Recently divorced parents threatening not to come…

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 45
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Why did you pick a venue that is too small to fit your fathers, siblings and friends partners. I find that incredibly rude and selfish. A place/vision should not be at the expense of people/relationships.

I also don’t believe that your motives for taking money off your parents are as pure as you make out. You were doing it purely for them???

You say that your dad’s partner was not in the picture at all at this time. If she wasnt, why was it a condition of your mum’s money that she wasnt invited? Why the need for this condition if she was so much out of your fathers life that it didn’t evwn cross your mind that she should be invited.

Post # 46
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

iomi :  yeah, telling people they can’t bring their partners (because you don’t know them) is incredibly rude.  You’re saying “come and celebrate our relationship” while totally disrespecting theirs.  Space is not an excuse.  Partners are not a “plus one”, a plus one is for a truly single guest.  A couple is a social unit and should not be split up in an invitation.

Post # 47
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Sorry bee but your being rude! Your mom seems to be running your show. I know it’s hard to be in the middle  but the fact that your excluding your dads parter isn’t nice. How would you feel if the tables were turned and he excluded your partner?

Post # 51
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee

  iomi :  it’s none of your business what is going on in their relationship staus, as far as using as an excuse to disclude her. 

That is his choice, he gets to choose his own partner, without your approval. 

I can’t believe this is even an issue. 

Post # 52
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee

 You have no right or authority to qualify someone’s relationship or not. How judgemental. 

Post # 53
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

iomi :  I had a really small wedding. It’s not selfish to not invite people you are not intimate with to an intimate wedding. You shouldn’t feel bullied into getting a larger venue so that guests can bring their random dates. People are not entitled to plus ones. You’re not rude for having your wedding the way you want it. And those suggesting otherwise are absolutely ridiculous.

Post # 54
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee

rainbowduckie :   her father, who is contributing to the wedding, cannot bring his SO? You people are insane! 

Post # 55
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

rainbowduckie :  we aren’t talking about random dates or plus 1s. We are talking about partners of her immediate family and very close friends ( otherwise they wouldnt be coming to her intimate wedding in the 1st place)

Post # 56
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

rainbowduckie :  we aren’t talking about random dates or plus 1s. We are talking about partners of her immediate family and very close friends ( otherwise they wouldnt be coming to her intimate wedding in the 1st place)

Post # 57
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

bctoquebec :  it’s completely not uncommon. His girlfriend doesn’t live with him. They’ve been back together for only 5 months and “taking it slow” which sounds like casually dating. Him throwing money at the wedding doesn’t mean he gets to control the day. Honestly, I would just write both parents a cheque. They both seem like controling messes. 

Post # 59
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Hi bee. First of all, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. My parents split when I was 1, and my dad STILL refuses to be civil towards her (25 years later…and he’s the one who left!). I get how it feels not wanting to deal with that.

My dad and I also have a rocky relationship and he’s “cut me out” many times. We’re in an okay (for us) place right now where we’re talking again, but I don’t tell him much of my life.

He too has a lot of money and paid for all my step siblings weddings. My fiance and I will have been engaged for 2.5 years before we marry because we are saving up for our wedding on our own. Why? Because money isn’t free, even when it’s given to you.

You ask why everyone is siding with your dad and what I think it comes down to is that you took his money. He is contributing to you and your fiance’s ceremony representing your love and you in turn refuse to acknowledge his.

I get why you’re hurt by him. To be honest, it sounds like a lot of your feelings might stem from wanting to punish him for cutting your out if his life like that. For ignoring you when you reached out. And I get it. But this isn’t the way to go about it.

If you want ny advice, I’d give the money back to both parents. Tell them each you didnt know this gift came with a cost and you dont appreciate being manipulated. If they come, they come and that’s there decision. But give it back and find a way to move forward and focus on what your wedding is really about: you and your fiance. 

Best of luck bee. <3 I know it’s so much easier said than done and I’m sorry for that. Hopefully they come around in time and act like adults. 

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