(Closed) received this response written on a post it atop our rsvp card – what to do?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: what would you do?
    add her plus one : (23 votes)
    10 %
    wait for her to connect via email : (25 votes)
    11 %
    call her and tell her no : (169 votes)
    74 %
    call her and tell her yes : (12 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sfchick:

    Well considering she won’t know many people at the wedding, if any considering she is a new friend I don’t think it is a bad request.  I would feel totally awkward going to a wedding where I don’t know anyone but the bride becasue you’ll be preoccupied mostly.

    If you want to cut down numbers tell her you cannot accomodate her date, becasue if spacing issues.

    Post # 4
    Member
    46420 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    As awkward as this is, it’s not really that hard. This person is trying to blackmail you into a plus one.”If I can’t bring a guest, I’m not coming”.

    Just phone her up and say”I got your response. We cannot extend an invitation for your guest. I am sorry if that means you won’t be attending.”

    Don’t let her pull the pity party act. Every adult should have the ability to spend one evening making social chit chat with new people.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @julies1949:  Agree completely!  It takes guts to write a note like so.  She could’ve at least asked you in person. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Also agreed with julies1949. Unfortunately I think you have to call, or she’ll probably assume she’s getting her way.

     

    PostIts… how classy.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I would just let her know you’re sorry she cant attend. If she is really a friend she should be able to be there for you without a date for a few hours. Dont let her force you to invite some guy you dont really know to your wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Personally I’d give her the +1, but we were able to give everyone +1’s.  Honestly I think she asked in a very polite, non-pushy way.  If I were in your shoes, I’d decide whether I can allow the +1 or not and then give her your answer.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @sfchick:  I would stick to what you originally said a month ago.  Don’t let her guilt you into adding a plus one if you can’t afford it.  I had a co-worker/friend do the same thing to me.  I obliged and added her boyfriend, then neither of them showed up at the reception!  We were out $130 and she didn’t even give us a card!  Undecided 

    Post # 11
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    OK, now with the additional info, I am even more hell to the no.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @Frog E.:  Agreed!  Talk about pushy! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    46420 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My advice doesn’t change with the added information.

    There is no such thing as asking in a very polite, non-pushy way. It is ALWAYS rude to ask if you can bring someone else to any social event to which you alone have been invited.

    It’s like asking who else will be there before you decide to come. You either attend within the terms of the invitation or you don’t- period.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sfchick:

    I’m confused about your definiton of single since you stress that word so much.  You say no single firends or family have invites.  Are you single until you are engaged or married?  She clearly has a b/f and therefore isn’t single.

    I would understand if she was indeed single and wanted to bring a random guy, but you say your FI’s friends are allowed to bring guests.  It’s quite rude to let some guest bring guests and not others. That’s pretty much saying that her relationship isn’t strong/good enough for you.

    Donno if you’re having dancing, but often that’s what you do at weddings and basically you’re taking away her partner.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @sfchick:  She’s been married and divorced.  The real “kicker” was that her boyfriend was not officially divorced at the time that made me really uncomfortable.  She is happy, but never really congratulated us, which has made me a tad bitter towards her.  So sad!  Good luck with your situation!! 

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