(Closed) Receiving cheaper versions of registry items…again?!

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ok you sound really ungrateful. A registry is a suggestion. A gift is anything that the giver wants to give.

If multiple people are suggesting that your registry items are too expensive for them, maybe it would be worth reevaluating what you have on there and the price points.

Post # 3
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee

I understand your frustration, but there’s nothing you can do. Keep those items on the registry and donate/sell/return whatever you receive that you don’t like. They are gifts so you really can’t be picky.

Post # 4
Member
6575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

People can buy you whatever they want to buy you. They can also choose not to buy you anything. If they didn’t get you exactly what you asked for, then leave the unpurchased item on your registry still. Or buy it yourself. Return what you don’t want, sell what you can’t return, and get over it. People work hard to make money and the fact that they choose to spend some of it on you should make you feel fortunate and grateful, not make you pout over a spatula that is too flimsy for your tastes.   and +1 

View original reply
j_jaye:  if so many people are turning up with less expensive versions of your registry items, then your problem may be with your registry and not with your guests.

Post # 5
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If your guests have a budget of $20-50, and your items are $60-200, there is maybe a bit of room to bring in either some lower priced items or to ask people to not buy you presents (if it makes you upset to not get items off the registry, maybe your guests should get you a card and that’s it.)

Post # 6
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

people can give you whatever they want. What you decide to do after is up to you. Accept all future gifts with a smile and if you need, return what you won’t use.

Post # 7
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

Keep the cheap flatware. When you have kids, pull it out again and put the pricy stuff away. Forks disappear when you have children. POOF!! Gone. Never to surface again. I do not know where they go but you will have a good 7-10 years of the magic act with your utensils.

Post # 8
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Versailles Banquets (Northwest Suburbs of Chicago)

View original reply
amanda.417:  I agree with PP’s about people can give whatever they want.  If you really want those, go get them, but do not expect it just because it is on your registry. I would keep the set from your mom/brother, because 12 is still not enough at times so it would be nice to have the extra’s.

Post # 9
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Some of the responses you’ve gotten aren’t super understanding, so I just wanted to say I totally get where you’re coming from. You registered for UPGRADES to the cheap stuff you ALREADY HAVE. There is no reason for people to keep buying you cheap stuff you already have – it’s like none of them understands the point of a wedding registry. Yes, they’re gifts, but you’re essentially watching people waste their money on things you have no reason to keep… and yet at the end of this experience will only have accumulated more cheap, flimsy stuff. I totally get how frustrating that is. 

If this was a different wedding-related item, like a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, Bees would be pissed if a bridesmaid said “nah, I didn’t buy the teal dress you picked out and wanted for all these specific reasons… I bought this $6 blue maxi dress at Old Navy instead! It’s close enough!” (Not knocking Old Navy, they have great deals!) My point is, that would be frustrating because it’s not what you picked out. I know it’s not exactly the same since the registry is gifts. It’s just frustrating for people to dismiss what you chose and then act like it’s excessive!

Post # 10
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
amanda.417:  

I’m not sure you fully comprehend the meaning of “gift”.

I plan on using the 20% discounts that BBB sends me via email to buy the things no one else buys, and the 10% completion discount after the wedding for anything else if I run out of those coupons. You can do the same.

I had a friend register for really ridiculously expensive stuff on BBB, and she was complaining that no one had bought her dinnerware set that was $130 per setting. I wanted to say “and you can’t think of a reason why no one would buy that for you?” Seriously, I wasn’t going to spend $130 and get her one measly setting. Come on now…

Post # 11
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

I was raised with the mentality that people do not owe you anything, it’s given only out of the generosity of thier hearts, and that we (my sisters and I) should be grateful for the gift regardless of what it is. It’s the thought that counts. 

These people took the time to look to see what you would enjoy, and are then going and out and searching (bargains aren’t always easy to find!) for an item that they think you would enjoy that is within thier price range. Everyone’s finances arent the same. Even if a person appears to be well off from the outside, you never truely know. Also, even if that person IS capable of spending more, it’s there perogative to spend thier money how they wish. 

I really think you need to take a step back and focus more on the kind gesture, and less on the price tag. 

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I would be really frusterated too and I don’t think you sound ungrateful. Yes, a registry is a suggestion, but by actively going against what you have explicitly said you would prefer multiple times, your mom is basically saying “I don’t care what you think and I know better than you do”. You say that “there’s no way to convince my mom of this without hurting her feelings” but she doesn’t seem very concerned about your feelings right now, especially if she would resort to giving you the silent treatment if she doesn’t get her way. Also, your brother didn’t need to buy you a $200 silverware set, he could have gotten you something else he could have afforded (she made the decision that he would be gifting your silverware). 

I don’t know the best way to do this but it would be helpful for you to somehow get the message across that you guys spent a lot of time picking heirloom quality items that you hope to have for the rest of your life. And you know that some of the items are more expensive but you would be thrilled (and would much prefer) that you get just one silverware set than you picked out than a complete set (maybe say something like you already started building the nicer set…). 

Post # 14
Member
8487 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would hang onto it for now and just return it once you move to your new house. Leave the items you actually want on your registry.

I know a gift is a gift, but I’m sorry I would rather have people save their money or get me a gift card than waste it on something I’m not going to use. Plus I put a lot of time into researching items and reading reviews on the items we had on our registry.

Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m pretty sure I just wouldn’t give you anything.

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