(Closed) Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
10 posts
  • Wedding: February 2012

It funny how most of us go through the same things, I`m the same, first wedding in our family and feeling the pressure.  I dont think you need to do a survey, I have learnt that those that want to come will make the effort and those that dont, well thats ok too.  Setting you date it totally your choice, your guests im sure will make it work and if they are really great friends and family – they will be there with bells ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck and congratulations .. just remember its your day ! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t unless you are planning a really short engagement….

Choosing your date may be really dependent on your venue, so doing a survey could then mean that you either need to go against the majority or limit your venue options.

If people want to come, they can manage to make the date you choose with like a years notice!!

Post # 5
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with kiwililly. I think that no matter where you do it, will require travelling by some part of your family. I would suggest choosing what works for you, and when your family is given enough notice they will make it work.

Post # 6
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Other pps have good perspective. I didn’t realize until we booked our venue that the date has more to do with what is logistically possible with venues versus what you want.  By the time you find a venue you like that is affordable, it will already be booked for many weekends.

Basically, we didn’t pick our date, it picked us!

Like others have said, pick a date and just get your save-the-dates out early. We did 10 months.

Post # 7
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Don’t you hate how people want the date right after you get engaged?  MIL asked us the day after the proposal…ummm, still basking over here!

I understand about the Out of Town guests and wanting all of them to come. But I think asking them what months are good is going to cause a lot more stress on you than you realize.  You are bound to upset some people and then they’ll think you don’t care about them if you pick a date that doesn’t work for them.  Also, depending on how far out the wedding is, circumstances change.  People get married, lose jobs, have babies, etc. and unfortunately everyone you thought would come might not be able to.  We had to fork out travel expenses for some of DH’s family b/c of things that happened a month before our wedding.  

Post # 9
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Congrats!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe pick a date ASAP and send Save the dates so people can be prepared! I’m not opposed to the survey thing though, but some older people might not use it!

Post # 10
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I wouldn’t bother with the survey- people will do their best to attend, and if you ask what month they want, and then you pick another one…  

If your wedding is a year away, nobody’s going to be booking flights now. Unfortunately, yes, you will be “hounded” by people until you get the date set (we booked a month after the engagement, and still had people bug us. Grrr!)

Like others wrote, your venue will dictate the date. We’re having a shorter (6-month) engagement, and wanted to get married on a Saturday, which wasn’t an option for our top venue choice. Even a year out, you’re going to find dates are already booked-you might end up getting married in May instead. (I did not want to get married in the middle of summer- oh well!) So get your venue booked, and you can send out save the dates (Keep checking WB-Bees will post when vistaprint has their $17 for $70 deals)

EDIT: Just saw your wanting a 6-mo engagement post- yes, this can be done- just get your venue booked asap. Then you can send an e-mail like the one I did:

“Hi- it may be a couple of weeks until I get out the printed save the 
dates, so I wanted to let you know that Mike and I will be getting 
married Friday, July 13th, 2012 at the Baltimore Museum of Industry.

 More details to come!”

Post # 11
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@sarahanne25:  A short engagement is def possible, but if people have to travel, be prepared that they might not be able to take more holidays until 2013. My sister, for example, has to book her vacation before Feb of the current year, so she couldn’t attend anything except on weekends until 2013.


Anyways, besides that, I was engaged Dec 25 and we are getting married July 27, and really I could probably be married next week and be ready! The only big advice I’d give is to look for your dress asap. I had 6 months and that wasn’t enough time to order one in at most places, so I bought a sample dress.

Post # 12
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@rebwana:  I am totally set on BMI for my wedding but they only have Friday and Sundays open. How did your guest deal with Friday traffic? I know its the summer so traffic is lighter. We would have the ceremony around 7pm. I am trying to convince my family, they want Sunday. I want my guest to enjoy the wedding and not feel pressured by work on Monday. I feel in the summer jobs are more flexible with letting people leave work an hour or two early. Thanks!

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