Receiving "Not Attending" RSVPs!?!

posted 3 months ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

wawa92017 :  We are in the exact same boat!!! We invited roughly 280 people and we’re only at 157! The RSVP cut off date was yesterday! But luckily I gave myself an almost two week cushion to round up the missing RSVPs before the final count it due! But I am shocked to find out most of the missing RSVPs are “Declines”! I too get it that people have lives and our wedding is not their priority, but I must admit I’m a little bummed about certain ones. When’s your wedding, Bee?

Post # 3
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Same here! There have been some that are so surprising. We’ve even had people say they are 100% coming and then we get their RSVP and it says decline without an explanation or follow up! It has definately been a downer to open up the declines and be like – really? Boo!

Post # 4
Member
8760 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The person you invited may be sending regrets for any number of reasons, including personal, private, financial, or health related. There may have been a work or social conflict. But they are in no way obligated to justify their RSVP, whether or not you attended their wedding. And you are in no way entitled to the information. 

Post # 5
Member
8190 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

when i received No’s i wanted to know the reason.  but i decided their response and their choice and maybe they don’t want to share.  if they did they would let me know.  so i let it go.

since these were just curtesy invites and it doesn’t sound like you really care if they are there or not, why does it matter so much why they said no?

Post # 6
Member
45667 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Seriously, everyone gets declines to wedding invitations. Although your curiosity may be natural, I hardly think they need to share their reason. “Sorry, I have been having some health concerns and am scheduled to have a colonoscopy that day. I will be thinking of you.”!!!

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

wawa92017 :  Been there. We invited about 170 to our wedding. By the RSVP cutoff, we had about 120 confirmed. About 105 actually showed up (lots of no call no show….grrrr). We also had some suprise “no’s,” people who I totally expected to come but did not. I tried not to take it personally, though it was hard 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You said yourself it was a curtesy invite. Not sure why they declined. Clearly you aren’t that close to them anyways. 

Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

Yep! We had a couple almost beg to be invited (prior to us sending out STDs but they knew the wedding date already) and after inviting them, they said no. They then went and booked a trip over our wedding, 2 months after having said no, so this trip wasnt planned prior. So weird! We also had a couple abroad who promised in advance that they would make it. Then closer to the time it was ‘were definitely coming, we just havent booked our tickets yet’, to a ‘im so sorry, work wont let me take the time off’. I would never expect attendance from guests who live internationally but I found it weird that they kept saying they would definitely be there right up until 3 weeks before the wedding (I mean if you havent bought plane tickets or asked for it off work by 2 months out when you live on a different continent, then you arent ‘definitely coming’). 

Post # 10
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Not exactly in the same position but one ‘no’ is coming from FI’s aunt unexpectedly. She was also super excited and kept saying she would definitely come but then ‘decline’. She told us it’s because she is recovering from appendix laparoscopy she had back in march.

Post # 11
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

Going through this right now! Our deadline was yesterday and we have had quite a few surpise declines. Some were people’s girlfriends not wanting to come unless certain other girlfriends would be attending, a surprise break up and a couple family members. We are also waiting on a bunch of people to repsond… How hard is it to mail back a stamped envelope?

Post # 12
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I went through this and even started a thread about this 2 years ago when I was getting married. It’s totally a bummer when people have to decline and of course we expected it, but it still stung a little. Totally normal but I promise you, the day of the wedding it won’t really matter! 

Best of luck and enjoy your special day 🙂 .

Post # 13
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

I know it can be sad when someone declines, but they don’t owe you a reason or an excuse. Personal reasons are often just that . . . personal.  

Post # 14
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

wawa92017 :  not trying to sound harsh, but it’s possible they had a notion they were just a courtesy invite and decided to decline. 

Post # 15
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t get upset, it might not be personal at all. My husband and I get a lot of wedding invites (big families, big friend groups…it just adds up) and we have to decline somewhat often. Our reasons vary, but I have hardly ever told someone why I couldn’t go. 

 

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