Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
We got engaged a couple of weeks ago and are already receiving pressure regarding setting our “when & where”. Even though we are planning a local wedding, about 75% of our guest list is from out of state and want to be making travel plans, setting their budgets, etc. Our wedding is going to be a big deal because its the first one on either of my parents side in at least 15 years! Saying my family is excited is an understatement!
In order to accommodate all of our out of state guests wishes, I thought about creating a Survey Monkey to send out to poll all my “would absolutely love it if they could make it” guests on the likelyhood they will be able to attend and what months they could attend. Is that tacky? I was going to add a spot at the end for them to fill out their address to start compiling my invite address book. Again, is this weird?
Any advice on the subject is MUCH MUCH appreciated!!
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
It funny how most of us go through the same things, I`m the same, first wedding in our family and feeling the pressure. I dont think you need to do a survey, I have learnt that those that want to come will make the effort and those that dont, well thats ok too. Setting you date it totally your choice, your guests im sure will make it work and if they are really great friends and family – they will be there with bells 🙂 Good luck and congratulations .. just remember its your day ! 🙂
Post # 4
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
I wouldn’t unless you are planning a really short engagement….
Choosing your date may be really dependent on your venue, so doing a survey could then mean that you either need to go against the majority or limit your venue options.
If people want to come, they can manage to make the date you choose with like a years notice!!
Post # 5
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree with kiwililly. I think that no matter where you do it, will require travelling by some part of your family. I would suggest choosing what works for you, and when your family is given enough notice they will make it work.
Post # 6
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
Other pps have good perspective. I didn’t realize until we booked our venue that the date has more to do with what is logistically possible with venues versus what you want. By the time you find a venue you like that is affordable, it will already be booked for many weekends.
Basically, we didn’t pick our date, it picked us!
Like others have said, pick a date and just get your save-the-dates out early. We did 10 months.
Post # 7
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
Don’t you hate how people want the date right after you get engaged? MIL asked us the day after the proposal…ummm, still basking over here!
I understand about the Out of Town guests and wanting all of them to come. But I think asking them what months are good is going to cause a lot more stress on you than you realize. You are bound to upset some people and then they’ll think you don’t care about them if you pick a date that doesn’t work for them. Also, depending on how far out the wedding is, circumstances change. People get married, lose jobs, have babies, etc. and unfortunately everyone you thought would come might not be able to. We had to fork out travel expenses for some of DH’s family b/c of things that happened a month before our wedding.
Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
Thanks for the feedback guys! Very helpful! Yea, I forgot to mention that we IDEALLY want a short engagement… (Is September too soon?? HA! 🙂 ) And then you have the holidays right after that. So we are realizing that planning a short engagement for a 75% Out of Town guest list that are all super antsy & excited to come… is next to impossible! If it was a year out, I would totally understand the “pick the best day for YOU and everyone that matters will do their best to make it happen”… but again, Would ideally want a Fall 2012 wedding, and we just got engaged! Eeeek!
Post # 9
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
Congrats!!! 🙂
Maybe pick a date ASAP and send Save the dates so people can be prepared! I’m not opposed to the survey thing though, but some older people might not use it!
Post # 10
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I wouldn’t bother with the survey- people will do their best to attend, and if you ask what month they want, and then you pick another one…
If your wedding is a year away, nobody’s going to be booking flights now. Unfortunately, yes, you will be “hounded” by people until you get the date set (we booked a month after the engagement, and still had people bug us. Grrr!)
Like others wrote, your venue will dictate the date. We’re having a shorter (6-month) engagement, and wanted to get married on a Saturday, which wasn’t an option for our top venue choice. Even a year out, you’re going to find dates are already booked-you might end up getting married in May instead. (I did not want to get married in the middle of summer- oh well!) So get your venue booked, and you can send out save the dates (Keep checking WB-Bees will post when vistaprint has their $17 for $70 deals)
EDIT: Just saw your wanting a 6-mo engagement post- yes, this can be done- just get your venue booked asap. Then you can send an e-mail like the one I did:
“Hi- it may be a couple of weeks until I get out the printed save the
dates, so I wanted to let you know that Mike and I will be getting
married Friday, July 13th, 2012 at the Baltimore Museum of Industry.
More details to come!”
Post # 11
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
@sarahanne25: A short engagement is def possible, but if people have to travel, be prepared that they might not be able to take more holidays until 2013. My sister, for example, has to book her vacation before Feb of the current year, so she couldn’t attend anything except on weekends until 2013.
Anyways, besides that, I was engaged Dec 25 and we are getting married July 27, and really I could probably be married next week and be ready! The only big advice I’d give is to look for your dress asap. I had 6 months and that wasn’t enough time to order one in at most places, so I bought a sample dress.
Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
@rebwana: I am totally set on BMI for my wedding but they only have Friday and Sundays open. How did your guest deal with Friday traffic? I know its the summer so traffic is lighter. We would have the ceremony around 7pm. I am trying to convince my family, they want Sunday. I want my guest to enjoy the wedding and not feel pressured by work on Monday. I feel in the summer jobs are more flexible with letting people leave work an hour or two early. Thanks!
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