(Closed) received this response written on a post it atop our rsvp card – what to do?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: what would you do?

    add her plus one

    wait for her to connect via email

    call her and tell her no

    call her and tell her yes

  • Post # 122
    22 posts

    View original reply

    We’ll just have to agree to disagree on the tacky thing.

    I stick by my opinion of that it is tacky to invite people and not allow a plus one, regardless of what etiquette books say. I would much rather attend a less fancy wedding with less food and be allowed a plus one than to attend a fancier wedding with more food but not be allowed a plus one.

    I realize my opinions on this aren’t in accordance with what etiquette books say or what many people think, but my thoughts on this would be proper etiquette based on how I was raised and where I am from.


    …Sorry to get off track with this, I know this wasn’t what the poster was asking about!

    Post # 123
    2700 posts
    Sugar bee

    Politely explain your reasoning why you were unable to include “and guest” on her RSVP. You and your fiance had a cut off as far as guests and you have to stick with your guns or else you’re have a lot more + ones attending as well!

    Post # 125
    7369 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’m sorry, I wouldn’t invite him. I live w my FH and we have been together over 10 years. I’m totaly cool with going to social events without him and I’ve attend a wedding without him. Even when we are married I won’t feel the pressure to bring him to any of my associates weddings, if he isn’t a mutual friend of theirs. he tends to shy away from big groups anyway. It’s totally his call if he wants to go or not. 

    Its rude to repeatedly harass the host with a thinly veiled threat of “he’s in or I’m out” which is what she did. I just don’t get the big deal, your an adult and you can’t be away from your SO for a few freaking hours? Ridiculous.  If your that uncomfortable in crowds, decline or at minimum attend the ceremony then go on your merry way.

    Post # 126
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldn’t even call or e-mail this chick.  No need.  She made it clear that it’s more important to her to be able to hang out with her boyfriend than it is to go and see you get married and support you.

    Post # 127
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    WOW I’m always amazed at the things people do at special ocassions.  You have to stick to your guns and no plus one.  I was challenged on the no kids thing and it was so tough.  We had a whole lot of no’s and I was very concerned.  In the end it worked out and our goal was 100 guest and we have 110 coming.  I would call her and this time be very direct.  Let her know you value her friendship and that is why you invited her but you are already over your count and will miss her at your wedding.  Good Luck and stay strong!

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