- 6 years ago
I’ve been posting some pretty mournful posts on here recently, largely due to my fear of communicating w/ my SO re our future…I’d already mentioned the topic a few times and was afraid he would think it’s pressure….but it was time to talk again. My SO saw that I was upset, and he asked me what was wrong. I just started crying softly and said the waiting was very hard for me. He got emotional and said he was sorry for putting me in this situation and said we would talk about it and fix it and that he wouldn’t see anything I said as pressure. He knows I’m waiting while he “makes sure.” (He’s an overanalyzer.) This has been the status quo since June. I’m mid-30s and want children, as does he.
It turns out that he’s aware of the biological clock (yay!). I also told him that I want to be married before my birthday and that I want a 5-6 month engagement. He said that was “reasonable.” I asked him where he sees us in 6 months, and he said that 6 months was too long to wait to get engaged.
We deal with distance and have usually been staying in hotels when we visit each other. He’s started staying in my guest room when he visits me, and he says that’s helping him a lot w/ moving forward. I’m going to spend some time living out of his guest room during the next few weeks, and he says he thinks that might be enough for him to move forward. If it’s not, he says he’ll tell me, and then we will have me spend more time at his place.
He also said I could ask him for reassurance whenever I want…he says that he understands that I’m a girl and that I freak out, and if I’m freaked out, I can’t even enjoy the relationship.
I really, really hope we stay with this ever so tentative timeline (if we do, I really don’t have much time, yikes)…but in the meantime, I’m going to enjoy life and apply Mr. Bees plan. I’m so grateful for this board and for the input and wisdom I’ve received from the women here. I never thought I’d be in the situation of waiting for a proposal, and I’m grateful to all of you who have left a roadmap for me!