Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Hi everyone
Long time reader first time poster. I need a bit of advice. My wedding is a few weeks away and emotions are starting to set in. Long story short, got engaged during a very stressful period in our relationship (caring and living with OH’s dying mother). My OH is a rational thinker, very logical and sees no value in rings/diamonds. Im emotive and love anything that sparkles. When we bought our ring it was on a whim and wasnt a pleasant expereince. We are both awkward people and not the types to fit into a shiny gleaming store to buy a ring. I always liked antique rings and knew the type of ring I wanted. We purchased the ring in a reputable antique store but it was the first and only one I tried on. The whole stmosphere and expereince was awkward, I think my fiance just wanted it over and I felt overwhelmed. I loved the ring when we got engaged but after about 3 weeks noticed inclusions in two stones (its a three stone ring) and the middle diamond often feels foggy. I never said anything and just assumed this was the way it was made and the ring was of its time (its a 1940s ring). As a result I became a little obsessive with keeping it clean, washing it each day since noticing issues. We have been engaged for two years now and in the lead up to the wedding I have started to develop OCD habits around the ring. I wash it all too frequently and have developed the feeling of ‘being dirty’ and washing my hands excessivly, so much so I am getting dry hands and need to use cream to keep them from drying completely. The expereince of shopping plays on my mind alot, the ‘what if’ question always arises. The jeweller never advised us of our options when we bought the ring or the 4Cs or anything like that. Anyway this has all sent me into a spin. I have spoken to my fiancee and we are going to a specialist (non high street) jeweller next week to assess what can be done. He thinks Im a lunatic but has agreed regardless (and I love him even more or it). As its an old ring I think we have two options – either replace the stones or just completly rebuild the ring to the same design but with new stones and to a 2017 standard.
I was just wondering what people think of this? My family are all of the opinion to get it fixed before the wedding otherwise I will never fix it but the other half of me thinks Im just being really irrational and emotional particulalry this close to the wedding.
Any advice appreciated.
Post # 2
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
Can we see a picture of the Ring? What kind of stones and how are they set? What type/karat gold? Was it very expensive? Sometimes rebuilding or replacing stones is not the best option if it’s going to exceed the original cost of the ring. You could keep it as a right-hand ring and get a new ring if that were the case.
Post # 3
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
No diamond is perfect. It concerns me that even if you get the diamonds replaced, you will continue to obsess over their impurities as well.
Post # 4
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
Do it. If you don’t do it now, you’ll never ever it off your mind.
Post # 5
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
bunnybear79 : I think maybe you should see a therapist because your obsessive behaviors are not healthy. It’s important to love your ring and be happy with it, but this seems like it goes deeper than just this ring.
Post # 6
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
It makes me sad to hear that you’re going through this, but it also sounds like you have two very separate things happening. 1) you don’t like your ring and 2) you’ve developed some compulsive behaviors. I’d say treat them separately. Getting a new ring isn’t going to solve compulsivity issues. A therapist can help with that. Meanwhile, if you don’t like your ring, that’s an easy fix. Good luck.
Post # 8
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
Please please see a therapist I have been through this and still deal with OCD on a daily basis it can be very serious!
Post # 9
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I feel like replacing your e-ring makes it into just another ring. What’s more concerning, though, are the OCD tendencies you are having. Getting a new ring definitely isn’t going to resolve that. You shouldn’t be washing your hands so frequently that your hands become chapped. I hope you are able to find some help.
Post # 10
Member
32 posts
Newbee
it would help to see a pic of the ring. Then we can tell you if we understand your concerns or if this is more an emotional thing that really you should see a therapist about. <3
Post # 11
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
So much of this is nothing to do with the ring.
The way you mention feeling ‘dirty’ when wearing the ring and obsessing over the 4c’s makes me think you aren’t going to be happy with another ring/ stone either.
As a side note I really don’t think it’s up to the store to educate you on diamonds, you came in, tried on a ring and wanted to purchase it – why would they tell you about other options if that’s what you wanted to buy? I think you’re also focusing too much on the ‘shopping experience’ and letting that cloud your thinking, the notion of a perfect romantic day browsing for rings and full of joy is not that realistic and I don’t think you’ll feel better by attempting a do over.
If you want a new ring then go for it, but I hope you address your other issues. Good luck.
Post # 12
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
bunnybear79 : I think you should educate yourself about diamonds and stones before you go ahead and get new stones or settings or a new ring altogether. If you are going to get a new ring, spend some months before you commit to buying it and shop around heaps.
I do somewhat agree that you are going through stress and it would be best to address it first.
But at the same time you look at your ering everyday and you wear it most of your waking time. So I think you should still do something about your ring.
I had a similar experience with my ring but I loved the stone but was unhappy about the setting and also my wedding band. In the end we got it reset and got a new wedding band. My husband was very supportive of it because he could see how much it was bothering me. And the PPs are right, I was still not 100% happy.
We ended up spending additional $4000 for it but hubby was ok with it as long as it made me happy but still not 100% happy.
I realised I was quite stressed over wedding planning, moving and huge workload at work etc etc it was just wearing me out. And that led to obsessing over little things.
After things settled, I got over it. I do still obsess over my ring time to time when I am stressed.
If it bothers you so much, i think you should get it checked out by other jewellers. But do months of research before you commit to buying. Pls do it after the wedding. You sound stressed and when you are stressed you could rush into making decisions you will regret. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 13
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Thanks bees, really helpful! Lots of varying views here and much to think about. I agree the OCD is likely stress related, I like things to be ‘just right’ most of the time. The shank of the ring is quite slim and I’ve had a previously wobbly stone tightened so its probably worth me seeing a jeweller anyway who can assess the shank and ring itself for any potential problems in the future. And I agree, maybe revisit after the wedding – if I still feel strongly I can revisit it at Christmas or something. Perspective is everything – its just a ring and who knows, I may end up only wearing my wedding band once married!
