Received invite with only FI's name on envelope?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

emsie :  etiquette-wise, no you shouldn’t just assume. But it would be ok to get in touch with her (as she has clearly breached etiquette by not inviting you). But realistically, I would totally fill in both names and put the onus on her to then either accept you or make the call to rudely explain that you’re not invited. 

Post # 3
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would have your Fiance straight up ask her if you’re invited. That way if by some horror you actually aren’t, at least you put her in the uncomfortable position of having to tell him directly. 

Post # 4
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I bet it was just an error. I would have your Fiance clarify with the second cousin whether or not you could come too. 

Post # 5
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think your Fiance should call and ask his cousin. Something similar happened to Darling Husband and I while we were engaged and it turned out that only one of us was invited. I was pretty shocked bc we’d invited them (both) to our wedding and we’re all friendly, but it turned out that they invited other people without their spouses as well. 

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I would just make sure your Fiance asks her to make sure. Like a PP said, it’s possible they didn’t invite other people without spouses and went against etiquette purposefully or unpurposefully.

I’m interested to hear how it turns out.

Post # 7
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Just check in a friendly way. Maybe they’re just putting the name on the front of the person they have the main relationship with, but thought it went without saying that you were invited too, or something. 

Post # 8
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

No, it does not sound like you were invited, and thats okay.

You are not yet married, and the person getting married is FI’s second cousin, so my assumption would be that they don’t know you well, if at all?

Sounds like they are trying to reduce their guest list.

I could have Fiance cann and say something like “Hi ____, listen, it is absolutely not a problem if my Fiance is not invited, but I just thought i’d call to clarify whether or not she is”.

This way the bride/ groom have an easy out to say yes or no. There is no wedding ettiquete when it comes to a guest list. If they dont know you well, there is absolutely zero reason that they need to add to you to their list. But don’t be offended if that is the case, because i’m sure if they had unlimited resources you would have made the cut.

Sorry Bee

Post # 9
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

(Sigh). This is why invitations should name the invitees.

There’s no way of telling whether or not you are invited, because the invitation doesn’t say. Your Fiance should call and ask; but ask in a nice way that makes it clear that you’re just clarifying, not fishing for an invitation.

Post # 10
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

NDTieTheKnot :  There is no wedding ettiquete when it comes to a guest list.
 
I think I just choked on my tea. Of course there is wedding etiquette when it comes to a guest list. There always has been. What in the world are you talking about?
 
It is the absolute height of rudeness (and yes, that means a breach of etiquette) to invite only one half of a social unit. A social unit has for eons included not only married spouses, but also engaged couples and cohabiting partners at the very, very least.
 
It is even more gauche to expect others to come and celebrate your relationship while ignoring that their own exists – to break up a social unit for a wedding invitation is not only just rude, it’s also self-centered.
 
All that being said: OP, it’s highly likely it’s just poorly addressed and you are actually invited. Absolutely have your Fiance clarify the issue. If, for some bizarre reason, you are not, then your Fiance can simply decline such a rude invitation.

Post # 10
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

 

NDTieTheKnot :  There is no wedding ettiquete when it comes to a guest list.
 
I’m sorry, what? Of course there is wedding etiquette when it comes to a guest list. There always has been.  What in the world are you talking about?
 
It is the absolute height of rudeness (and yes, that means a breach of etiquette) to invite only one half of a social unit.  A social unit has for eons included not only married spouses, but also engaged couples and cohabiting partners at the very, very least.
 
It is even more gauche to expect others to come and celebrate your relationship while ignoring that their own exists – to break up a social unit for a wedding invitation is not only just rude, it’s also self-centered.
 

All that being said:  OP, it’s highly likely it’s just poorly addressed and you are actually invited. Absolutely have your Fiance clarify the issue. If, for some bizarre reason, you are not, then your Fiance can simply decline such a rude invitation.

Post # 11
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

emsie :  Does she definitely know your name? It could be that she left it off because she was unsure, but figured you would know it was for both of you.

I did that for a few guests, but I did message them once I knew they’d received their invitations to tell them that it was for both.

I certainly wouldn’t have been offended if someone had asked clarification, so I’d have your Fiance just call her and check.

If you aren’t invited, then I guess you’ve got the house to yourself for the evening or an easy way to decline 🙂

X

Post # 12
Member
13597 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds to me like you aren’t ivnited.  Have your Fiance reach out to his cousin and clarify.  If you’re not, talk to your Fiance about how you feel and whether or not you’d want him to go.  If it were me, I wouldn’t want to Darling Husband to go to a wedding when the couple didn’t respect my relationship enough to incldue me (and to counter a PP, yes, there most certainly is etiquette about a wedding guest list, and splitting up a social unit is a faux pas).

Post # 13
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

It sounds like you’re not invited. I’d definitely get Fiance to clarify though in case they thought it would be obvious it was for you both.

Two of FI’s school friends married each other last year and the envelope was addressed to Fiance only. They made it clearer by addressing the invite itself to Fiance only. In the end they had enough evening invite declines to invite me to join Fiance at the evening do. They decided to only invite a small number of their friends’ partners, FIs and spouses – those who they knew well enough in their own right.

Two of FI’s other friends had married a few years earlier, both our names were on the envelope with two invites inside – one for Fiance to the ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening do and one for me for the evening do.

Post # 15
Member
7909 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

emsie :  whether or not it was an error the invitation is clear – your fiance is invited and you are not. If she didn’t know your name but wanted you to come she would have written “fiance and guest”. I’d personally not go and not ask – if they later ask why you aren’t coming simply say “because the invitation was only addressed to fiance” and then let them correct their mistake if it was one. 

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