(Closed) Recent Diagnosis: Mom has Cancer

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

moviegoer23:  I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 I hope that the results are favorable on Monday.

I haven’t personally had a parent with cancer, but I was with Fiance through his dad’s cancer. 

There’s no right answer on how you should act, but it was helpful for FIs family to carry on as normal and not dwell on it. Wedding planning could be a great opportunity to spend time with your mom and make memories together. 

Post # 3
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry. Just handle it one day at a time. My mother had brain cancer, she survived! Im sure your wedding will be the excitement she wants to hear about. Talk about the recovery, not about the bad. It’s tough but will make you both stronger in the end.

Post # 4
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Take it one day at a time.  I lost my step mother (who was like a mother to me) several years ago to pancreatic cancer.  It changes the way you see everything…for sure.

As hard as it may seem, I really think you should press on “as usual”, being accomodating of moms needs of course.  I agree this is a very special time to build positive memories with your mother.  I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I don’t think the joy in our lives necessarily needs to stop because of unfortunate events.  I think your mother will also echo this sentiment, as my stepmother also did, even with her terminal diagnosis.  She preferred to live her last 9 months as “normal” as possible, attending her kids sporting events, working for a few months, dining out, parties with friends, etc.  

Health permitting, I’m sure your mother will prefer “life as usual”.  

Cancer often makes us not talk.  I think if anything, ask your mother how she is feeling.  It’s ok to talk about being scared, and it’s ok to ask her how she feels about everything.  The best you can do for her is listen.  She will tell you how she feels, and whether or not she is still able to contribute to your DIY activities.  

Post # 5
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. 🙁 I am going through the same thing right now with my mom. She was diagnosed with Stage III Leiomyosarcoma of the Uterus in August. At that time, they were hopeful she would have a year left with us. She still has the cancer, and is getting treatment.

Having been going through this for almost a year, my advice is to enjoy every day you can with your mom…and EVERYONE important in your life, for that matter. I have always been very close to my mom–I love and appreciate her more than I can express in this short post. Her illness has taught me an important lesson–life is TRULY short. It’s a shame that we have to cheat death in order to really SAVOR the ones we love most in life.

Continue planning the wedding, and enjoy it! Not to sound flippant: Yep, she has cancer. And yep, it really REALLY sucks! But, even though you are all going through this struggle, it’s still okay to be happy Don’t worry about how you “should” act. There’s no rule book or expectations on what the right thing to do is. Be excited about the wedding…that’s what your mom wants, right? I suspect she’s looking forward to your wedding almost as much as you are—I know my mom, did! : )

Along with all the fear, tears and unknowns…you’re entitled to still find joy while you fight this battle alongside her. I put many things on hold for a few months when my mom was newly diagnosed, and decided to just feel sorry for myself and her and cry alone. What a waste of time and tears! Now, when I’m upset about what is going on, I talk with mom, and we cry together. That doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. More often, we laugh and smile and enjoy life…
Hang in there.

Best to you and your mom.

Post # 6
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

When caught in the early stages, colon cancer has a very good survival rate. My father is alive 10+ years post diagnosis and his disease was advanced. Take care.

Post # 7
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sorry to hear this.  There is no right way to act.  Keep living, keep loving and muddle through.  Everyone will react strangely to things and this is normal.  Youll surprise yourself and people will surprise you but its all part of the process.  Continuing giving your mom something happy to think about and do and the wedding is  perfect distraction. 

Post # 8
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

moviegoer23:  HUGS.  Having had my mom diagnosed with cancer,  I agree with doglover89: , Tess63110:  and Kat14:  

I really think you should press on “as usual”, being accomodating of moms needs of course. I agree this is a very special time to build positive memories with your mother. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I don’t think the joy in our lives necessarily needs to stop because of unfortunate events. I think your mother will also echo this sentiment

my advice is to enjoy every day you can with your mom…and EVERYONE important in your life, for that matter. I have always been very close to my mom–I love and appreciate her more than I can express in this short post. Her illness has taught me an important lesson–life is TRULY short. It’s a shame that we have to cheat death in order to really SAVOR the ones we love most in life.

Continue planning the wedding, and enjoy it! Not to sound flippant: Yep, she has cancer. And yep, it really REALLY sucks! But, even though you are all going through this struggle, it’s still okay to be happy Don’t worry about how you “should” act. There’s no rule book or expectations on what the right thing to do is.

 Sorry to hear this. There is no right way to act. Keep living, keep loving and muddle through. Everyone will react strangely to things and this is normal. Youll surprise yourself and people will surprise you but its all part of the process. Continuing giving your mom something happy to think about and do and the wedding is perfect distraction.

 

Post # 9
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Church

moviegoer23:  I am so sorry to hear about  your mom and I will be keeping her in my prayers. It isn’t easy, take it one day at a time and keep planning your wedding day. That will give your mom hope.  You’ll have many different emotions and that will be okay too. 

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry. My mom was diagnosed with Colon Cancer about 5 years ago. Luckily it was Stage 1 and she had to go through surgery which was tough, but no chemo or radiation was needed. It’s a tough time, but I just spent as much time with her at the hospital as I could. Speaking from experience, I know my mom wanted us to do everything we normally did and not treat her any differently. I’m sure your mom would want you to still be excited about and work on things for your wedding. Good luck and I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

Post # 11
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. My Father in law has stage 4 colen cancer. The first thing I did when we found out he was sick was to make him a “cancer bag.” I bought him a bag and filled it with playing cards, ginger chews (for his stomach,) made for adult coloring books (they are a real thing) a blanket and hand sanitizer.  From time to time I give him things that he might need when he is in the doctor or waiting for the doctor. My father in law and I have a wacky sence of humor. I am not sure if your Mom would like this but I bought my FIN a new colon:

http://iheartguts.com/collections/plush-organs/products/new-colon-plush-you-move-me

It is very silly but it always makes him smile. 

My heart goes out to you. Just focus on having an amazing time with your Mom working on your wedding. *HUGS*

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