Post # 31
MrsM2015: this is an awesome example of strength and the human spirit. thank you for sharing.
When I was 30 I broke up with my Fiance. He was an amazing man but I was immature and wasn’t ready to be a wife. I was shocked at the loss I was feeling (because I left him). For many months I would stand in the middle of my living room during the night, staring into the darkness, and thought… “I’m in living hell.” I drove 90 minutes to see my therapist EVERYDAY for a month. He (the therapist) allowed me to call him at all hours of the night which I did because the pain was UNBEARABLE. I didn’t sleep for 10 days straight and walked myself into the emergency room where I was prescribed sleeping medication. I couldn’t hold down food due to the acid buildup in my stomach from stress and I lost 15 pounds in 10 days. I looked anorexic. I sobbed and BEGGED my Fiance to take me back and thankfully he was smart enough to reject me.
OP, I share this with you to let you know we KNOW how hard a breakup is. During this time, it was immensely helpful to hear stories of other women who went through it. It took me six months to get past the most intense part of the pain and another six months until I could date. I have loved again (a few times over) AND I have had my heart broken again too except now, the physically and emotional feeling of loss and sadness is familiar to me. I am armed with coping skills to endure it and the healing process is much quicker.
I PROMISE you… you will find love again. xo
Post # 32
thank you so much for that reply – it seriously means so much that others have been here and came out the other side. ive suffered many sleepless nights and its been hard to eat on and half for the past 4 months. i feel like im really draining my friends and family by bringing this up again and again. also because of my young age and the length of my relationship, most of my friends have never been through break ups like this one and i feel its hard for them to understand.
i do keep trying to remind myself that im so young and this isnt the end of the world. trying to keep things in perspective! its been a roller coaster of emotions for me and lots of bad days but also some good ones mixed in here. i still cry pretty much everyday but am back to doing my daily schedule and routines for the most part. this is my first heart break and at the beginning i truly felt no one had ever felt the pain i was going through but its so nice to hear about those of you who came out on the other side!
Post # 33
Everyone has some great stories and advice.
I was actually 23 when “the One” dumped me. I was in the middle of my graduate degree when he decided it was over. I met him when I started my program a year before. He was charming, talked about the future together, everyone loved him, and he was emotionally abusive (loooong story). He crapped on my self esteem and then used that to his advantage. By the end of our relationship, he was was trying to see other girls (I expect he was cheating on me) and when I would try and talk about it he would get angry saying by asking things like that, I was pushing him away.
He had isolated me from my friends (family lived far away) and all I had was him and school. When he ended it, he did it because he needed space, I was smothering him (he lived in a different city and we talked once or twice a week). I was a mess. He promised we could still be friends, and I tried. But he would get upset if I asked for computer help but flipped out on me if I said I wasn’t ready to talk about his new relationship troubles. I realized he had to be cut off completely, so I did. Because he had isolated me I was so, so lonely.
From break-up to getting my shit somewhat back together, it was six months. I probably would have been much worse off if it wasn’t for mu degree which kept me dragging my depressed butt into the school. Once I realized I could repair all my alienated friendships and I could be awesome without him, I started to heal. I realized what he had done to me. A man who tells you you’d look so much better if you did this, that and the next thing and then photoshops pictures of you and him (he is unaltered) and posts them, that’s a sick jerk who doesn’t deserve my love and I deserve so much better.
I hate the hell out of my ex but because he treated me like a doormat (and I let him), I came out the other end so much stronger and more determined. I met my fiancé when I turned 25, now at 29 we’re getting married. It’s a new feeling though. I want to spend my life with my fiancé and I love him more than anything, but unlike my ex, I don’t “need” him. I feel like I’m entering the greatest partnership of my life.
Don’t give up, someone will come into your life. Things do not always go according to the plans we set up in our minds. You have to live your life for yourself and you’ve got to be happy and confident no matter what happens. Then Mr Amazing shows up in the weirdest place and time but it couldn’t be more right. At least that’s how it happened for me. 🙂
Post # 34
I am commenting because I can relate and I want you to know there’s so many silver linings in this. I myself was with someone from age 23-27. I thought he was the one for me, no question. It ended obviously and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I do agree that you need to cut contact with him. It’s so hard but it does get easier. And before you know it, it’s three weeks without talking to him, then three months, etc.
it sounds like you have a lot to give and do you really want to give to someone who “needs to see” or “needs to think” after 8 years?!
Get a couple of good girlfriends, go out, dance, have fun, shop. That’s the only thing that got me through it. Whatever to keep you busy. And before you know it you will feel ready to move on.
Post # 35
heartbroken123: I understand how you feel. I had a boyfriend who felt like someone I had a good relationship with. Things were normal I felt we weren’t distant or super clingy. He said he loved me but he would often do things that disproved it like ignore me for friends and expressed he didn’t want what I wanted. I was a great girlfriend and he even said it himself when we broke up. He said he felt pressured to date me because after his family met me they loved me and wanted us together. Needless to say I was upset especially because I really liked him but he basically explained he didn’t like me like that and he tried hard to. My self esteem was down, was I not worth it? Not pretty enough? Too fat? After the break up I started eating healthier, I pushed harder through school and I met a guy. I lost 50 pounds. I got a scholarship and the new guy is now my husband. Had that guy never broken up with me, my life wouldn’t be as wonderful as it is now. I went to Europe, traveled around and have done so much that I know he would have held me back from doing.
Post # 36
heartbroken123: Hi. I just came across this post while googling ways to get over my ex. My story is similar to yours. We started dating when we were both 15. Dated all throughout high school and midway through college where we are now We are both 20. It’s been only a few days since we broke up, but he told me that he doesn’t care for me in the way that I want him to and his feelings for me have changed drastically. Basically, I’m an extrovert. I love to go to places and he likes to stay home and do other activities. It has always been a big issue in our relationship and I feel like I have missed out on a lot especially during my teen years because a lot of the stuff he did not want to do together. So he says that I should find a man to fulfill my needs and he needs time because he is unsure about his feelings for me. So it was kind of a mutual break up, but I am a bit more hurt by it because I genuinley thought he loved me like he said he did on many ocassions. I feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. We also had the issue that he NEVER texted me or seeked me to hang out which made me feel unappreciated and unwanted. So during our breakup he said that its because he just simply lost interest in pursuing me, and if he ever did do it was for sex. Well anyways, I don’t know the point of this post, but I just felt the need to reply because I needed to vent and I felt like I could relate to your story. I am dealing with this one step at a time and it hurts for me to see him act like nothing. In fact, his “introvert” qualities have changed. On his facebook he now posts how he’s going to do this, how he went to the beach with his friends and bars, many places in which I asked him to go with me and he said he didnt want to. I guess we both have grown apart. Anyways, I would love to know how you are coping with this situation now. I feel like it could help me a lot in dealing with what I am going through. I hope you are doing well!
Post # 37
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are 23 years old, you have so much time to find the right one for you and get married. Break ups happen because the person is not the right one for you. I was with a boyfriend for 2 years when I was 23. He ended it and at the time, I felt like my whole world was falling apart. My job was shitty and paid nothing (it was the middle of the recession), my friends from college were all struggling too, I lost our shared home and had to move in with my mom (embarrassing!), and I was meeting the worst guys ever. Everything seemed so dreary and awful and like it was never going to get better. And then I met a guy in a bar. 3 months later I moved across the country to move into his home. Now, 6 years later, we are married, have a beautiful house, 2 little dogs, and a rambunctious 7 month old boy. Your break up needs to happen to open up the other paths in your life.
Post # 38
KeniaJ.Ortiz: I learned in my 20’s that you can love someone and still not be the right person for each other. The fairy tale is that if you love each other, everything will work out. But in reality, you need so much more to make a relationship last. Your SO breaking up with you, although it hurts, is actually the most amazing gift he could have ever given you. It will allow you time to really get to know yourself as a single entity, not part of a couple. And it will allow you to find the right guy for you.
When my college boyfriend broke up with me, I was heartbroken and didnt sleep for days or eat for weeks. Then he cruelly strung me along for the next 2 years (“I know you are the girl I want to marry, but I need to date other people”–BS, total BS). It took me until 38 to find the right guy, but OMG, I thank God everyday that I didn’t marry my college boyfriend (or the many men I dated in between). Darling Husband is 100% the most amazing guy and 100% the perfect guy for me.
So mourn for as long as you need to mourn. Then pull yourself up and get out into the world and work on being the best YOU that YOU can be. While you are busy with you life and living it to the fullest, the right guy will come along.
Post # 39
heartbroken123: my fiancé broke off our engagement, I thought the pain would kill me. i totally cut him out of my life and two years later met my amazing hubby. After I got engaged my ex returned begging my forgiveness etc…no chance! Hubby and I have been married three years, and while I would never say this anywhere else my hubby is SO much better, I thank G-D often that I didn’t wind up with my ex…lol