(Closed) Received a STD in the mail today, this couple was not on my A list! Help

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

I’d put them on the “A list” we added like 10 people to our list before sending out invitations, LOL.  What’s 2 people in the grand scheme of your wedding?  Plus, even though I know etiquette wise you don’t HAVE to invite them just because they invited you, it seems awkward IMO.

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You don’t have to invite them just because they invite you. If it would put a strain on a relationship you value alot then obviously add them. If it’s just a not close pal, they are planning a wedding- they get numbers and restrictions, don’t sweat not inviting them. Also I can’t believe they sent their Save-The-Date Cards out already. I feel like a slacker as a month twin. 

Post # 5
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I say leave it as is. I’m inviting a close friend/coworker to our wedding, and we didn’t get an invite to hers – I could care less. She had bigger space constraints than we did. Similarly, I’ve been invited to sorority sister’s weddings and I’m not inviting that couple…there are other people I’d rather be there (like above-mentioned coworker).

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@mishagirls79:  If you want them there, invite them! Don’t invite them simply becuase they invited you 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’d invite them if you’re friends.  You most likely will not have every person on your A list show up.  We have (a shocking to us) 30% unable to come to a beginning of November wedding.  However, if you don’t want them there then don’t invite them just b/c they invited you. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Invite them only if you have room. Id bump them to the top of your B list.

For all you know they have a guest list of 250 and a huge budget so dont compare yourself to them.

Post # 9
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d invite them. It’d be very, very surprising if you didn’t get some declines/no shows.

Post # 10
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
As an invited wedding guest, you have several obligations, but inviting the couple to your wedding in return is not one of them.
First and foremost, as soon as you learn of an impending wedding whether by Save-the-date card, wedding invitation, Facebook status or newspaper announcement, or any other method, you must immediately send your best wishes to the couple. The traditional way is by an informal note sent on your personal stationery. After that you are free to accept or decline the invitation. If you decline the invitation you have no further obligation but you have the privilege, if you wish to, to send the couple a gift. (Traditional etiquette sees the giving of a gift as an imposition, as it forces your taste onto the couple and puts them in a position of being obligated to you and smacks of trying to buy their favour, so casual acquaintances are supposed to refrain from gift-giving.)
If you decide to accept an invitation, your next obligation is to reply immediately by the same means by which the invitation was extended — a written note on your personal stationary if it was a written invitation; in person if it was an in-person invitation, by phone if extended by phone, and (by extension) electronically to an e-vite. No waiting until the R.s.v.p. due date is allowed: it makes it look like you were holding off in the hope of something better coming along. You must also actually attend, and do everything you can to support your hostess’s plans: sit in your assigned spot, make sparkling conversation to whomever you are seated near, dance with people who ask you, take no more than your share of the champagne, don’t leave until the guests of honour leave and don’t overstay, and so on. You must send a bread-and-butter note the next day thanking the hostess for her hospitality. And you should issue a return invitation.
But that return invitation need not be to exactly the same event, or all we life-long spinsters and already-marrieds would be incapable of fulfilling our obligations. In need only be to a vaguely similar event: to tea (if they had an afternoon tea reception) or to dinner (if they had a dinner reception). These return invitations should be issued in the same season, after the couple returns from their honeymoon. In the olden days, when couples got married first and then set up joint housekeeping rather than the other way around, this custom provided them with several welcome breaks while they were learning the ins and outs of cooking regular family meals. Oh, and you also have the privilege of sending a gift if you wish to.
If you actually fulfil all the foregoing obligations of an invited guest, your friend will clearly understand that you are interested in continuing the friendship and hold him in respect — and therefore he should be unoffended by your carrying on and having the wedding that you have already planned.

Post # 11
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would invite them….

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I say it’s 2 guests, the odds of you getting 100% attendance is very slim. Why not send out an invite to this one couple, that way you prevent any hard feelings, especially if some of your mutual friends as them made the cut and they didn’t.

Post # 13
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

I would invite them. He’s a friend, it sounds like the only reason why you aren’t thrilled about inviting them is headcount related. Chances are you’ll get declines before the wedding and it will work out. Who knows, maybe they’ll send a regret as well! But I would definitely send them an invitation. 

Post # 15
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I won’t be responding to any std via more than a text. This whole etiquette ish is so painfully outdated it’s absurd. NOBODY sends mail (aka shit that gets tossed away) anymore let alone for something you could Fbook a like about *eyeroll*

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