Reasons that you didn't want any kids?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
10857 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

catskillsinjune :  

Actually, I know several people who say if they had it to do over, they would not have had children.  They love their kids to the moon and back, but it’s not an experience they would repeat.

What they all seem to have in common is not liking other people’s kids.

Post # 32
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

oneinamillion :  I can probably write 20 reasons why I could remain child free for life… but there are 3  reasons why will not.

1. I cant imagine not having a kid because i wanted one for so many years and had major baby fever a couple years back and I feel like if I dont I will really regret it, even though I dont have major baby fever right now.

2. My Darling Husband really wants a kids, and we had agreed to 2 before we got marriend but in the last year we decided to have only 1 due to finances, age, and cause I dont think I can handle more than 1, mentally or physically.

3. I love my Darling Husband more than anything and want a continuation of him and our love to leave in the world. If that makes sense. I know he will be a really good dad and I want to give him that. Just hoping I wont be too shitty of a mom.

 

Post # 33
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Climate change

Post # 34
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Forest Grove, OR

My perspective may be a little different, as I have two kids and a stepson. 

I love our kids, but it has been HARD WORK. I was an idiot teenager who got pregnant at 17 (sorry if my verbiage offends anyone, but it’s my life and that’s how I feel about it). I never gave myself a chance to think about having kids. I also have never had a maternal bone in my body. Both of my children were surprises (as surprised as you can be when using the pull out method). I was married when I had my son, but got my tubes tied immediately. I knew I had made the choice to be unprotected so I had to step up and be responsible. I’m 33 now and finally in the financial state I want to be in. Had I never had kids, I would have been here much sooner. I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I wish I had given myself the time to have a life and think about what I wanted. Not being very maternal has meant I have to really work at it. I see it come so naturally to other women and it makes me feel like shit. My daughter is 15 and hates kids. We have had many candid talks about not having sex and not having children because she has expressed how she feels about them. I never want grandchildren and I don’t even really get excited when my friends have babies. I’m happy for them, but more than thrilled that my own children are at more self sufficient ages. My fiancé feels the exact same way. He got a vasectomy after his first born. 

Post # 35
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I feel like being a parent is something you need to be 150% on board & I haven’t felt that way. I’m nearing 30 & just don’t have that burning desire to be a mother. I love my life as-is & don’t feel anything is missing.

We have a dog that I love to the moon & back. But even he is a lot of responsibility sometimes. Also, what happens if we have a kid & the child is allergic to the dog or something? I can’t rehome the kid which leaves only one other option: rehoming the dog. I absolutely cannot fathom ..like my heart is hurting just thinking about that. 😢

Post # 36
Member
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have kids but my best friend is child free. She always says that she knows her limitations: and that is a cat and a house plant. We turned 41 this year- so I’m pretty sure she will remain child free.

Post # 37
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I am spending all my money on my fur children. My dream is to open a German Shepherd sanctuary when I retire (love the breed!). Taking care of my fur babies takes up too much time of my life as it is. I would have to sacrifice one to give 100% to the other.

Post # 38
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My fiance and I want to spend our lives making art and traveling and kids don’t fit into that lifestyle. We like being able to decide that we’re going to go on a trip 24 hours in advance and leave without having to worry about other people. We do like kids and have many nieces, but neither of us feel the need to have our own. I’d rather be the cool aunt. 

We also have several serious health issues between us that we don’t want to pass along to anyone else. We’ve discussed it and if, ten years down the road, we do want a family, we’d rather adopt or foster teenagers. 

Post # 39
Member
914 posts
Busy bee

Here’s something you may not ever hear from someone who HAS a child…I wish I didn’t. 

I love him more than life and would stand in front of a speeding train to save him. 

But I had no idea how HARD it is. Of course, you worry when they are small…but it’s nothing compared to the terror when they are teens. The stakes are much higher. 

I am fully admitting that I was not meant to be a parent. If you are questioning, maybe you aren’t either. 

Post # 40
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Everything already listed pretty much covers our decision not to have kids. We’ve been together since we were 21 (11+ years), and haven’t wavered on that decision at all.

Post # 41
Member
10857 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

twiggybird :  

We are German Shepherd people, 200%.  Your sanctuary is very much needed.  I salute you.

Post # 42
Member
816 posts
Busy bee

j_jaye :  I’ve seen the question how did you decide you were ready for kids posted many times on these boards so it is often asked of people who have children why they wanted to do so. At least on wedding bee. If you feel your reproductive choices are no one business I’m not sure why you felt the need to comment on this thread at all. 

Post # 43
Member
3536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sassy411 :  exactly. i have friends who love their kid(s), but are also very open about the (negative) life-changing impact having them had on their lives that they didn’t fully appreciate or anticipate. i’ve also come to notice that the only friends/people who ever feel the need to ask me why i don’t want children are those who haven’t had any (but plan to). the second a friend actually *has* a baby, they stop questioning my choice (even if they wouldn’t change their decision – they suddenly have a much greater apprecciation for the value of a childfree life)

Post # 44
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

oneinamillion :  I have a child but any chance I get I bust this out:

 

Post # 45
Member
3536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sassy411 :  GSDs!!! <3 <3 <3 Just lost mine a bit over a year ago to DM. she was 1000% my baby (and those who have had GSDs will know that they can be as much of a handful as having a toddler). Darling Husband and I want to rescue a puppy, but we just got news that our cat has cancer, so she’s secured her only-child existence for the rest of her life.

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