Received invite with only FI's name on envelope?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

NDTieTheKnot :  “There is no wedding ettiquete when it comes to a guest list”

WHAT?!?! This has to be the most ridiculous sentence I’ve read on here in a while. That’s completely and totally NOT TRUE. 

Post # 17
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

craigslistgirl :  I think you’re right, it might just be in error. Have him follow-up without being combative.

Post # 18
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Engaged people are a social unit, just like those who are married or living together. No exceptions.

I’d have Fiance send a quick message clarifying that you were just left off the invitation. If you AREN’T invited, help them reduce that guest list further by not attending because that’s f*cking rude. 

Post # 19
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

It’s interesting to read all the comments. Just last month, we received an invitation from fiancé’s college friend, whom I have met a couple times. It was only a dressed to Fiance, but because it is a Destination Wedding I assumed that I was invited. I still thought it was incredibly rude. Even though my Fiance and I have not met his fiance, I made a point to find out her name and include it when I sent out the save the dates.

I would have your fiance ask the cousin if you were meant to be included or not.

Post # 20
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

The same thing happened to my fiancé and I last summer.  We received an invite to his cousins wedding with only his name on it.  We were living together and recently had gotten engaged.  My fiancé called his cousin and said of course I was invited.  I was not happy, as I thought they were trying to just keep the guest list down and exclude me, but what can you do?  We would have declined if I was not invited.  You always invite both people in a couple!

Post # 21
Member
12216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

aussiemum1248 : 

“There’s no way of telling whether or not you are invited, because the invitation doesn’t say.”

There has always been a way. Invitations are addressed specifically to those who are invited. OP and her Fiance are living together, so her name should have been on the envelope. If they lived separately, she should have received her own invitation. A lot of people will just send one invitation either way, but with both names on it, obviously. 

The only question is whether or not the cousin or his future wife are uninformed or if they intended this.

It is perfectly acceptable in this situation for Fiance to  reach out to his cousin to find out whether they meant for OP to be included. Obviously, she should have been. 

If not, that’s very rude and IMO her Fiance should decline.  

Post # 22
Member
784 posts
Busy bee

NDTieTheKnot :  This is simply untrue. All significant others must be invited. Some ettiquette sources define a significant other as “any relationship at all” and some define it as living together or “serious”, but regardless, engaged certainly counts.

Post # 23
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

Just have your Fiance ask. Same thing happened to me. We are actually going to a wedding this Friday and the invite only had his name on it. I told him to double check with his friend. I don’t think its rude to ask when the invitation is confusing. They probably didn’t know your name and thats why it wasn’t included. Not the best way, but it happens. 

Post # 24
Member
4973 posts
Honey bee

I would have your Fiance ask then decide if you want to go. Unfortunately not everyone makes the effort to get names for invites. 

Post # 25
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

emsie :  The invite seems clear to me. Your name is not on it, so you’re not invited.

Even if they didn’t know your name, the invite would have said “Fiance’s Name and Guest” if they were inviting more than just him.

My guess is that they are trying to keep the guest list a bit smaller and that you’re not close with them, so that’s why they didn’t invite you. Etiquette-wise it’s a faux pas, but people don’t follow proper etiquette all the time.

weddingmaven :  Honestly, I think that this was intentional and asking about it would put the cousin in a very uncomfortable position. I did this once when my DH’s name wasn’t on an invite (and neither was + Guest), and the Bride said that she couldn’t believe that there was a mistake and that Darling Husband was invited and of course his name was on the invite (no it wasn’t), but then I later found out that she perceived my asking about it as me trying to get my Darling Husband invited and that she felt forced to say yes even though she only mean to invite me. Even though she should have invited us as a unit, I didn’t realize that I had put her in an uncomfortable position by asking about the invite, even though I asked in a non-judgemental way, and I felt really bad about it.

Post # 26
Member
12216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

franklymydearidont :  If someone breaches etiquette, the most charitable assumption is that it must have been a mistake. Etiquette is perfectly OK with the follow-up in this situation. Your cousin is the one who should have felt uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong by clarifying and had nothing to feel badly about. 

Post # 27
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

franklymydearidont :  “Honestly, I think that this was intentional and asking about it would put the cousin in a very uncomfortable position.”

Maybe it’s petty, but in my opinion the bride and groom SHOULD feel uncomfortable about this.

If I had accidentally not invited someone’s SO (be it from just a brain fart or whatever) I would feel awful about it and I’d hope the mistake would be brought to my attention immediately so I could fix it. 

Post # 28
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

franklymydearidont :  Not inviting someone’s fiance, or even worse as in your case someone’s SPOUSE, is extremely rude and goes against every form of wedding etiquette (at least in the U.S.). It is no wonder the OP is confused…this is not a thing, and if it happened to me my first instinct would be to think it was just an innocent mistake, which I would want to clear up.

If it WASN’T a mistake…if they truly did intentionally leave someone’s fiance off the invitation, then that is the height of rudeness. In my opinion, if you’re going to make such a rude and offensive decision, you should at the very least be willing to own it.

I would contact the host in this situaiton to ask if my fiance/spouse was invited. I wouldn’t do it in a combative way…just matter of fact, “My fiance’s name wasn’t on the invitation – are they invited?”

Not gonna lie though, if it turned out the host really did mean to exclude my fiance from the wedding, I would 100% relish putting them through the awkwardness of having to tell me that to my face. I wouldn’t fight them over it but I would respectfully decline the invitation because that is rude AF. You want me to pay money to come celebrate your relationship, but you won’t even dignify mine by inviting my spouse/fiance? nope, denied.

Post # 29
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I would put in “2” where it asks you to put the number of guests attending. Then, if you’re not invited, the cousin will either have to call and awkwardly explain her rudeness, or it really was an oversight. 

Post # 30
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I got an invite to my cousin’s wedding and it had only my name, but we are very close and my fiance always comes to family functions.  I texted the bride and asked if the invite was just for me, or me and my fiance, and she said sorry, she wasn’t sure how to spell his name and was in a rush to get it mailed out, that he was invited too.  So totally innocent!  Don’t assume the worst, just have your fiance ask.

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