(Closed) Recent Weddings you’ve ATTENDED – what are the things you vow to do/not do?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 47
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

rabbit- That seating arrangement is horrible!  I was thinking of going with assigned seating for something like that very reason…so people don’t feel awkward guessing where to sit!

I would say the only recent wedding “problem” I’ve seen is the gap between the ceremony and reception…people were starving and there was nothing to do.  Also, a cash bar.  I don’t consider what we’re doing to be a “cash bar” though it is limited to soft drinks and wine/beer and possibly more right after the ceremony while we take pictures.  But I’m talking, water or pay type of deal.  I thought it was really strange because I had looked at that venue for our wedding online and it’s pretty expensive..they could afford that but no soft drinks?

Post # 48
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

I agree that I have been to a cash bar and not known in advance.  Luckily it was my brother’s so I bummed money off my Dad and had some white wine! 😉

There are a few things we are doing in order to make it better for guests – we are doing a first look to avoid the gap between ceremony and feeding out guests since it is a dinner time wedding, we are forgoing a champagne toast even though it is my most favorite drink because I can’t afford it for the entire room, and we are not having children there for EVERYone’s sake because it beign at 6 pm and I would have had a room full of terrors by 8!

Post # 49
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The only wedding I haven’t enjoyed was the one with no drinking, no dancing, and no other activities.  We sat around in the church hall and chit-chatted with the two other people we knew as long as we could, then we just left.  Also, the hall was big for the number of guests, so you couldn’t even mingle and meet people without being awkward. 

Oh, I take it back.  The worst one was where the groom’s family was all stone-faced during the entire ceremony.  I have never seen people looking so unhappy outside of a funeral.  Again, awkward.

I’m curious about people who had bad experiences with unassigned seating.  Was it a full dinner event, where everyone is seated for the first hour?  Because I am planning a lunch-time cocktail-style buffet, where the food, the dancing, and the lawn games (yay!) are available the entire time, and I want people to mingle, so there aren’t assigned seats, in fact there are only about 3/4 as many seats as guests.  I hope people won’t feel weird! 

Post # 50
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@hopewell If you can, i would try to provide enough seating for everyone. I have been to some weddings where there is not enough for seating for everyone, and it was pretty frustrating, and inevitably, old people were left standind.

Post # 51
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@olive: thanks for your comment.  It occurred to me that the ceremony chairs will still be outside – we could scatter them in little groups with some tables outdoors, and then there will be more than enough seating.  Now to think about the rain plan! 

Post # 52
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’ve learned not to have a too-long gap between the start of the reception and food being served.  As a guest, it is so excruciating to sit through speech after speech, dance after dance, when I’m starving.

I’ve learned to consider your audience when deciding whether to do the bouquet toss.  If the only single females in attendance are the flower girls and your 30-something SIL who is hiding behind a column to escape the DJ’s “come on, Susan, get out here!” it may be best to skip it.  We aren’t doing the bouquet toss at my wedding because for one thing, there won’t be a lot of single women there, and for another, I find distasteful the implication that single women are all chomping at the bit to get married.

Post # 53
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I reallllly have to disagree about the cash bar. My Fiance and I have a VERY tiny budget, close to nothing so there is no way we could afford an open bar. BUT everyone we know likes to drink and would like the option to.

We provide water, tea, and coffee for free to the guests. but honestly whats the big deal and making a guest pay for their beer or cocktail outside if that? I dont get how its rude

Post # 54
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think if people expect their guests to pay for the alcohol at thier wedding, they should have the good grace to notify them, or if it is a small intimate wedding, maybe spread the word to manage expectations. Otherwise, no matter what people say on the subject, every time I have experienced this I have found it weird. To each his own though.

Post # 55
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

How would you go about telling them in advance without coming off extremely tacky?

Post # 56
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

the last wedding i went was 5 years ago. it was my best friend wedding. i was the moh and my fi was the best man. i love them so much to the point she is my moh and he is the best man. 

but there was so many things in that wedding that went wrong. at the middle of the night they disappeared for about an hour. everybody was looking for them. the rest of the night the bride was dancing alone with the kids and the groom was talking and drinking with guest. not even once i saw them enjoying the wedding together. 

Post # 57
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

How do you have a head table and NOT separate your bridal party from their date? I can’t say I have ever seen a picture where the bridal party all has a date at the head table…that would be 18 people in our case and we dont even have a big bridal party…and what is the only other option, to have a sweet heart table or no head table at all? Ah, no. In my opinion, if you’re in a bridal party then don’t bring a date for the sake of bringing a date. That’s tacky. And if its a long term bf/gf/fiance/wife then more often than not they should know at least a few people there.

Also, when is the bride and groom supposed to walk around talking to tables? Is that during dinner – so no eating for the bride and groom?

Post # 58
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am a vegetarian… and have been for 13 years.. I’ve been to weddings of family and VERY close friends.. and havn’t been able to eat. This is REALLY hard when you are in the wedding party and very busy. I’ve been served plates of asperagus, and once I was served mashed potatoes and a roll… I know people can’t cater to everyone, but at least if there is an option for people that even may be religiously  against some things like beef or pork… There should always be a vegetrian option… it’s also really embarassing

I’m also against the big gap between the ceremony and reception. 90% of my guests are travelling over 1000 miles to be at my wedding (think Yukon) and it’s not fair to have them wondering our “mall” bored to death.

 

Post # 59
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

a good solution to sweatheart table vs not, my Maid/Matron of Honor had the couple, me (i was Maid/Matron of Honor, the best man and his date my now husband then boyfriend and her oot bm and hubby at one table and had the rest of thebridal party at the next table. bith had special centerpieces so it was like head table part 2. it worked really well, since they were all 8 person round tables, and both were made to look special.

we had our officiant (and longtime bff) and her date at our table since we had a table for 4. then we had 2 “fun tables” filled with our bridal party and other friends so everyone got to sit with a date.

 

Post # 60
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@noopnoop – we are having TWO head tables.  They’re round and there will be 8 at each.  One table is me, Fiance, Best Man (single), Maid/Matron of Honor (single), groomsman and girlfriend, bridesmaid (single), reader (single.)  Table two is the other two bridesmaids and groomsmen and their spouses.

I really dislike being seated away from Fiance when he’s in a wedding, so we wanted to avoid that on behalf of the other couples.

Post # 61
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i had already planned to keep guests drunk and full, but after reading this I will add entertainment and assigned seating.This is a great post.

Past wedding dislikes:

Bad DJ’s and bands with a bad selection of music.

Not enough time to dance. I’ve been to weddings where there were interuptions just as everyone was getting into the groove.

Favors – Guests really don’t know what to do with these. They are not really worth the effort. I have a drawer full of them that I will eventually throw out (Just can’t seem to do it though).

Bad food – I’ve been to a wedding where the venue was expensive but the food was glorified airplane food.

Bad seating assignments – I was once seated at a table where I didn’t know anyone. I did not enjoy it. Akward!

Children wailing at the ceremony and parents not doing anything about it.

Officiants making inappropriate jokes during the ceremony, mostly about the bride. 

 

 

 

 

 

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