Reasons that you didn't want any kids?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
10667 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

catskillsinjune :  

Oh, I am so sorry about your loss of your GSD baby. I hate DM.  There is nothing in this world like the love of a good Shepherd.

Post # 47
Member
48 posts
Newbee

For me, the only time I thought about having children was when someone asked me directly. That level of disinterest signaled to me that it wouldn’t be a welcome or wanted experience. This includes thoughts of adoption. 

On a practical note I have Ehlers-Danlos (connective tissue disorder) and was advised not to get an IUD. If an IUD can cause damage, I never want to know what pregnancy can do. 

Good luck with your decision OP. Whatever you and your partner decide, I wish you happiness. 

Post # 48
Member
4559 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

camenae :  Not sure if I am meant to laugh or be utterly offended that people think the decision to be childfree is based solely on $. (ie, childfree people are self serving, money grabbing assholes).

Hmmmmm.

Post # 49
Member
3560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sassy411 :  thanks, she was the best. Didn’t mean to turn that into a sob story – i really just wanted to share my love for them ❤️

Post # 50
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee

Lol so much hate / aggression but I’m not that surprised, seems common on these boards. 

Anyway I’m only sharing as someone who was undecided and still feel kind of ambivalent about the whole having kids experience, for a different perspective / thought process. Not trying to convince anyone having a kid is awesome because I don’t know. In fact all I ever hear and read about is what a chore it is, how hard it is and how life has changed after having kids.

If you don’t want kids, don’t have one, it doesn’t really matter what other people tell you is awesome about having kids. But if you are undecided, just make sure whatever you decide on you wouldn’t regret at a later date. That’s really one of the main reasons I’ve decided to have one. Cos I think I might regret not having one later on, even though I don’t know that will be the case and the no kids life is pretty awesome at the moment. Like, if I’m not approaching 35, I would wait st least a few more years before deciding.

I know many friends who are married and choose to have no kids or don’t want to even get married/ have relationships (just enjoying single life), they don’t regret their decisions from what I know of, just enjoying life as they are. 

 

Post # 52
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

We love our life too much. We enjoy taking 3-4 vacations a year, sleeping in on weekends, spending money on what we want. We are at an age in our life (38, 41) where we finally are financially stable and comfortable and really want to enjoy it on ourselves and each other. I also like a clean and tidy home and prefer cats to children. 

Post # 53
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Olivepepper :  I’m not the artist but I’m pretty sure it’s just a tongue in cheek way of expressing that children cost lot, which is true. Don’t think the comic was meant to be a comprehensive treatise on why people don’t have kids lol. 

Post # 54
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Because there is no exit strategy!! Literally nothing else I’ve ever done or will ever do is irrevocable like that. You can always get divorced, break your lease and move, quit your job, basically change anything to improve your life – except your kid. 

I’m plenty daring, but for me that always means going into things understanding the possible worst-case scenario. For motherhood, the worst-case scenario means wrecking my life and probably others’ too (kid, husband). Even if the odds are quite high that I’d absolutely love being a mom, the worst-case scenario is worse than anything else I can think of. I’m just not risk-tolerant enough for that, I don’t think. 

Post # 56
Member
2659 posts
Sugar bee

I 100% wanted kids and was with a man for 7.5 years.  He knew I wanted kids and he proposed knowing that he didn’t.  We ended up divorced because I felt that he lied about his intentions.  

In the end, we divorced for a miriad of other reasons, but that was the proverbial straw.

After the divorce, I did question whether I actually wanted kids or if I just wasn’t fulfilled in that relationship and needed something to give me a purpose….

And the about 2 years post divorce, I met the most wonderful man and we immediately connected, but he already had two older kids (they are now 23 and 24) and didn’t want anymore.  I made the choice to stay with him and realized that maybe I wasn’t meant to have my own kids and being a stepmom was exactly what I needed.  I get the family and my life as I know it, remains the same.

Post # 57
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We never really had the time or energy. We helped raise my husband’s stepdaughters. We also took care of my husband’s parents before they died. I then went back to school and changed to a new career. I am not quite sure how I’d manage to have kids because I have a hard enough time keeping up with everything as it is. 

Sometimes I kind of wish I had my own kids but now I’m in my late 40’s, so I’m not trying now! 

Post # 58
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am pregnant. Don’t worry, I am not going to tell you about the reasons for this, I am going to answer your question. While in a lot of ways I am looking forward to a new adventure and I really want my partner to have the experience of being a Dad, there are SO many reasons a feel/felt trepidation:

1. My husband and I love each other, love our relationship and love our life. This includes beinf financially stable, loving spending time together, travel, going out with friends, playing in a band. Why change this?

2. I have often wondered if I am too selfish to enjoy looking after someone else all the time.

3. Financial costs step up, while income steps down.

4. I am quite introverted and lack of alone time is scary thing for me. I also have no interest in interacting with other parents because I have to.

5. I am scared about the changes that will happen in regards to both my body and my mind.

6. The risk factor, as there is no turning back. Fearing how my kid might turn out.

I hope that whatever you choose, it will make you happy. 🙂

Post # 59
Member
4559 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Deleted .. NWWAP. 

 

Post # 60
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

oneinamillion :  don’t really have a set reason. I’m not against it in anyway, it’s just never Appealed to me or been something I put any thought into. I like my life the way it is and have never felt the urge to change it. 

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