I’ve never wanted children. It’s just never been something I’ve ever envisioned for myself and that mindset never changed, no matter how many “older” and “wiser” people told me it would. I enjoy being selfish, I enjoy sleeping in and having my SO to myself. We enjoy being able to plan a quickie vacation and run off without having to plan for babysitters – or even dogsitters!
Now for the practical side.
My SO and I have been together a year and a half and at 27 and almost 29 we’re in the process of paying for his truck and gathering enough money to move out of my small “bachelorette pad” as he calls it, and into a home for the two of us. That doesn’t leave much money behind to take care of children on our wages. By the time the aforementioned dreams see the light of day and we’re getting settled into paying for a mortgage, we’ll be, hopefully, in our early-mid thirties.
Now many people have children during that time and after that, and that’s fine, but I lost my mother, who had me at 32, when I was 24 to illness. All I can think of is how much worse it would’ve been to lose her earlier than that. To not have had the friendship we eased into when I became an adult; to miss the candid talks we had about any and everything. To be stuck as a powerless minor in a home with no one but an alcoholic father to take care of me. To be in high school without my mom to give me advice, to be there in that way that only a mother can be for a teenage girl. She helped me thru so many momentous adult firsts, such as getting my first job and buying my first car, that, looking back, I don’t know how I would’ve done any of that without her!!
I would never, ever want to do that to a child. It’s tough to lose a parent at any age but it’s even harder when you’re younger and you’ve got so much more to learn from them. So much more they could teach you. All I can think about when I think about having children later in life is the increased possibility that I wouldn’t be around, or my SO wouldn’t be around, to be there for them and that they could possibly end up in the social services system.
Speaking of, that leads me to my next point. I, personally, wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing a child into this world knowing how many children are starving, being mistreated or are forever stuck in the revolving door of the social services system. If we had decided to have children, we talked heavily about adoption and fostering. That’s not for everyone, and I understand, but I would feel guilty if I willingly brought another life into the world knowing there were lives already here in desperate need of love.
It’s a personal decision and I know that my SO and I are making the right one for us but it’s all about the individual. If you and your SO talk it over and decide to have kids, great! But if you don’t, don’t ever let other people shame you into thinking you’re wrong or that there’s something wrong with you!