own for awhile.  It must be different when they’re your’s, I guess, because I can’t spend a day with little kids even AROUND me, not even looking after them, before I’m totally sick of them.

Post # 49
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@UsagiTsukino:  In the same boat. I love when the children are older – when they can have a conversation, tell you what they do all day, and have manners – control of themselves and can speak for themselves. That is when kids are interesting. Babies on the other hand terrify me right now. I can’t stand when they cry – because I am not the mom and don’t know what they need. I don’t know their “cries” basically. Different cries for different things… moms seem to know these things really well. I have always wanted a baby (just 1) – just not right now, and I am 32. When I was 28 – I said, “Ah by 30.” By 30 I said, “Ah by 32.” Now I am 32 – and I am like, “Maybe not at all? I don’t know?” Mostly I was trying to be funny with my responses above – but they are pretty true – and after a day with little ones that is how I really feel.

Post # 50
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

SIL is due with her first in May. She has told us that we should get pregnant so her baby will have a cousin close in age. We won’t be TTC for 2-3 years. I don’t think she was serious. I just laughed and said that if we had a baby right now it would have to sleep in our walk-in closet because we live in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment.

Post # 51
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“I’m SURE you’ll have them soon” – well how do you know?

“What if accidents happen?” – pretty sure they won’t, based on my and DH’s current circumstances.

“They’re so cute! Yours would be even cuter because they’d be mixed!” – and how is this a good reason to have them?

“Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” – um, myself? DH? how dare you think we can’t take care of ourselves!

“It’s different when it’s your own.” – what if it isn’t? what if I dislike my own kids all the same?

It’s freaking annoying.

Post # 52
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My grandmother comes up with many gems having to do with having children. To be fair, she is 95 years old and so was raised with quite different values than we hold now. But they’re hilarious anyway.

 

My favorite:

 

“If you don’t have kids, what will you do all day?”

 

Uh, I don’t know… work?

 

(With that said, I DO plan on having children… but seriously. I can figure out how to occupy my time without them.)

Post # 53
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The whole ‘ its different when their your own’ and ‘everyone else has them so you should too ‘ are the reasons my stepsister had a baby who is 3.5 yrs now. AND she regrets having a child most days says all the time “why did noone tell me that it’s so hard and never stops” she also says “everyone knew I didn’t like kids before I had mine why didn’t you tell me it wouldn’t change”. Which we all warned her but she was so desperate to have a baby and we figured it was her choice.

Myself and Fiance will both be 26 when we get married this July, and I used to think I wanted children about this age, but I have noticed as I get older I want them less and less! I have even started saying one and done now and no more. Also the age i want to TTC keeps getting pushed back and back im saying 32 atm, If not seriously starting to consider CBC I just can’t picture having them in my life. I love money, traveling, going out all the time, eating out for dinner weekly, being spontaneous, having no set routine, alone time, love the quiet and hate noise, love setting up my house and keeping it tidy and clean also its totally not baby friendly, I visit friends who have kids not them visit me and I’m always so glad to leave. Fiance isn’t really into the idea of having kids anyway, but still undecided we are just trying to live our lives in the present and only planning a little ahead like with my education and our career, the wedding, house renovation plans, next few travel locations

Post # 54
Member
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

The only one of those I find valid is the time argument. Once you are 35 things really do get a lot harder and risks rise quickly.

I had to face this recently in choosing birth control following the deliveyr of our first child in January. I chose an IUD, but if I keep it all 5 years, I’ll be 34 when it comes out and that’s very close to the danger zone. If we decide we really do want a second child, I will not wait until 34 to have it removed. I’d rather not run the risk.

I say take your time if you aren’t sure you want kids, but if you know you definitely do, you may not want to wait too much longer.

Post # 55
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m 28, Fiance is 30.  We’ve been together for 13 years and are FINALLY getting married in June. Neither of us want kids and have known this for a long while now.  I finally decided to take action and have my tubes tied this January!  It was the best thing I’ve ever done.  I feel so free now.  

People always tell me how I should have kids and pretty much say verbatim what’s been discussed above.  Is there some play book on how to guilt other people into having kids?  I don’t mention having a tubal until someone really pushes the issue.  The bottom line is that babies aren’t right for everyone, and people need to respect that!

Post # 56
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrs.stormylove:  What does CBC stand for?  I can’t figure it out!

EDIT: Nevermind, figured it out, duh

Post # 57
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ssmith17:  Childfree By Choice, I think.

Post # 58
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

1.) Society expects it of you (for x reason like God, genes, nature blah blah blah)

2.) You will dia a lonely old crone if you don’t

3.) If you don’t clean poop/handle tantrums of your own kids, they won’t be there to do the same when you are old and in diapers.

 

As if these reasons are supposed to temper my fear/anxiety about not wanting kids. Yeah…

Post # 59
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@distracts:  

I laughed so hard because this is exactly what my Fiance is like.

6 weeks ago…

him: lets start trying for a baby now…

me: umm, no thanks I don’t plan on having morning sickness throughout my honeymoon…… 

Post # 60
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“[My nephew] needs cousins.”

They mean well, so I don’t get upset, but it is a funny reason.  We’ll have kids, just not yet.

My SIL told people once, “How are you so sure I can even HAVE kids?” and that shut them up.  (She does have endometriosis, but it’s something that can be accurately said by someone with no medical issues as well.)

Post # 61
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re in our mid-twenties and in no particular rush to have kids. My future Mother-In-Law, however,  has serious grandbaby fever. Her favourite argument is thus:

 

“I can babysit! You’ll save so much money in daycare fees!”

 

The logic is just irrefutable there, isn’t it Bees?

 

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