Post # 16
I wouldn’t be partying it up at a Sunday evening wedding. And if people have to fly in AND take a day off you’re probably looking at a higher decline rate. As a local I would attend, but I would leave early.
I think your Fiance is being a bit unreasonable with his expectations and will end up disappointed tbh.
Post # 17
mintjulep20 : I think your Father-in-law is being ridiculous given that a wedding is more important than a high school reunion, but did you think about Friday? I know you said your fiance is in school but if you could do the friday before spring break I think it would be more enjoyable for your guests. I just went to a sunday wedding and it started at 5pm and it was a long drive to and from and I just couldn’t enjoy myself that much because I knew I had work the next day.
If you do choose Sunday I suggest having it in the afternoon so people can stay for your whole wedding and not rush out after dinner to get home for work the next day.
Post # 18
If you and Fiance aren’t into the brunch vibe then waiting until Summer 2019 would probably be your best bet, I’m 1 year into a just over 2 year engagement and trust me it’ll fly by sooo fast you’ll be glad to have extra time to plan!!
Post # 19
We are doing a Sunday Brunch wedding in November.
It is a modest wedding of 60 people. We are paying for everything ourselves and are on a budget. We ended up buying out a bottomless mimosa brunch spot for the reception and they are allowing us to use the same space for the ceremony at no extra charge. It was insanely reasonible (at least as far as San Francisco goes)
Post # 20
So given the information that most people would be flying in, I think a Sunday evening wedding would be fine. If it were me I would expect to take a day off for a wedding that requires coast-to-coast air travel. I would take off Monday instead of Friday and party it up on Sunday night.
I think Sunday night weddings don’t work well when the majority of the guests live close by and have work the next day.
Post # 21
I agree with bostonbee2018. If you have to take a day off work and fly to attend a wedding, Sunday is probably better not much different than Friday.
For a Sunday wedding, I could fly in on Friday night or Saturday, go to the wedding on Sunday, then fly home Monday. Just one day off work.
Only about half our guest list is local, so hopefully that will help. We’re also not striving for a huge “party hard all night” sort of atmosphere.
Post # 22
bostonbee2018 : I came to a similar conclusion but wondered if I was just desperately grasping at straws. The entirety of the guest list is non-local — either a 4+ hour flight or a 5 hour drive!
I actually have exactly one friend who is local. but she doesn’t work Mondays anyway, haha.
Post # 23
I think Bees generally look down upon Sunday weddings, rather unfarily, I think. I’ve been to a few Sunday weddings, and I’m planning one myself (though mine if on a holiday weekend). If you can only do Sunday, then just do it. Yeah, the atmosphere might be a little less party-ish than a Saturday, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be fun! Also, it really depends on your guests and what you think they would be like, every group is different.
You do you, girl! I think an evening wedding on a Sunday would be just fine.
Post # 24
MegKate87 : I don’t think there is anything wrong with a Sunday wedding if that is what the couple wants and they are realistic about their expectations (ie, they’re not just having the Sunday wedding to save $ and then still expecting their guests to want to party til 2 am). The issue here, for me, is that they seem to only be considering a Sunday becuase the groom’s father doesn’t want to do the one Saturday that works for the couple because of a high school reunion, which just really rubs me the wrong way. It doesn’t sound to me like the choice to do it on a Sunday is what the couple actually wants – it sounds like they’re compromising in order to not rock the boat, but it seems like a pretty ridiculous compromise to have to make.
I mean, I guess some people take their high school reunions more seriously than others.. but really?
Post # 25
If you’re Fiance wants an evening/party/traditional atmosphere, I think you need to put the ball in his court. Even with most of your guests traveling, one would assume a fair chunk would come in Friday after work/working a half day etc- plan to miss no/least amount as possible. A Sunday night wedding would mean having to leave early or taking off Monday, so you have to assume the decline rate will be higher as some people have jobs that may just not allow it. Fiance needs to have a talk with his father, as it seems like this is the only reason why you can’t have the wedding you both want, and best option for your entire guest list.
To clarify- I’m am not saying you won’t have a 100% turn out with a Sunday wedding, or a Sunday wedding won’t be a massively fun late night party. I’m just hung up on your father in law as the only obstacle I a Saturday weddig
Post # 26
I’m going to defend your Future Father-In-Law – a 50th high school reunion might not be important to a lot of people, but it definitely is to others. He may have been looking forward to it for a long time. It might be the first time in a long time that he is seeing some of his old friends. If you can work around it, I would.
If his reunion is Saturday and your wedding is Sunday, it might still be a bit complicated if he and your Future Mother-In-Law are going to be traveling/tied up with that the day before your wedding.
Post # 27
That must be SO frustrating that your Future Father-In-Law is that intent on going to his high school reunion, because that date would be perfect otherwise.. Does he know the extent of your issues with picking a date? Could your Fiance have a talk with him about it?
I would make a list of your in town guests and out of town guests and figure out what will work best for the majority of your VIPs. It sounds like it would be ok for your out of town guests and student guests, so it may work better for you than most.
Post # 28
bostonbee2018 : I agree with this. I personally don’t give a damn about my reunions, but I acknowledge that they are really important to others (my godmother flies clear across the country to attend every single one of hers) and 50 years is a big deal. We’re not talking about his younger sibling missing their 5 year reunion here. My mother is closely approaching the 50 year reunion mark and it seems like at least once a month she gets a notification from her alumni association notifying them of another classmate who passed away. It is a great and rare opportunity to connect in person with the people who moved all across the world who you would otherwise may not have the opportunity to see. He isn’t a bad guy for caring about both his high school reunion and his son’s wedding. It is okay to have multiple things that are important to you.
OP, at a certain point you just need to pick something that works for your VIPs and trust it will all work out. If most people have to travel, a Sunday wedding isn’t going to be much worse than Friday or Saturday. You may get some more declines than usual, particularly for evening vs. brunch.
Post # 29
It’s hard because I see both sides. On the one hand, this massively stinks that the one Saturday that was good for us is now an obstacle. Sboom is right that we don’t really want a Sunday/Friday wedding, we are just doing this for the sole purpose of pleasing Future Father-In-Law. I guess the $$ saved is an added bonus but it’s certainly not the reason.
On the other hand, even though I personally don’t care about my reunions (I just…see my friends when I want to), I get that 50th is a big deal. Future Father-In-Law is very traditional and cares a lot about events like this.
Annabananabee is right that at some point we just need to pick and do what’s best and stop trying to please everybody. It’s hard bc we are relatively young and natural people pleasers but we can’t go completely crazy doing so!
I guess I will do some more thinking on this and maybe ask some of my VIP guests what they think.
Post # 30
mintjulep20 : so i’m going to re-iterate this. BRUNCH WEDDING. the sunday wedding i just went to that i referenced in my previous response? it was a west coast wedding, and everyone was from the east coast. NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE TO TAKE OFF ANOTHER DAY OF WORK FOR YOUR WEDDING. because of the flight and time difference, it’s basically impossible to get back to the east coast for work on monday. it really really really truly sucks. i know several people who didnt attend because of this (honestly, we wouldnt have gone but Darling Husband was the best man). if you have a sunday brunch wedding, people can still fly home late sunday and get to work on monday. it’s a WORLD of difference! a sunday evening wedding – ESPECIALLY on the West coast with people coming from the east coast – is SUPER inconsiderate.
you need to put your foot down. it sounds like everyone else is getting what they want but you. this is YOUR wedding. tell Fiance and Future Father-In-Law that there are two choices: saturday night (and Future Father-In-Law can skip the reunion) or sunday brunch. that’s it. sunday evening is out of the question. AND SHOW HIM THIS THREAD!